Baby's first night away

lwilliams12 · November 2014

ughhh my mother in law keeps asking for my baby to stay the night. I keep telling her I'm not ready but she can stay at my house and help that way. She tells me she will and to remember he will be in good hands if I do decide to let him stay the night (it makes me feel terrible as she seems as if I'm implying that he won't be in good hands); but I'm just not ready at all neither is he as I'm breast feeding/ pumping. HELPPPP! When have/ or will let your little one stay the night... #frustrated

littlemissmarla · November 2014

I would let them stay the night if it was some kind of emergency or I had to go out of town, but just because MIL wants? Nope.

bullybutt · November 2014

My son (2+ years old) has never stayed at my parents house. I don't want him to because my dad smokes. The first time he ever spent the night with my sister and her 3 kids was when he was 14 months old. If you aren't comfortable, then don't do. You will drive yourself crazy thinking about them while they are gone and will probably cause regret. There are plenty of other ways for your MIL to spend QT with him.

[Deleted User] · November 2014

Just tell her you're not emotionally ready to leave LO for a night yet. She will either understand or be a douche about it, in which case you will have every right to hold it against her from now on.

The only nights I've spent away from my 4-year-old were when I was in the hospital with this one. Not because I don't want to, just because the opportunity hasn't really come up. With him there was no way I'd have left him before he was a year old because he still woke multiple times at night to nurse. This LO is easier so far but I still don't think I'd be super comfortable leaving him as long as he still woke to nurse overnight.

nolemomma14 · November 2014

My MIL and mom started asking when DS was going to spend the night when he was a month old, and it's always annoying. Around 8 weeks we went to a concert and MIL watched DS. She insisted he stay the night since we would be back a bit late. So he did stay the night, but we also stayed there when we got back from the concert. So it was a win-win. She got to have DS stay the night and I didn't have to be away from him for a whole night. We had a similar situation a month later when my mom watched him while we went to a wedding. We stayed at her house, and she loved it.

Maybe you can work out something like that, otherwise just tell your MIL you aren't ready, and that it would be too difficult with EBF and pumping. Hopefully she understands!

jnnfrrose6 · November 2014

We left DS overnight for the first time at around 9 months (stayed with my parents). We went on a long weekend to Mexico for a wedding and I think that was just about right timing wise for me to be comfortable. They also watched him when DD was born, but that was at our house. I'm trying to think if there's been any other times so far, and honestly I can't think of any, though that doesn't seem right.

DH is already asking when I'll be ready to leave DD so we can have a long weekend together, and I told him I'm just not there yet. I'm actually planning on bringing her on a long weekend in January and letting DS stay behind because I just can't get my head around pumping enough to do that yet.

INmommy871278 · November 2014

DS spent the night at my parents for the first time when he was four months old. My parents ,eat both kiddos for the night in September so DH and I could go out for our anniversary. Leaving DD bothered me more than when I left DS, but he was two ,on the older than DD was the first time I left them over night. I have been lucky and have two very good sleepers from early on. Everybody is different and it takes time to be able to emotionally handle the kiddos being gone all night. Like pp said I would tell MIL you are not emotionally ready to leave LO overnight but when you are you will make arrangements with her, until then she is welcome to visit.

EllaSmella · November 2014

Don't feel bad at all. You are nursing, LO is still (in the big picture of things) very small. There will be plenty of time for sleepovers at Grandmas. We didn't leave DS overnight until he was night weaned (around a year) and even then, we didn't do it regularly until he was two and had a better idea what was going on.

There will be lots of people telling you lots of things over the next 18 years. This is a good way to practice gently telling your MIL that you're just not ready, but when you are, she'll be one of the first in line to keep LO overnight.

jrinehart0 · November 2014

I agree with everyone else, do what you want! Your family, your decisions. Personally, we had a wedding a month after LO was born, so she stayed at my mother's house at 1 month old. And, we have left her a few times since then. Our opinion is that we want her to be used to sleeping at other people's houses and we need our alone time as husband as wife. But, that's us. I don't judge anyone who makes different decisions and you shouldn't listen to anyone who may judge you.

kjskjs · November 2014

DD has never gone to stay at ILs or my parents house. They have watched her overnight at our house when I've been hospitalized for kidney infection and for the birth of DS. There was one night when she was about 6 months that we tried a night away but they still watched her at our house and we were 20 minutes away. I didn't sleep very well. I can't foresee a night away from DS for awhile. Even when we do, it'll probably be a matter of one of our sets of parents staying with the kids at our place. I'm a firm believer that what you says goes. If you're not ready, tell her no and tell her that you'll ask her when you're ready, but until then she is welcome to come visit.

Edit: Bad grammar(to be fair, it's probably still bad)

darkangel42 · November 2014

DD1 was 3 because I was an over-paranoid whacknut when I had her.

DD2 was 2 months old and stayed with MiL while DH and I went to VT for the night but it wasn't an adjustment for her since we live in the same building anyway. That said, I couldn't relax so it was probably too soon for me even though DD was fine.

Go with what you're comfortable with and if that means no overnights yet, so be it.

honeybee434 · November 2014

If you don't feel ready, then don't do it. You could, however, use it to work out some plans depending on your social schedule. You could go out for NYE and have her watch the baby at your house and just stay out extra late. Or if you have an event coming up with friends where you would want to be out late/get a hotel or an anniversary. I know that if I had a specific plan for leaving LO or an event it would be much easier as there is something to distract me and a reason for it. Just a random night when I have no plans? No way could I do that. Only way that would fly with me is if I wasn't feeling well and needed a little break for some rest.

melissaquinn106 · November 2014

Unfortunately (or fortunately however you may look at it) I had to leave my baby overnight pretty early on. When she was only a month I left her just for a few hours with my mom for a wedding. Then at two months I left her with DH for a weekend for my sisters bachelorette weekend in Monatuk (about 2 hour away) I am BF so that was really rough with making sure I had enough milk for her and pumping while away. Then at 3 months I had my sisters wedding and had to leave her overnight again with a coworker/friend. It was most difficult to leave her for the bachelorette weekend but once I was away and got over the fact I had to pump every 3 hours I was ok.

So, since I had so many events early on where I had to leave her, I'm way more relaxed about it. It's still tough but I can handle it a little better then if is never left her side.

I probably wouldn't just send her over there bc my mom wanted her overnight, but you could maybe take advantage of her offer and do something nice for just you and SO? Go out for dinner and drinks perhaps? Just an idea.

lamarei · November 2014

Thank her, tell her you will keep that in mind, and do whatever you think is best, especially if you think keeping your baby with you is the best thing. You don't have to explain your decisions to ANYONE. You are doing things just right for you.

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