Has sharing your news affected your relationships?

KellyinHB · November 2014

For those of you who have decided to tell people already, have you noticed that your news has changed your relationships at all, either positively or negatively? I've had a couple of nice surprises, actually. For example...

(1) I was really nervous to tell my best friend. She doesn't have kids, by choice, and I think she always thought we'd be kidless buddies together. However, she was SUPER supportive and excited for me. She even went out of her way to research all the beauty products I could safely use (she's a Sephora junkie) and checks up on me.

(2) My other nice surprise was at work. I've already told my whole immediate team. I've always got along with everybody, but never really had anything in much common. The other girls all had babies and I was always off doing something that nobody really related too. But, now that I am pregnant, it's like I've been welcomed into this unspoken sisterhood and everybody is so nice and caring towards me, and we finally have so much in common. I was surprisingly touched by the reaction.

Anybody else notice changes in their relationships?

GraceWordie · November 2014

Eh not as lucky as you. My first pregnancy my best friend since I was 5 all but dissapeared. She was very shocked even though she knew I was trying. She's a partier and habitual dater and even though we are the same age she thinks she's 19 still. It was hard and I felt very offended by her reactions and comments. Luckily this time around she's much more supportive and really excited so she says. So we will see how it goes. People react differently and it's sad when it's negative, the friends with children are always way excited to welcome you into the club but the single friends sometimes not so much. I feel sometimes it's a reflection of them being Unhappy in their own lives or maybe not being were they thought they would be. Hope you have positive reactions only

KellyinHB · November 2014

Aww, I hope the reaction from your childhood friend turns out to be genuinely supportive. I agree with you that one person's BFP news can make another question her own place or life choices. Don't let that damper what amazingness you've got going on!

kassisue13 · November 2014

When I told my best friend I expected her to be more supportive. My pregnancy was unplanned and unexpected but a happy surprise. All she could think about was how my pregnancy was going to affect her upcoming wedding. She never asks about the baby or how I'm feeling and I don't bring anything up as it seems to be a burden to her. I definitely expected a different response.

JuneBug0611 · November 2014

KellyinHB said:
But, now that I am pregnant, it's like I've been welcomed into this unspoken sisterhood and everybody is so nice and caring towards me, and we finally have so much in common. I was surprisingly touched by the reaction.

Anybody else notice changes in their relationships?

I loved being welcomed to the sisterhood when I was pregnant with DD. I feel it again to some extent this time, "catching up" with friends who already have 2 LOs. We have felt just a little separation from some of those friends since they had their second and it is fun now to share that in common and get their advice for how things change with 2 and so forth.

lncoolk · November 2014

Everyone has been super amazing that we've told. My momma friends are checking up on me because they know how icky the first trimester can feel and my non-momma friends are so excited to be aunties and uncles. Haven't told anyone in my family yet (my mother has mental issues) and I know she'll be happy but it will be a lot of emotions for a very long time, just not ready for that quite yet. My in laws know and they are so excited as well. First grand baby for everyone involved!

ChristyM87 · November 2014

lncoolk said:
Everyone has been super amazing that we've told. My momma friends are checking up on me because they know how icky the first trimester can feel and my non-momma friends are so excited to be aunties and uncles. Haven't told anyone in my family yet (my mother has mental issues) and I know she'll be happy but it will be a lot of emotions for a very long time, just not ready for that quite yet. My in laws know and they are so excited as well. First grand baby for everyone involved!

My mother also has serious mental health issues which is one of the reasons I am waiting a little longer to tell my family vs his.

WafflesFriendsWork · November 2014

Everyone has been so so kind and happy for us. So far only my parents and siblings and one close friend know (and DH's coworker who knows because DH was showing him something on his phone while I was texting him I SCHEDULED OUR SONOGRAM!!! So excited!!)

DH wasn't a crier or anything but he's already turned into super dad. He's always been very caring and attentive but it's on a whole different level now. I love hearing him ask if I've thought of any girl names and checking to make sure I'm eating /drinking/comfortable. He wants to go try on baby carriers because he thinks the baby will like being close to him and it'll be safer. I'm just one big heart-eyed emoji because of it.

My mom and I wandered Old Navy this weekend and we found a tiny cap that looks identical to one my dad wears and she just bawled her eyes out. She bought it to surprise my dad with, couldn't keep it a secret, and then he cried when he saw it. We've had a very, very hard year (lots of health scares, illness, and loss) and it's so nice to end it in a happy note.

