In law struggles

lauravitale81 · November 2014

Anyone else have a stained relationship with the in law's? It really hurts that my kids won't have grandparents like I did.

babycarb · November 2014

What's the "strain" all about? We have issues with how often my in-laws want to see us/DD. So it's all about frequency (with the occasional telling me what to do)...

lauravitale81 · November 2014

We haven't spoken to then since 2012. My in laws are upset with my husband because we had an interfaith wedding.

lauravitale81 · November 2014

We still see them at funerals and holiday parties but they do not speak to us.

BabyShaps · November 2014

My in laws are by no means nasty but at times can be an inconvenience. My MIL has never had her license and has no medical reason as to why she cannot drive. She prefers not to help prepare for Thankgiving festivities. Her mother has a license and car but wants my husband to swing 30 mins out of his way coming from work to pick her up Thanksgiving day. That's 40-45 mins from our house! Oh and get this. She also wants him to drop her back off. He has refused but looks like some compromise has been made in which I'm driving to pick them up. Ugh! I will be missing my last FIL dearly. He was my favorite of that side.

babycarb · November 2014

lauravitale81 said:

We haven't spoken to then since 2012. My in laws are upset with my husband because we had an interfaith wedding.

Ah... so there really isn't a relationship at all. I'm so sorry about that. Are your parents still in the picture?

catahoulatte · November 2014

That's horrible, I'm sorry.

We don't have any issues like that so I have no advice.

lauravitale81 · November 2014

I only have my mom. I don't know why but I'm getting very emotional about it.

shelbutler · November 2014

That is crazy! My MIL was ticked when me and DH got married because we eloped and didn't let her in on it (for personal reasons). She got over it quickly though. She also doesn't know about this pregnancy yet, but I know she'll have a come apart when she does.

DH had a child out of wedlock with a chick he'd been with literally a month that was essentially his 'rebound girl'. (Way to go, bud.) She didn't have anything to do with the pregnancy and wasn't happy about it whatsoever and now, I'm pretty sure SD spends more time with the IL's then she does us! Haha.

I think your IL's just need to get their panties out of wads and get over it. How selfish.

Boggzsgurl · November 2014

I have no troubles with the IL's but sadly my parents don't speak with me or two of my other siblings. My baby sister is their little princes and they spoil her rotten but sadly my mom has decided that she just hates the other three of us for whatever reason (short version: we don't bend over backwards to do everything she says exactly how she says and she does not tolerate that). She also doesn't speak with her brother (hasn't spoken with him in 10+ years even though she found out he was diagnosed with ALS and probably won't live more than another year or two) doesn't speak with any of her nieces or their children and doesn't speak with my dad's siblings. She barely speaks with her mom anymore (my grandma) and when she does it is so harsh and mean and hateful it just makes me cry when I hear about it. I understand what you are going through; I have lost MANY nights of sleep and spent countless hours worrying and stressing and crying about it. I guess I am fortunate that I was able to come to terms with it before we became preggo. This will be her first grandchild and it is SO sad that she won't see him or her because she has decided to kick people out of her life. But I have learned that she is hurting herself. She can't hurt me unless I let her- and truthfully, my life has been so stress free and positive since she quit talking to us. It's not worth fighting for a relationship with her when all she does is bring sadness and stress and negativity. I feel bad for my dad because I have a feeling he will miss out on a lot because of my mom cutting everyone out. How terrible to lock yourself into such darkness. I really feel sad for her now, whereas I used to feel hurt and sad for myself. Sorry for the ramble, I know it really is an awful situation. The only advice I can give you is to have Faith that there is a greater plan and remember that it's their loss. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.

DecemberGirl1216 · November 2014

My in laws have nothing to do with my daughter. They have seen her twice in the past year (she is almost 2). My mil found her to be a novelty when she was tiny and would come around to hold her. They don't live far from us at all.

It's painful as a mother. My in laws are assholes though (self centered, materialistic, and only want relationships "on the surface" to have the image of a caring family). It will be hard someday to explain that to my daughter without letting my anger show through. I feel it is necessary that when she is old enough to understand she knows the problem is them and not internalize that it is something about her. I am sorry you are facing this, it really sucks.

