Hating the holidays. — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Hating the holidays.

Just had my second miscarriage. The first was years ago and happened before I ever realized I was pregnant.

This time was much harder. I had all the symptoms. I had a due date. I had so much hope and excitement.

We had planned to share the exciting news with our families on Christmas. Now I am dreading the holidays. I don't want to be around happy people while my heart is so broken.

I'm just not sure I can get past this one.

Re: Hating the holidays.

  • I love what @agpjt413‌ said. They said it best. Give your self time to grieve. If you don't want to so anything for the holidays then don't. Put yourself first. Hugs.
    [Deleted User]
  • I am so sorry for your loss. (Hugs) Also, sorry you are having a rough time. Do not try and look at as making it through the Holidays. Maybe it is better to consider this hour, this day, and then move on to the next. You will likely have better days followed by more difficult days as you grieve. Please continue to vent here, we are here to support one another. In addition to telling us, have you considered seeing a professional? Many women say that it has helped them immensely.

    Me: 31 DH: 36
    Dated Since ‘02, Married in ‘06
    BFP#1 05/16/06, EDD01/16/07, MC 06/12/06 at 8 weeks
    BFP #2 08/14/14, EDD 04/22/15, MC 09/17/14 at 9 weeks


     My Chart

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  • I am so sorry for your loss and that you feel that way about the upcoming holiday's. You aren't alone. Be kind to yourself and take the time you need to grieve. I know it's hard sometimes but if you don't want to be around others, then don't. Give yourself time before making that decision though. I know it seems like you will never feel better but better days will come. 

    Good luck and *hug*

    I am not sure how to say this without getting a "solicitation" warning so I guess I just say that I am not longer active on THIS site. 

  • Your post made me tear up because I feel the same way. I'm so very sorry for your loss.  I was so looking forward to Christmas too this year and being pregnant but that's not going to be the case now :'( My husband and I are also looking to go away for Christmas as I don't feel up to spending it with a bunch of people. What will make it hard I think is when people ask why we are going away and not spending it with the family (only my parents/sis and his mom and step dad know so they will surely understand). But we didn't want to tell the rest of the fam because quite frankly, I feel that it would spread like wild fire and am not in the mood to deal with certain people's pity (his dad and step mom ). :-L
    I'm so frustrated...it's just not fair for any of us ladies going through this. My heart hurts for all of us.
  • :-( I can definitely relate to not looking forward to the holidays now, instead of hardly being able to wait for them to come. We were also planning on sharing with our families either Thanksgiving or Christmas. I'm a planner, so I wanted to decide which would be better, but at the same time I was thinking that the more I thought, planned, and talked about it with my husband, the harder it would be if something happened. I'm afraid all I'll be thinking about on those days is what it would have been like if we still had the happy news to share.
    TTC since Oct 2011-April 2012, then again since Oct 2013
    Fertility treatments since June 2014
    IUI w/clomid #4- 9/27 - BFP two weeks later, M/C on 11/14/14 at 9 weeks
  • It's been a week now and I'm still down. We actually sucked it up and have been to two early thanksgivings. One family celebration, which was quite painful for me-- suffering in silence as we have decided not to share our loss with our families yet. And one friendsgiving dinner. I thought that one would be harder as several of our friends have new bundles of joy.

    Friendsgiving was actually enjoyable. Yes, it was very hard to congratulate our friends, but that brought my husband and I closer.

    Surviving those two has me feeling hopeful about the upcoming holiday chaos. It's still going to be painful, but we will survive. We will get through. We will squeeze each other's hands under the table and support each other through it.
  • @sweetcalittc1 awww I'm sending you hugs through the computer. So sorry you have to go through that right now. I know that when I miscarried (three weeks ago), I spent the first two weeks in my condo doing nothing. I even missed my father in laws birthday. I wasn't in the mood to see anyone or talk to anyone. I just said I was sick.
    As for Christmas, my husband and I have booked a trip to NYC. I think we really want to spend some time together after everything that's happened and stay clear of big family gatherings for a bit.
    [Deleted User]
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