Big(ger) kids opening your LO's gifts at their birthday party

chicagojackie · November 2014

At my best friend's son's birthday party (also 2 like DD) I watched in horror as bigger kids swooped in and "helped" (tore open gifts) despite my friend asking them to please not help. Mainly their moms were doing other things at the party (or had left..wth?) and so were not supervising. What say you?

bhjones1980 · November 2014

Ugh, huge pet peeve of mine (older kids getting grabby with gifts)

I would have said something to the kids (even if they were not my kids), but I voted for "we do not open gifts at the party" since every one I go to for my neices and nephews that is how they do it.

jennjilljo · November 2014

I hold the gift while DS opens it and when he gets annoyed or bored I let the other kids help with that gift. This started because kids did that on his first Christmas and it annoyed me. He was only 4 months old but I wanted him to have the chance to feel the paper and crinkle it.

maryxc1 · November 2014

That drives me crazy! I am glad somebody else agrees. Even my two year old understands (mostly - still have to remind him some) that if it isn't your present, you don't touch it.

michelle142 · November 2014

It drives me NUTS when I see this happen.

I just know it's going to happen at DS's party in a few weeks and I'm going to have to go all Mama Bear on my older nieces and nephews and tell them to back off.

bhjones1980 · November 2014

michelle142 said:

It drives me NUTS when I see this happen.

I just know it's going to happen at DS's party in a few weeks and I'm going to have to go all Mama Bear on my older nieces and nephews and tell them to back off.

I am dreading this for Christmas too, since we do the majority of the presents over at my In-laws with my three young nephews who I just KNOW are going to be all over MJs gifts.

I have no problem correcting them.

mishka29 · November 2014

Saw it this weekend. However it was 5 kids, all cousins and the mother of the birthday girl said nothing. The mother of the helpers told them many times to back off a bit...with little success.

In your case the mother was telling the kids to stop so I think this would have been much more frustrating. Bad manners.

erobbins09 · November 2014

Argh I hate this so much. I have no problem correcting anyone's kids not just family if/when this happens at my kids bday... If another parent has a problem with my stance that a birthday is to make each kid (including mine) have a special day, they can shove it. In tern my child will know that they aren't allowed to do that at their friends parties. Even if their friends all jump in.

But I also expect to have a perfect child so no worries there

Alygohome · November 2014

I grew up with like 20 cousins and we have a huge Xmas gift opening party and if any of the kids acted like that ( we open our presents one at a time by age it took forever) I guarantee we would lose out presents for the year. Kids can be vultures but parents need to teach manners! Hands off unless asked!

lizzybean · November 2014

Yeah this all comes down to manners and parents controlling their children. I would never let Ella do that to another child's presents and would definitely step in if it were happening to her!

Of course, I foresee tantrums at birthday parties when she sees presents that she can't have, but that is when you take your kiddo aside, explain that they are not her presents, etc.

triplej9 · November 2014

Ugh - this is a HUGE pet peeve of mine!

My nephew did this at DS's 2nd birthday party this year. I was awkwardly trying to push him away since SIL wasn't interfering.

drose8721 · November 2014

I put SS because I don't really see what the big deal is. My 3 yr old tried to help a 2 yr old open her present, and I started telling him not to, but the mom said it was fine. I liked her laid-back attitude.

I don't know why people need to get worked up about it. If it's not bothering the kid, what's the big deal? If it is bothering them, then tell the other children to back off. If you want to have your child open it because it's special for you to watch them, then tell the kids to back off. People used to help parent any kid that was around them. Rather than get mad that the parent is not aware b/c they're not hovering over their kids, just tell their kid to back off and if they won't listen, take them away. If the parent gets mad about this, then that is their issue. I think we have the right to step in and correct the child, especially if the parent isn't around. I remember getting corrected by my parent's friends if they saw me doing something. If a kid is at my house and needs correcting, I have no problem doing so.

chicagojackie · November 2014

@drose8721 at a family party, absolutely. If I can't watch DD and someone else sees her doing something they should tell her. However at a lot of these parties it is mixed company (school friends, neighbors, etc) and I think it is rude to assume that other adults will supervise your child.

Also, it puts a lot of pressure on the mom of the birthday kid to not only be in the center of attention with their kid opening gifts but then to have to correct/redirect someone else's kid who they may not know very well.

A lot of people don't share the attitude that it takes a village and so get all bent out of shape when you tell their kid to stop it.

Smyers2girls · November 2014

With my 2 year old she was on my lap opening presents, but when she would get too distracted by the toy she just opened I would let her big sister help open, not someone else's kid though. My kids also know if we're at someone else's birthday not to even try to "help" open.

cookinggirl15 · November 2014

I get very annoyed at Christmas time with my neice and nephew! They are 7 & 4, so in my opinion too old for this problem! Whenever we go over to their place for Christmas (usually a few days after) they grab everybody's presents including the ones they are giving us, and start opening.
They are unbelievably spoiled kids, so my SIL will be like no don't open that, but it's so out of control that she won't listen!

prettieinpink87 · November 2014

We always talk with our kids, even at 2 and 3 years old, before going to parties!! They need to know it's rude and if we don't teach them they will never know!!

yesiknowwhatcausesthat · November 2014

Absolutely not tolerated at my house. Violators will be removed to their bedrooms (or away) for sure! If a child seems to need help, that is mommy and daddy's job.

racheltherose · November 2014

Seriously drives me nuts. I was taking photos at my nephew's birthday party and one of the parents let their daughter run around unsupervised... well she ended up shoving her hand in the cake, then immediately coming over and grabbing my hair/swiping my shoulder and covering me in frosting. Parents never said a word to their child or me. SO rude.

