Being productive on maternity leave with a newborn

sapphires-and-diamonds · November 2014

Be honest. How many of you had time to daily get things done? Like multiple loads of laundry, dusting, vacuuming, showering, errands, cooking dinner. Shit like that. I don't mean on occasion when timing with LO worked out, but daily, on the regular. H seems to think I have milked my whole leave and he cannot understand how more things have not been accomplished the past 10 weeks. Am I inept at life? I want to punch him in the balls.

lbonga1 · November 2014

I do, but mostly because I'm organized, used to planning around what I have to do for the kids (this is my 2nd LO), and FI works from home. So I have an extra pair of hands to change a diaper or what not. But we usually have dinner after at least DD1 goes to bed, I don't bother dusting that often, and it doesn't take me that long to do laundry or vacuum a couple times a week. We only have a 2-bedroom apartment, though, so that might make a difference.

hurricanenellie · November 2014

At first I tried to be that productive and then I felt guilt for DD. She will only be this little for a short amount of time, fuck the dishes. I made sure he had clean work clothes and tried to figure dinner out but priority is bonding with this beautiful baby and soaking up every second that I can. Now that she is 8 weeks old I set myself realistic goals like in 1 day a load of laundry and cleaning both bathrooms as well as 1 pump for stash and sterilizing. Other than that goals are as many cuddles and smiles as I can get. And if he has a problem with it he is welcome to try and give birth next go around

jht14 · November 2014

Not every day is going to be productive. I try to get one or two things done each day but it doesn't always happen. Somehow I keep forgetting to do laundry. I've also found if I keep up on dishes each evening it's easiest. I bought a baby k'tan about two weeks ago and it has made chores much easier. I felt guilty putting LO down while I cleaned if she was awake. So now sometimes I wear her and it also helps her fall asleep of she's fussy.

My DH knows that I'm not going to be productive every day. LO comes first and if she needs mommy to cuddle her all day then that's what will happen.

herecomesthesun086 · November 2014

I can get this stuff done a couple times a week, they say sleep when baby sleeps, well ive been trying to do this stuff when baby sleeps. . I start cooking dinner when SO gets home from work. And I shower whenever I get a chance throughout the day, but I have found myself hopping out of the shower with shampoo in my hair lately to calm down LO when she decides to have a midshower meltdown. But consistently on an everyday basis, I don't think that will be happening again until this little girl starts preschool. I would want to sock him as well being that you are at home on leave to take care of your newborn, bond with your LO, and recover from delivery and from being pregnant for nine months. I go back to work in a week and a half... I wish I could be a stay at home mommy

sapphires-and-diamonds · November 2014

I feel like I'm doing well. I do throw a load of laundry in or do some dishes or take a shower or multiple things. Every day I do SOMETHING. But I can't justify leaving LO to stare off into space for hours at a time because I have to clean. I feel like that's what H is getting at. He would let DS fuss and sit in his bouncer, swing, whatever all day so he can do his own thing. I have less than 2 weeks before I go back to work and want to bond and cuddle while I can.

I have a hair appointment tomorrow. I am now going to make sure I'm out a couple extra hours so he gets a clue. He better stay downstairs on the couch.

purplestarz · November 2014

The shower noise puts my LO to sleep. So showers are daily since her bassinette is now permanently parked in the bathroom, I know I'm lucky on that one.

I definitely don't get AS MUCH done as I thought I would. To be honest, LO is perfectly content in her swing for hours. But then I feel guilty like I'm missing out on bonding time like pp have said. It's a delicate balance. But she did let me clean the entire house the other day before my dad came to stay with us. Daily I will do dishes. Other than that, I pick one thing a day to get done. Whether it's laundry, vacuuming, etc.

