Thoughts on Not Finding out the baby's Sex?

illicks9860 · November 2014

Hi! I'm not preggo yet BUT would like to be come this mid winter probably. My hubby and I are thinking of not finding out the gender of the baby this go round (we found out with our first) and now I'm having second thoughts as I really liked knowing I was having a boy and calling him by his name...and I'm not very good about surprises because i tend to obsess over unknowns (ha ha)!

So my question is is how was it not knowing the gender of your baby the whole pregnancy? Was it hard and was it really that different or worth it? Did you like it better than finding out (assuming you had kids before/after)?

Also, what are people's thoughts on possibly just myself and the hubby being the only ones knowing? Do you think that would be hard to do?

Thanks!

Unknown · November 2014

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jnnfrrose6 · November 2014

We found out with DS in order to tell DH's dying father. He passed away the day after we told him and then we didn't tell anyone else. It was tough only because in private we could talk about "him" and "he" and "his" but then have to remember to slip back to "it" when we were around people. I know DH slipped up a couple of times.

For DD we didn't find out and it was amazing to hear DH say "it's a...girl!" It was also exciting to not know throughout and just go with the flow and not create any expectations about the baby.

BethanyAnn27 · November 2014

Team green was awesome. I am so glad we went that way for our first and, if we are blessed with more babies in the future, we will go team green again.

DebateThis · November 2014

BethanyAnn27 said:

Team green was awesome. I am so glad we went that way for our first and, if we are blessed with more babies in the future, we will go team green again.

Ditto.

ashiscute · November 2014

We found out with DD and were Team Green with DS. I will be Team Green this time too. I preferred being team green. I didn't find it hard not knowing at all. At my AS with DS they said if we didn't want to know then they don't either so it's like it's in a chart or anything. I enjoyed DH saying "It's a boy!" when DS was born and didn't feel like knowing helped me to bond or plan anything since sex is sort of irrelevant with babies.

I think it's very odd to find out the sex and keep it a secret from others. I mean, you are the ones that care most about baby's sex so you are the ones it would be the biggest deal for. I also think it's a bit AWish. But to each their own.

Helenahhandbasket · November 2014

I found out at 20 weeks, but I think it would be almost impossible to not slip in front of people and say either "he" or "she" while baby is still in utero.

cluckster · November 2014

::lurking from TTGP::

We did not find out the sex with our first child, a boy! I liked it a lot and so did DH. There is something really great about finding out in the delivery room, it's very special!

I also do not care for really gender-heavy nurseries so I was fine with something neutral. Also, another benefit: if people don't know the sex of the baby, they'll actually get you the stuff you NEED at your baby shower, versus tiny ridiculous outfits that you'd never put the baby in anyway and they grow out of within 3 weeks.

We decided on a set name for a boy, and a set name for a girl before delivery, so there was no unknown with that. The baby was either going to be this name or that name.

We are trying to have a second child and will probably not find out again.

MrsRustyGriswold · November 2014

We were team green both times and loved it. I can't imagine knowing but trying to keep it from anyone else. That sounds incredible difficult and stressful to me.

jennypolkadots · November 2014

I'm 29 weeks with our first and we didn't want to find out the sex. Of course we are curious, but it really does feel more special to us this way. It feels like the universe has this huge beautiful gift for us and we want to experience it in it's entirety without peeking beforehand. We never considered finding out.

We don't plan to find out the sex of any of our children. I am very type A and like to plan and control things, but babies and birth are out of my control and I find peace in that. If we had a preference one way or another we might be more inclined to find out, but we are so happy either way! I have had no problem at all designing a beautiful nursery and picking out baby things. I feel like by not finding out you get the "full experience" as nature intended - we talk about all of the boys and girls names, we think of who they will be, and every stranger I meet has some weird old wives tale of how they just know we are having a boy or a girl. And it seems like everyone around us is so much more excited for our baby as well! We have family members betting on if it's a boy or girl, it's really funny. So, yeah, I can't recommend it enough. It also just adds to the excitement of giving birth and helps ease some of the natural anxiety. We can't wait to meet him or her!

About names - I just can't even imagine settling 100% on a name before meeting the child. I know "all babies just look like babies" and "they will grow to fit the name" but names are important to me. I have never named a puppy without meeting them first lol We have favorites, but have a short list for both boys and girls and will choose after the birth. I know many people choose during pregnancy, I just couldn't.