Tl/dr; they are going to be the ones missing out.

lauravitale81 · November 2014

Boggzsgurl said:
I have no troubles with the IL's but sadly my parents don't speak with me or two of my other siblings. My baby sister is their little princes and they spoil her rotten but sadly my mom has decided that she just hates the other three of us for whatever reason (short version: we don't bend over backwards to do everything she says exactly how she says and she does not tolerate that). She also doesn't speak with her brother (hasn't spoken with him in 10+ years even though she found out he was diagnosed with ALS and probably won't live more than another year or two) doesn't speak with any of her nieces or their children and doesn't speak with my dad's siblings. She barely speaks with her mom anymore (my grandma) and when she does it is so harsh and mean and hateful it just makes me cry when I hear about it. I understand what you are going through; I have lost MANY nights of sleep and spent countless hours worrying and stressing and crying about it. I guess I am fortunate that I was able to come to terms with it before we became preggo. This will be her first grandchild and it is SO sad that she won't see him or her because she has decided to kick people out of her life. But I have learned that she is hurting herself. She can't hurt me unless I let her- and truthfully, my life has been so stress free and positive since she quit talking to us. It's not worth fighting for a relationship with her when all she does is bring sadness and stress and negativity. I feel bad for my dad because I have a feeling he will miss out on a lot because of my mom cutting everyone out. How terrible to lock yourself into such darkness. I really feel sad for her now, whereas I used to feel hurt and sad for myself. Sorry for the ramble, I know it really is an awful situation. The only advice I can give you is to have Faith that there is a greater plan and remember that it's their loss. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.

It is the same with my husband's twin brother who does no wrong. So they will have a relationship with that grandchild but our child won't mean anything to them. I feel bad that my little one will feel left out when their cousin brags about what she got to do with her grandparents and my child will think something is wrong with them.

lauravitale81 · November 2014

DecemberGirl1216 said:
My in laws have nothing to do with my daughter. They have seen her twice in the past year (she is almost 2). My mil found her to be a novelty when she was tiny and would come around to hold her. They don't live far from us at all.

It's painful as a mother. My in laws are assholes though (self centered, materialistic, and only want relationships "on the surface" to have the image of a caring family). It will be hard someday to explain that to my daughter without letting my anger show through. I feel it is necessary that when she is old enough to understand she knows the problem is them and not internalize that it is something about her. I am sorry you are facing this, it really sucks.

Tl/dr; they are going to be the ones missing out.

This is exactly the same things that concern me. I won't be able to control my anger.

babycarb · November 2014

So sorry about the whole situation. I'd just get your mom as involved as possible so your child can have one great grandparent relationship. I'm so sorry though.

slamar3 · November 2014

I am very sorry to hear about your ILs. Hopefully with the baby they will come around. Sometimes babies change situations like these. And if for some reason they do not change their views, try to stay positive and believe it is for the best. But I do suggest always being willing to open up to them if/when they finally do come around. Do not allow them to cause strain between you and your husband or you and your children.

With that, yes I have an extremely difficult MIL. She is overtly opinionated, mean, and manipulative. She forces herself between my DH and I, a matter we have learned to overcome in the 8.5 years together, and I fear her actions once we have children. She holds everything over our heads, and if we do not react accordingly, she turns to insults. This new chapter is going to be interesting to say the least. But hopefully she will grow up (I am not holding my breath).

I wish all you ladies good luck with the ILs.

OctoberStars · November 2014

Dh and I have basically cut off his parents aside from a couple short visit a year. His dad is emotionally abusive to women, an alcoholic who refuses treatment, a clinical narcissist, and demands to be coddled like a baby. Unfortunately my mil is hurting from this situation. She is wonderful, but enables my fil bad behavior. There's no use trying to change someone who won't budge on their behavior that hurts everyone around them. It's hard to set boundaries, but has been necessary for dh and I to focus on our family.

DecemberGirl1216 · November 2014

I am sorry too. Maybe it is a blessing in disguise to not have people in your child's life that love conditionally.

MrsC0409 · November 2014

Boggzsgurl said:

I have no troubles with the IL's but sadly my parents don't speak with me or two of my other siblings. My baby sister is their little princes and they spoil her rotten but sadly my mom has decided that she just hates the other three of us for whatever reason (short version: we don't bend over backwards to do everything she says exactly how she says and she does not tolerate that). She also doesn't speak with her brother (hasn't spoken with him in 10+ years even though she found out he was diagnosed with ALS and probably won't live more than another year or two) doesn't speak with any of her nieces or their children and doesn't speak with my dad's siblings. She barely speaks with her mom anymore (my grandma) and when she does it is so harsh and mean and hateful it just makes me cry when I hear about it. I understand what you are going through; I have lost MANY nights of sleep and spent countless hours worrying and stressing and crying about it. I guess I am fortunate that I was able to come to terms with it before we became preggo. This will be her first grandchild and it is SO sad that she won't see him or her because she has decided to kick people out of her life. But I have learned that she is hurting herself. She can't hurt me unless I let her- and truthfully, my life has been so stress free and positive since she quit talking to us. It's not worth fighting for a relationship with her when all she does is bring sadness and stress and negativity. I feel bad for my dad because I have a feeling he will miss out on a lot because of my mom cutting everyone out. How terrible to lock yourself into such darkness. I really feel sad for her now, whereas I used to feel hurt and sad for myself. Sorry for the ramble, I know it really is an awful situation. The only advice I can give you is to have Faith that there is a greater plan and remember that it's their loss. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.