Sometimes I feel like DH expects more. For example the other day he asked me if I could take the dogs to get their nails trimmed since I "wasn't doing anything today." I just kind of gave him a side eye.

bf43005 · November 2014

I get a shower everyday but that's because DH is working nights so I make sure to shower before he leaves. Sometimes that is in the morning and sometimes it's closer to the afternoon. Dinner is made because he has to take something to work to eat anyway so one of us makes up a meal and puts it in containers. Dusting and bathroom cleaning gets pushed off to weekends. That's more because I find I get the cleaners on my hands and then DS fusses. Now I have to wash my hands before I touch him. Not such a big deal expect when it happens every two minutes lol. Laundry is getting done and I actually feel I'm more on too of it now then I was. Keeping up on it is better for me and I do one load a day. But mostly I want to snuggle and play with DS. He's top priority and DH gets that. Sounds like your DH needs a weekend alone with LO to get the full feel and see how much he gets done.

wrightpalomo · November 2014

Nope.

portentosa · November 2014

I bump too damn much to do anything extra. :P

I get at least a load of dishes done every day. .. on top of taking care of 2u2. I sometimes get a chance to do laundry or scoop the cat box.

If I'm lucky enough to get both kids down for a nap at the same time I have to decide between napping, eating, or folding laundry (something I can't do in less than an hour with the toddler awake).

I manage to get out of the house, taking the kids to the gymnasium or the library or to visit family. I also handle all doc appointments and am home for the exterminator or whatnot.

DH is working five 12 hour days a week throughout my maternity leave and is sweet with the kids, but tired and not patient with them sometimes so he has said a couple dumb things about what i am or am not doing all day. After the first month of him working so much extra time we had to sit down for a serious talk about what I do all day, the extra hours he's working and are they worth it, and what each of us needs and expects from the other.

purplestarz · November 2014

This popped up on my newsfeed today. You all might enjoy...

https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/6191530

MrsLaLaBug · November 2014

Yeahhhhh... You're def not inept at life bc I had 'planned' to do so many things, organization, going through closets, cleaning out attic, yada yada. Idk why the fuck I thought I'd be able to... I wasn't able to do it the first time around and this time either. I'm lucky to get the dishes in the washer, clutter picked up, and the trash taken out. Screw the laundry. And showering is like once every three days lol!!

amom2four · November 2014

Dh knows to just keep his mouth shut if the house looks like a tornado hit as long as the baby and toddler are clean and fed and all 4 kids are still breathing. He has absolutely seen how many hours a day I spend feeding and changing the little kids and gets it. They all make it to appointments and practices and school so by the end of the day I would be ready to kick him if anything is said. He has always been helpful at home though. I usually cook and he kept up with the dishes and anything else that needed to be done.

Daily chores have been pushed aside until just this past week or two when I've been getting a little more sleep and get up to get a couple if things done before he leaves and the littles get up.

Our outlook is more of a the kids are little and need a lot during the day and if the house gets trashed along the way oh well. They aren't little forever and we can get things done in half the time on the weekends so I need to spend all day snuggling, I spend all day snuggling.

mtlotslove · November 2014

Some days I get more done than others. I do shower just about everyday and I try to stay on top of the dishes and laundry. I get most of the housework done when DH is home in the evenings or his days off. He's also really good about making dinner just about every night. Between feedings, diapers, and trying to get DS down for naps the day just slips away. I do try and get out of the house a few times a week though, even if its just walking around the mall for a little exercise.

Sometimes I think I'm trying to get too much done and put everything on hold so we can snuggle on the couch. I go back to work in about 2 weeks and will miss it. Housework can wait.

mana8503 · November 2014

H does dishes and our laundry. He's awesome! I do LO's laundry because H is scared to mess them up. I'm lucky to shower every 3 days. Once a week I go through mail and write out bills, maybe pick up the living room. I make a huge meal or two a week and we eat left overs. My parents are both from big families and we don't know how to make dinner for just 2....

Also be prepared @SEK1114‌ for lo to be a perfect angel for daddy when you get your hair cut. I leave lo on Sundays with H to work out. She usually sleeps the WHOLE time. Meltdown mania is saved up just for me.

sapphires-and-diamonds · November 2014

mana8503 said:
H does dishes and our laundry. He's awesome! I do LO's laundry because H is scared to mess them up. I'm lucky to shower every 3 days. Once a week I go through mail and write out bills, maybe pick up the living room. I make a huge meal or two a week and we eat left overs. My parents are both from big families and we don't know how to make dinner for just 2....

Also be prepared @SEK1114‌ for lo to be a perfect angel for daddy when you get your hair cut. I leave lo on Sundays with H to work out. She usually sleeps the WHOLE time. Meltdown mania is saved up just for me.