I knew going into this that several of my friends may drift away, but several will become much closer. I'm at a point where half my friends are single and party harder than I ever could and the other half are parents or newlyweds. I told a friend that we were thinking about TTGP (but was actually KU and didn't know it) and she was so upset and demanded drinks ASAP because she though I was "probably very fertile" and wanted to go out one last time. She'll come around and I'm too happy about my LO to let anything bother me <- my story and I plan to stick with it.

KellyinHB · November 2014

jefa621 said:

Everyone we've told so far is ecstatic. Probably because the people that know so far know about our infertility journey.

jefa621 that's awesome. I think our positive reactions have been similar for the same reason: being around for the IF journey.

For us, first, everybody was so excited just to see us get married (both a little later in life). Then, everybody saw how we struggled with IF, and knew how we are about to start IVF. I even had friends prepared to give me shots when DH was traveling. THEN, everybody was over the moon when we abruptly discovered we did it naturally instead.

staylucky · November 2014

So far, we've only told a handful of people. The two coworkers I told have been amazing. My mom, on the other hand has been a mystery. She was happy when we told her, but it kind of ended there. She never calls or texts me to see how I'm doing or feeling or asks how everything is going.... It's just strange to me.

qtjo5 · November 2014

staylucky said:
So far, we've only told a handful of people. The two coworkers I told have been amazing. My mom, on the other hand has been a mystery. She was happy when we told her, but it kind of ended there. She never calls or texts me to see how I'm doing or feeling or asks how everything is going.... It's just strange to me.

I am going through this with my mom. I've actually backed off on calling her (she is in Tucson, I'm in Detroit) because when I do I just want to talk about preggos but she has a million and one other things to talk about (mostly about my siblings). This is my first pregnancy so I guess I expect more out of her... I'm just not getting it. My MIL is way more interested than my own mom. I am counting my blessings with that at least!

tereseg13 · November 2014

I am so happy everyone is so open. My BFF of 14 years was super supportive. My immediate family wasn't, and still isn't super thrilled. I am not married but have a pretty good bf. If I could choose anyone out of my dating experience, he is the best one, and I am sure he will be a great father!! I have started "life" therapy, I started AA in July, am meeting weekly with a sponsor, and have been surrounding myself with positive people. I have been waiting until I am a little further to tell my whole family, but hopefully everyone will be around to celebrate in July. I have accepted I can't decide how people take my news. But I have embraced it, and am doing everything that I need to!! I am celebrating and that's all that matters. Yes, it may be challenging, but I am alive, and I can do this!!!!

staylucky · November 2014

qtjo5 said:

staylucky said:
So far, we've only told a handful of people. The two coworkers I told have been amazing. My mom, on the other hand has been a mystery. She was happy when we told her, but it kind of ended there. She never calls or texts me to see how I'm doing or feeling or asks how everything is going.... It's just strange to me.
I am going through this with my mom. I've actually backed off on calling her (she is in Tucson, I'm in Detroit) because when I do I just want to talk about preggos but she has a million and one other things to talk about (mostly about my siblings). This is my first pregnancy so I guess I expect more out of her... I'm just not getting it. My MIL is way more interested than my own mom. I am counting my blessings with that at least!

@qtjo5‌ Yes! My mom wants to talk about my siblings as well! There are 5 of us and I'm pretty much the only stable one. It's like she's too busy with their issues that she can't be excited for me. I know I sound childish, but it's my first pregnancy as well and I want my mom to care more!

mrspark812 · November 2014

Unfortunately I think my 1st ruined a friend's marriage. Granted they were having issues to begin with but I think us getting pregnant pushed her over the fence so to speak. She has some health issues that made getting pregnant hard for her (idk what exactly) so I thinm she was secretly questioning whether she wanted kids. And for some reason I think us gettin pregnant freaked her out. She even admitted to me she was terrified of getting/being pregnant. She wouldn't really elaborate but I stopped sharing things about my pregnancy with her because I could tell it was bothering her in some way. Not that she wasn't thrilled for me but in her own head it was messing with her. Long story short she told her husband (my DH's best friend and best man) that she didn't want to have kids any more and then the day my DD was born she admitted to having an affair. (We found out a week later). My DH always tells me that our pregnancy had absolutely nothing to do with it but deep down I really feel like it was what tipped the scales for her.

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