This makes me so sad because I look at my daughter and can't ever imagine not having her in my life

It takes a special kinda person to be able to cut your children out of your life. I'm sorry you have to go through that

JennyJensing · November 2014

DH's mom died 6 years ago and his father remarried quickly. He is...absent. Luckily, my parents are very present and our older neighbors have become surrogate grandparents of some sort. I think our children's generation will be made up of blended families of all kinds and as long as they are loved, it won't matter where/who it comes from!!

julesflora · November 2014

I have a really strained relationship with my mother in law (just her). We used to be really close and one day her bf ate some cake I had made that was cooling (he has a heart condition he can't have a lot of sodium) he ate a big piece of cake and I didn't know. She than starts yelling at me telling me I could have killed him and just yelling at me I apologized but after that our relationship was never the same after that. And I honestly didn't know he ate it. But she has been completely awful towards me for a year! She would say mean nasty things about me behind my back. Would complain about me cooking food in the house "you're not going to cook are you?" And I said yes she would throw a fit. And I would do laundry once a week and she would complain and y at me... I wasn't allowed to do laundry at night and so I'd do it during the day and shed complain because I was making the house hot in the day time (same reason at night) it was near impossible to live with her. I'd cry every day and was so uncomfortable living there and it would cause major problems for my bf and I. But NOW after we moved out and few months later I found out was pregnant and NOW she's absolutely nice to ne and wants me to move back in and she wants to help me with the baby (which is nice) but after everything she said and put me through NO WAY will I EVER move back in with her. And I believe she's the one that told me bf that "they" don't think my body can handle this pregnancy. My bf wouldn't tell me who "they" was so im 100 percent sure she's the one who said it.

lauravitale81 · November 2014

MrsC0409 said:

Boggzsgurl said:

I have no troubles with the IL's but sadly my parents don't speak with me or two of my other siblings. My baby sister is their little princes and they spoil her rotten but sadly my mom has decided that she just hates the other three of us for whatever reason (short version: we don't bend over backwards to do everything she says exactly how she says and she does not tolerate that). She also doesn't speak with her brother (hasn't spoken with him in 10+ years even though she found out he was diagnosed with ALS and probably won't live more than another year or two) doesn't speak with any of her nieces or their children and doesn't speak with my dad's siblings. She barely speaks with her mom anymore (my grandma) and when she does it is so harsh and mean and hateful it just makes me cry when I hear about it. I understand what you are going through; I have lost MANY nights of sleep and spent countless hours worrying and stressing and crying about it. I guess I am fortunate that I was able to come to terms with it before we became preggo. This will be her first grandchild and it is SO sad that she won't see him or her because she has decided to kick people out of her life. But I have learned that she is hurting herself. She can't hurt me unless I let her- and truthfully, my life has been so stress free and positive since she quit talking to us. It's not worth fighting for a relationship with her when all she does is bring sadness and stress and negativity. I feel bad for my dad because I have a feeling he will miss out on a lot because of my mom cutting everyone out. How terrible to lock yourself into such darkness. I really feel sad for her now, whereas I used to feel hurt and sad for myself. Sorry for the ramble, I know it really is an awful situation. The only advice I can give you is to have Faith that there is a greater plan and remember that it's their loss. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.

This makes me so sad because I look at my daughter and can't ever imagine not having her in my life

It takes a special kinda person to be able to cut your children out of your life. I'm sorry you have to go through that

I agree. I don't know how a mother could do that to their child.

bumpuser8571475 · November 2014

I have nothing to add except hugs for everyone dealing with family issues! I'm so sorry you are dealing with these struggles. >:D<

mrsgeiser · November 2014

I can totally identify with this, except it's my dad and step mother that aren't much of a presence in my life. After having a tough time with my wedding, I read a really good article that recommends asking people what role they would like to play (in the wedding and planning, as well as with children/grand children). I think this will be an important conversation to have with parents as we tell them we're pregnant, so we know where they stand, what they expect, and what role they see themselves playing in our child's life. It will also help me to be realistic, and to leave the door open for conversation!

RWPhoenix · November 2014

My oldest SIL is a big problem and has basically cut us out of her life (good riddance). My MIL can be controlling but I know how to handle her and her occasional crazy. My FIL knows I won't and don't put up with MIL crap and he treats me nice and we chat about sports. My other SIL is fine except she lives in Wymoning so we never see her. My brother's wife is my favorite in-law because we get along like true family.

Sorry for all the IL drama other people are going through. It's tough

Want a personalized experience?

In law struggles

Re: In law struggles

Choose Another Board

Search Boards