WanderingA · November 2014

Huge pet peeve of mine as well, I'm constantly having to tell cousins to back off and let Adeline explore and open on her own. Even at a young age I want her to experience the sensory and exploration part of opening gifts. If she needs help I assist her.

This was actually an issue at my BRIDAL SHOWER as a friend of DH's who brought her daughter (who was maybe 4 at the time) let her daughter come up to the front at start opening presents that were in front of me. I told her a few times to back up and finally someone else said something to her as her mother just stood there smiling at her.

chicagojackie · November 2014

@wanderingA how rude! I can't believe someone would let a kid do that at a bridal or baby shower.

ordinary1 · November 2014

It's rude. My cousin did this at my baby shower (he was four) and my aunt said nothing and my grandma encouraged it. Annabelle is a year and a half. While she doesn't help open presents, I do teach her that not everything is for/about her (which to me comes into effect with presents).

rainbowbrite22 · November 2014

I have definitely corrected other peoples kids, even if it wasn't DS' party. I even busted out some masking tape and had each kid sit on their own piece once since the parent was super overwhelmed and all the other kids parents were just standing around.

MrsTucker2011 · November 2014

Pet peeve! My extended side of the family is pretty bad about this. I've had to deal with little (uninvited) ones trying to grab and open stuff at my bridal and a baby shower. My grandma was even encouraging it! Grrr... DH's side is awesome about making sure kids toe the line in respect for people opening a gift.

I have no problem telling kids no, and to back off from DS1 while he is opening a gift. I also try to distract them by giving them jobs - here, you hold the trash bag for paper, you bring the present over for so-n-so to open, you're in charge of folding tissue paper, etc.

mishka29 · November 2014

jennjilljoite said:

I hold the gift while DS opens it and when he gets annoyed or bored I let the other kids help with that gift. This started because kids did that on his first Christmas and it annoyed me. He was only 4 months old but I wanted him to have the chance to feel the paper and crinkle it.

I think this is the big thing. Parents want their kids to experience the opening, even if its just playing with the wrapping but its the exploring. You want to see them try and the look on their face as they accomplish it. Once they have had their chance then mom and dad can dictate how it goes - they do it or others help.

mels823 · November 2014

At my bridal shower my 6 year old neice would not stop opening up all my gifts. Cute at first but got very annoying. Her mom did nothing to try to stop her either. My friends were shocked that no one told her no! Now at 9, she will be at my baby shower in a few weeks. I'm curious if she will act any different. I hope so, but she is not too disciplined so I kind of doubt it

PikoPiko · November 2014

I don't have an outside baby/kid yet, but I've seen that at my friend's LO's Bday party. I thought it was appalling that other kids were having a go at other kids' presents. The element of surprise should be reserved for the kiddo being celebrated. It is a form of entitlement when a kid opens someone else's presents, the parents should really be curbing that, it's poor manner.

MapleMomma · November 2014

WanderingA said:
Huge pet peeve of mine as well, I'm constantly having to tell cousins to back off and let Adeline explore and open on her own. Even at a young age I want her to experience the sensory and exploration part of opening gifts. If she needs help I assist her.

This was actually an issue at my BRIDAL SHOWER as a friend of DH's who brought her daughter (who was maybe 4 at the time) let her daughter come up to the front at start opening presents that were in front of me. I told her a few times to back up and finally someone else said something to her as her mother just stood there smiling at her.

This also happened to me at my bridal shower. I laughed it off because I was having a hard time being the center of attention, but I also really missed treasuring the moment. I was too busy trying to keep multiple kids from breaking any of the gifts as they were opened.

I think this is a pretty unanimous discussion and I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one.

twinklymama · November 2014

My other pet peeve than the bigger kids opening gifts for them is sitting all up in their face and blocking any pics that I'm trying to take of the birthday kid opening gifts. Sit the F down and quietly let the birthday kid get their birthday attention!

Alygohome · November 2014

If so much people hate it, who are these parents who let their kids get away with this shit. Are they just not commenting? Always makes me wonder. I have no filter so I'd probably say something to anyone's kid.

Beth.1212 · November 2014

drose8721 said:

I put SS because I don't really see what the big deal is. My 3 yr old tried to help a 2 yr old open her present, and I started telling him not to, but the mom said it was fine. I liked her laid-back attitude.

