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3rd Trimester
AMomWithABlog
member
My Mother and Baby Naming Drama Vent Session
AMomWithABlog
member
It seems as though my mother will always have something to say. I'm sure many of your can relate. Unfortunately, it isn't always nice.
When we were preparing for our first born to arrive, we shared with our family the name we had chosen for him - Canden Pryce. It was unique, it was different, and yet, we both just felt that it seemed fitting. Everything else we considered wasn't right and we kept coming back to the name "Canden." My mother simply said, "Hmmm, I'm going to have a hard time not calling him "Camden;" You should really pick a name that is easy to yell from the back door." My mother has never been a "yeller" so this didn't really make sense to me. I digress. We heard this for the last several weeks of our pregnancy, and she even had the gall to say at the end, "You're really picking the name Canden huh?" Ironically, since Canden has been born, maybe on only two occasions has someone accidentally called him "Camden." My mother says now of course, that she couldn't picture Canden's name being anything else.
When we were preparing for our first born to arrive, we shared with our family the name we had chosen for him - Canden Pryce. It was unique, it was different, and yet, we both just felt that it seemed fitting. Everything else we considered wasn't right and we kept coming back to the name "Canden." My mother simply said, "Hmmm, I'm going to have a hard time not calling him "Camden;" You should really pick a name that is easy to yell from the back door." My mother has never been a "yeller" so this didn't really make sense to me. I digress. We heard this for the last several weeks of our pregnancy, and she even had the gall to say at the end, "You're really picking the name Canden huh?" Ironically, since Canden has been born, maybe on only two occasions has someone accidentally called him "Camden." My mother says now of course, that she couldn't picture Canden's name being anything else.
We are now pregnant with our second boy and have decided on a name - Hudson Ryan.
Before I go into the details of the current drama, I have to provide a little back story. I have one full blooded sister and two half sisters that came from my father's previous marriage. I did not have particularly close relationships with those half sisters; in fact, I think I met one sister only on one occasion when I was about 8ish years old. The other sister, I have not seen for about 19 years, but she would send us a yearly Christmas card until I was about 13 years old or so. I am currently 28...if that puts things into perspective as far as how long it has been since I've seen or talked to them.
Back to the present: my husband and I have picked the name Hudson Ryan and shared it with my mother yet again. In all honesty I considered not telling her, just because of what happened last time. However, I figured, that this name isn't as crazy unique as the first, maybe she won't have the same reaction. When I told her, she gave her classic "Hmmm" of disappointment then said, "Make sure you pick something that sounds good being yelled from your back porch." Again, with the back porch thing - whatever. I suppose if that is the worst she has to say.....
Ironically, earlier this week, the wonderful world of facebook connected me to my half sister who used to send us Christmas cards. We've been chatting here and there through facebook messaging and it has been nice to hear how she is doing. Here is the ironic kicker through our conversations however - her first born son's name is Hudson Ryan. Seriously what are the odds? I guess I SORT OF remember now that she mentioned it that she had a son named Hudson. I know she sent us birthday announcements and whatnot but again, we didn't talk really, and it has been YEARS since the last Christmas card we've received. But I had no way of remembering that her son's name was Hudson without having heard it from her. Anyway, luckily my half sister thinks it is a crazy awesome coincidence that we will have children that are named the same. Really I think we are both on the same page when it comes to the fact that you know, we really haven't been close, so why make a big deal over the name thing. If we hadn't found each other, they would have the same name anyway, and what is the crime in that?
So, I tell my mother that I have made contact with my half sister and the funny coincidence of the name situation. Instead of wondering how she is, or acknowledging that I have a relative that I have made a new and exciting connection with, she wants to point out that she told me when she heard the name for the first time that my half sister had named her son that. My mom often tells me that we will have a conversation about something, and then it didn't actually happen. Again, I do not recall this conversation to my knowledge and if it did happen, I can't imagine that I wouldn't think it is a weird and crazy coincidence that I would name my child the same name as my half sister. Regardless, she then says that there are thousands of other options for a middle name for Hudson, and begins giving suggestions. She even says that it bothers her that the names are the same.
Before I go into the details of the current drama, I have to provide a little back story. I have one full blooded sister and two half sisters that came from my father's previous marriage. I did not have particularly close relationships with those half sisters; in fact, I think I met one sister only on one occasion when I was about 8ish years old. The other sister, I have not seen for about 19 years, but she would send us a yearly Christmas card until I was about 13 years old or so. I am currently 28...if that puts things into perspective as far as how long it has been since I've seen or talked to them.