And yeah, it is super weird to find out and not tell anyone else. What is the point? No one cares nearly as much as you do, and it has this sort of "I know something you don't know... naa naa naa naa boo boo" vibe to it that would piss most people off. Either find out or don't.

blush64 · November 2014

I agree with everyone who said either find out and let people know or stay team green.

In my opinion the birth of a baby is an amazing time whether you know the sex before or wait. It is special to hold that baby for the first time no matter what. I found out each time. I would have waited because I didn't really care but my husband wanted to know. And he still cried when my daughter was born.

I can appreciate that people find it special to wait and that people prefer to wait. I just don't think it is more special. There is nothing that could make my baby's birth more amazing. The best part of pregnancy and birth wasn't related to the sex of the baby. It was just the baby.

I know my reply is late but I would just do what makes you most comfortable. (you as in you and your partner)

4N6s · November 2014

I don't understand waiting. It's a surprise no matter what. I like to be prepared.

[Deleted User] · November 2014

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MKM2014 · November 2014

I would like to be team green also, and my husband is in camp "you'll be the pregnant one, we'll do what you want"

I really like the color mint & would want the nursery to be mint either way. I just think it'll be fun not knowing and being able to have my husband announce it to me and to those in the waiting room.

I have heard of a few people who found out, set up a sex-specific nursery, and it turns out it wasn't what they were told. I know this is really rare, but I plan to use it as an excuse when people who say "What?! Why would you do that?!"

Kaelynn91 · December 2014

When I got pregnant with my first, we found out the sex. I wanted to know because I wanted to be able to decorate the room and purchase clothes accordingly. It was nice to be able to plan for everything and it was nice to be able to call the baby by name while she was still in my stomach. I didn't regret finding out at all!

With my second her entire existence was a surprise, so I figured that I might as well make her sex a surprise as well! We stayed green the entire time. It was a blast. Everyone was constantly guessing if the baby would be a boy or a girl. We knew that regardless we could just reuse things from my first. After all, a little boy wouldn't know if he used a flowered boppy or a pink pack and play. The second time around we were a lot more relaxed. The only hard part was buying clothes. I don't really like the gender neutral colors so we just bought a few onesies and two outfits for first pictures. Then we waited until after she arrived to get more clothes. Waiting to find out the gender made the birth a lot more fun. It gave me an extra boost of determination to go all natural! I had no regrets with this either!

In the end, I think being team green is more fun! It just adds a new element of surprise to everything!

JennyH81 · December 2014

No kids for me yet, but DH and I have agreed that we will definitely find out. Not so much bc I want a gender-themed nursery (we've already painted that room a lovely shade of green) but because I am not the waiting type. And if I'm totally honest, I would really love a girl - I have a stepson and would love to have a girl so I'm not completely outnumbered! I think knowing it's a boy (if that is the case) early on will help me to get excited about it and forget about being surrounded by testosterone I also know that I would like to call the baby "he" or "she" and know for sure what the name will be, although I'm superstitious and would still only call it the baby instead of by name.

bumpuser331626 · December 2014

We were Team Green with #1, and it was awesome. Completely, totally, indescribably fun. Since we had a complicated end to the pregnancy and a somewhat traumatic birth experience, it was really, really good to have that bright spot in the middle of it all. DH loved heading out to the waiting room to announce the news.

With #2, severe complications started at 17 weeks, and the doctors told us the baby would never make it. We waffled over whether to find out or not. I worried that, if the baby actually made it, I'd regret ruining the surprise. In the end, we decided that we wanted to know our child as well as we could for the short time s/he would be with us, and all our family and friends assured us that, if the baby was born alive, we'd be so thrilled we wouldn't regret our decision. So, we found out that he was a boy, and we announced his sex and name to everyone right away. 15 miraculous weeks later, he was born alive and well. And, I'll be honest: I truly regret that we found out. I really wish we had that awesome "It's a _____!" moment story for him like we do for his sister.

Now that we're considering #3, we know that we'll begin having bi-weekly ultrasounds at 16 weeks that will last to the end of the pregnancy. It will be nearly impossible to keep the sex a secret with that many views into the womb. However, we're going to do our best and ask our technicians to warn us when to avert our eyes. We really want to remain on Team Green!

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