I don't know why people need to get worked up about it. If it's not bothering the kid, what's the big deal? If it is bothering them, then tell the other children to back off. If you want to have your child open it because it's special for you to watch them, then tell the kids to back off. People used to help parent any kid that was around them. Rather than get mad that the parent is not aware b/c they're not hovering over their kids, just tell their kid to back off and if they won't listen, take them away. If the parent gets mad about this, then that is their issue. I think we have the right to step in and correct the child, especially if the parent isn't around. I remember getting corrected by my parent's friends if they saw me doing something. If a kid is at my house and needs correcting, I have no problem doing so.

I shouldn't have to leave the gift giving to discipline someone else's kid and/or track down the kid's parent and ask them to keep him/her out of the gifts. I would like to be there to watch/help my 2 year old DS open his gifts.

ordinary1 · November 2014

Beth.1212 said:

drose8721 said:

I put SS because I don't really see what the big deal is. My 3 yr old tried to help a 2 yr old open her present, and I started telling him not to, but the mom said it was fine. I liked her laid-back attitude.

I don't know why people need to get worked up about it. If it's not bothering the kid, what's the big deal? If it is bothering them, then tell the other children to back off. If you want to have your child open it because it's special for you to watch them, then tell the kids to back off. People used to help parent any kid that was around them. Rather than get mad that the parent is not aware b/c they're not hovering over their kids, just tell their kid to back off and if they won't listen, take them away. If the parent gets mad about this, then that is their issue. I think we have the right to step in and correct the child, especially if the parent isn't around. I remember getting corrected by my parent's friends if they saw me doing something. If a kid is at my house and needs correcting, I have no problem doing so.

I shouldn't have to leave the gift giving to discipline someone else's kid and/or track down the kid's parent and ask them to keep him/her out of the gifts. I would like to be there to watch/help my 2 year old DS open his gifts.
---------------------------------------------
This. You can watch your child without hovering. If the parent is there, I do expect them to keep tabs on the child (making sure they aren't doing something they shouldn't). Also, I can be annoyed by a rude act without being 'worked up' by it.

chicagojackie · November 2014

@ordinary1‌ I like YOUR laid back attitude.

schnitz9 · November 2014

I've never seen this happen, but I thing it is terrible. I hate having to discipline someone else child. Especially for the fact that I don't have kids yet. That is not my job. If the older childs mother is there they should say something to their child. I can understand the birthday childs mother saying its OK. But at least the older child can learn that it is OK if you have permission. It gives the child manners. I love when kids ask permission to do something. This situation is the perfect learning situation for something like that.

delaneykai · November 2014

Eh, I'm on the fence about this. Absolutely, if the parents have asked the kids to NOT help, then the kids should not help, without question. Prior to having kids myself, I always found it super tacky when the other kids were helping to open the presents. Now that my group of friends all have kids, I see that (without exception), they are all ok with the other kids helping to open presents. In fact, more than once, I've pulled my DD away so that she doesn't help, and I've been told by the parents of the birthday kiddo that they are totally fine with her helping. I've learned that, in those situations where I know the parent is ok with it and most times even encouraging of it, I'm not bothered by it at all. Again, though, the parents of the birthday kiddo call the shots on this.

Although, I do have to say I'm nervous for how opening presents around her cousin is going to go this Christmas. She'll have her own presents to open, but I already know it's going to be a bit of a struggle to keep her away from touching her 10-month-old cousin's presents, since she's been to so many birthday parties this year where helping with presents was encouraged. I foresee a timeout in the middle of present time happening.

wendy46001 · November 2014

We don't open gifts at parties normally. Though after we tend to still have a few of DHs cousins kids hanging about. For DD 1st bday I let her open one or two, than had all the other kids take turns helping (way to many gifts to let a 1 year old do it). Now that she's 3, no way would she let any kids help her, she's very vocal on what's hers

lorifromwi · November 2014

At my baby shower there were a bunch of young girls "helping" me out...five under 10. Each of them was given a job to help me (bringing me a gift, finding the card, throwing paper away, etc.) and if they got a little too grabby, moms were sitting up front to help...which was super appreciated. I didn't mind the help, as it was a long afternoon for them and it was fun to see their smiles...however, my opinion would have been very different if it had been a free-for-all!

srcr2011 · November 2014

Sooo rude!!! My son, who is 3, loves to blow out candles and open presents. I know when we go to a bday party, he is young and tempted to do that. When he starts acting up and wants to do it, we take him out and explain it's not his party.I don't want him screaming and crying while the bday person is trying to enjoy their moment. My sil lets my niece does this and it pisses me off.

wintersong139 · November 2014

I get frustrated in general with having to correct other peoples kids. I do it, btw, even in the grocery store if the mom is not close by. I have had jus say, "you're not my mom, I don't havero," whch makes me livid. "( Example, a relatives Katie d was running all over the upstairs odlf a house even though the homeowner asked the kids to stay on the main level. Parents could clearly hear their loud kids as well as other people reacting to how loud they were, and they were with other parents who reminded their kids to stay downstairs. Like, the kids were saying, "So and so is upstairs," in front of the parents of so and so. If the parents aren't respectful of the requests of the host, why would we expect their kids to be?