Back to the present: my husband and I have picked the name Hudson Ryan and shared it with my mother yet again. In all honesty I considered not telling her, just because of what happened last time. However, I figured, that this name isn't as crazy unique as the first, maybe she won't have the same reaction. When I told her, she gave her classic "Hmmm" of disappointment then said, "Make sure you pick something that sounds good being yelled from your back porch." Again, with the back porch thing - whatever. I suppose if that is the worst she has to say.....
Ironically, earlier this week, the wonderful world of facebook connected me to my half sister who used to send us Christmas cards. We've been chatting here and there through facebook messaging and it has been nice to hear how she is doing. Here is the ironic kicker through our conversations however - her first born son's name is Hudson Ryan. Seriously what are the odds? I guess I SORT OF remember now that she mentioned it that she had a son named Hudson. I know she sent us birthday announcements and whatnot but again, we didn't talk really, and it has been YEARS since the last Christmas card we've received. But I had no way of remembering that her son's name was Hudson without having heard it from her. Anyway, luckily my half sister thinks it is a crazy awesome coincidence that we will have children that are named the same. Really I think we are both on the same page when it comes to the fact that you know, we really haven't been close, so why make a big deal over the name thing. If we hadn't found each other, they would have the same name anyway, and what is the crime in that?
So, I tell my mother that I have made contact with my half sister and the funny coincidence of the name situation. Instead of wondering how she is, or acknowledging that I have a relative that I have made a new and exciting connection with, she wants to point out that she told me when she heard the name for the first time that my half sister had named her son that. My mom often tells me that we will have a conversation about something, and then it didn't actually happen. Again, I do not recall this conversation to my knowledge and if it did happen, I can't imagine that I wouldn't think it is a weird and crazy coincidence that I would name my child the same name as my half sister. Regardless, she then says that there are thousands of other options for a middle name for Hudson, and begins giving suggestions. She even says that it bothers her that the names are the same.
I guess the reason why I am so annoyed is that this is how every major decision or life event works - with her telling me that she doesn't like it, or gives other suggestions, or makes up weird things. It has always been about her and how everyone needs to be particularly attentive to her feelings and emotions. Now, as a mental health practitioner myself, I know that her sensitivity is more so than the average individual, however, it is really frustrating when I am always caught in a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation with her.
All in all, I wish she could just focus on the positive that I have connected with a sister. My own full blooded sister is too mental to even have a normal and functioning relationship with, and the other half sister I guess doesn't want contact with any family. I wish she would just be happy that people come in and out of our lives for a reason, and this is a great opportunity. I wish that she would just give unconditional and loving support for the decisions that my husband and I make. I wish that not EVERYTHING I told her, she had an opinion for - how I parent, how I name my children, how I walk, how I talk.... the list goes on.
I just really needed to vent. I know that this name issue is a drop in the hat of life's problems and by no means, should be this dramatic. My awesome husband has heard it all and seen it all before - he's been very supportive and a wonderful ear. Even better is that he sees some of the things that my mom does and can sympathize because of the fact that he sees it first hand. Every once and I while though, I just feel that I need to find another avenue to vent.
I just really needed to vent. I know that this name issue is a drop in the hat of life's problems and by no means, should be this dramatic. My awesome husband has heard it all and seen it all before - he's been very supportive and a wonderful ear. Even better is that he sees some of the things that my mom does and can sympathize because of the fact that he sees it first hand. Every once and I while though, I just feel that I need to find another avenue to vent.
Thank you bumpies for letting me do that.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: My Mother and Baby Naming Drama Vent Session
If you have any more babies, don't tell your mom the name until the baby is born if you don't want to hear her feedback. I say to my mom pretty often, "Thank you for your advice, but DH and I have decided that ___ is what's best for our family." After saying that a few times, she's a bit more hesitant to share her "helpful advice" or feedback because she knows we're just going to do what we want.
If you are, it makes me sad that you referred to your sister as "mental".
Or obnoxious. You know potato, potato.
Hmm I guess that doesn't that doesn't work in text. O well you get the point
A kiss he will never forget- Disney World 2014
Quit discussing names with your mom. You aren't going to like anything she says. I had a good experience with my mom with #1, but got a pretty fucked up response when I told her my name for #2. We're still deciding, but I'm done talking to momzilla about it.