I fully expect LO to super easy today for him. He'll probably sleep the whole time. Thanks for the input, ladies! It sounds like I'm doing just fine. When he said "I don't understand how nothing has been done in over 2 months." I almost lost my shit.

RedBaramid · November 2014

If I can do it one handed, or wearing a moby wrap, it gets done most days... but mind you that means I'm not doing dishes or any cleaning with chemicals.. so I pick up the living room once a day and vacuum. I straighten the kitchen table/work space but you can never tell by the time DH makes it lunch for work that I did it at all. Dishes only happen when she gets solid naps or I have a back up home (so DH is off work or a friend is visiting)... laundry is done at my in-laws and usually someone is around to want to hold her while I fold it.. DH puts it away since I fold and sort it at my in laws... I honestly probably only spend 20 mins cleaning on the avg day.... DH got moody a few times until he said something around his mom and she jumped him telling him how much I must feel like a single mom since I do it alone while he works all night and alone while he sleeps all day 6 days a week. The commentary stopped there because he helped his mom a lot when his youngest sister was born and their dad was far away for the first year and he had always given his dad crap about making it seem like his mom was a single mom with 3 kids.

anewadventure · November 2014

@SEK1114 said:

H does dishes and our laundry. He's awesome! I do LO's laundry because H is scared to mess them up. I'm lucky to shower every 3 days. Once a week I go through mail and write out bills, maybe pick up the living room. I make a huge meal or two a week and we eat left overs. My parents are both from big families and we don't know how to make dinner for just 2.... Also be prepared @SEK1114‌ for lo to be a perfect angel for daddy when you get your hair cut. I leave lo on Sundays with H to work out. She usually sleeps the WHOLE time. Meltdown mania is saved up just for me.
I fully expect LO to super easy today for him. He'll probably sleep the whole time. Thanks for the input, ladies! It sounds like I'm doing just fine. When he said "I don't understand how nothing has been done in over 2 months." I almost lost my shit.

channel some bryce harper and say, "That's a clown question, bro."

seriously, though, i WOULD have lost my shit. you clearly need to leave him on solo baby duty more often, which would also get you some time to yourself!

anewadventure · November 2014

@JudyBlume14 said:

Things I kept up with: 1- washing pump parts, 2- washing bottles, 3- dishes (because the sink has to be cleared and clean for me to accomplish 1&2), 4- scooping the kitty box

Things I tried to stay on top of, but was lucky if I got to one chore a day: baby laundry, our laundry, clearing off surfaces (coffee/dining room table), trash, recycling

Things that only get done in the hour before we are expecting visitors, and only with husband's help: vacuuming, dusting, swiffering, cleaning the bathroom

Showers happen every other day if I'm lucky (sleep is more important). I aim to get to the gym a few days per week (but only if my husband gets home from work right on time (I usually shower those days!). I made a "fresh" dinner maybe 3 times during maternity leave. Otherwise, I'd try to get crock pot meals prepped and in the freezer on the weekend when my husband was home and could either help with the prep, or focus on the babe.

I feel very lucky that my husband has not even made the slightest suggestion that he expects that I'd have anything accomplished other than having fed and taken care of the baby. But he's spent a lot of time alone with her in the evening so I could run out and get shit done, so he's well aware that it's nearly impossible to get anything done!

Also, she's almost 11 weeks old and I haven't dropped her. I think that's all that really matters.

this is us, too. except for me, showers > sleep - showers are like lyfe, mannn.

babies should have a sign on them, "slippery when wet" ... the only time i come close to dropping LO is bathtime and damn is he a slippery monkey!

aliciak316 · November 2014

I make sure to get a couple things done everyday, dishes because I hate having dirty dishes in the sink, and make sure everyone has clean clothes to wear(that does not mean they are folded or even out of the laundry basket) everything else is just bonus. Sometimes I can get the floors mop, dust, windows washed, but not as often as I'd like. There some days I forget to even brush my toddlers teeth.

wieb67 · November 2014

I usually can throw a couple loads of laundry in (but I have to cuz LO poops on every single one of his diaper covers, every single day) and load the dishwasher - was so proud of myself for making dinner like three times (in ten weeks! Haha!) and brownies the other day. If any cleaning gets done its cuz my MIL comes over to watch the baby.

dinodna3 · November 2014

Laundry and the dishes are top priority. I feel as long as we have food and clothes the rest is just a perk. I have been able to get more done now that has is a little older. She is will chill in her rnp while I work. I narrate and show her what I'm doing. (ie: while loading the dishwasher show her a plate, fork, bowl...)

kearls227 · November 2014

Dishes wait until DH is home and can occupy LO. I am able to vacuum a few times a week (priority with a German Shepard in the house) and at least every other day I can get a load or two of laundry done. I find it impossible to keep the house clean daily. I pick one day a week and give it a good clean (sweep/swifter, vacuum, bathroom, dust) and plan it out as LO takes naps.

I honestly find that the older LO gets, the more difficult it is to get things done since he's awake more often and isn't always content in a seat while I do dishes or something.

You are absolutely not inept. Lol this shit is hard!

ariellmae · November 2014

I figured after maternity leave I'm never gonna wish I cleaned more! I'm going to miss snugging with LO watching that cute sleeping face so I try to make it a habit to watch LO and housework second.

bainidhedub · November 2014

I set myself one goal a day (a load of laundry, vacuum the bedrooms, run and empty the dishwasher, etc) and I don't always manage it. I usually do *something*, just not the thing I meant to. It's getting a little easier now that LO's sleep has normalized a bit and he's taking 2 hour naps instead of up and down every 45 minutes.

DH hasn't made any really bad comments, but for a while he gave me a hard time for having all the lights on when he came home. I had to explain, if a light was on it meant that whatever I went into that room to do, I didn't finish it.

barbiedoesbaby · November 2014

I set the expectation early on before DS's arrival that my ML was time for me to rest, heal, and be with DS. I have no idea how DH and I make SUCH a mess but I didn't give two shits about it during those 6 weeks and I don't feel bad about that. Granted I literally couldn't walk for about the first 3 weeks and, crap, those 6 weeks flew by

. I take care of washing pump parts, bottles, and DS's laundry now that I'm back at work and that's about all I have energy for. Still trying to get back to the studio to work out - I tried one class and was sore for a week!

Luckily DH was on board with me focusing on recovery because he would have definitely been sleeping elsewhere if he provided any negative commentary!

For all of you who are actually getting stuff done, you are seriously my heroes. (OMG my iPhone just autocorrected "heroes" to "herpesvirus". Wtf - that would have been serious grounds for flaming

!

CUBBIESMAMA3 · November 2014

My DH is good about not saying anything, except for when he's upset. When he's upset about something, he starts to criticize. At least, since I've been back at work for the last week, he understands more now since he stays with the kids. I told him a long time ago that it doesn't matter who does it, as long as it gets done. I'm trying to get him to help out more. So we'll see how that goes. At least he did the dishes this morning. (I'm still in shock.)

teenybean · November 2014

Honestly I didn't read all of the responses, but my take on this is

Productive on maternity leave= laying around feeding and snuggling while healing yourself. Dishes and laundry will ALWAYS be there.

And when I struggled with the chaos in the past I reminded myself and all others who visit
One day, far too soon, my house will once again be clean and quiet and it will be a sad day indeed.

reneechudy · November 2014

Someone gave me a gift certificate for a cleaning service and it is a lifesaver! I now use it every other week. If you can find a groupon or deal for one I believe it is well worth investing some money in a house cleaner for your own sanity. Let someone else do the heavy duty chores so you only have to stay on top of laundry and dishes, and ask your husband to take care of certain things too. Luckily my husband is helpful (even though he works 12+ hour days usually) but that doesn't mean he can't empty the trash and diaper genie on his way out the door, thanks. I sometimes say "hey, you live here too" when it comes to sharing the chores. Make him remember he contributes to the mess and can help clean it up!

kristine618 · November 2014

teenybean said:

One day, far too soon, my house will once again be clean and quiet and it will be a sad day indeed.

Good reminder and well put. A very nice positive thought about the chaos and mess! We should embrace it and have no guilt for what we can't accomplish with LO!

Being productive on maternity leave with a newborn

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