Intro/what to say to people... (mention of living child)

rmfreeman1 · November 2014

Hi. I have been lurking on this board for support the past few weeks. I am so sorry for all of your losses...and really cannot believe how incredibly tough this is to deal with and how strong all of you ladies are. I just went through a MMC and D&C. I should have been 10 weeks....We had our first U/S on 10/24 at which I should have been 8 weeks looking back on this...but the baby was measuring 6 wks 1 day with a 90BPM heart rate. We were told to go home and wait two weeks to see how things progressed...so agonizing

. We went back on 11/5 for follow up U/S and found out the worst...as they put it: "your baby has died". I went in for D&C on 11/7 and have been processing all of this and grieving since.

Today, a client asked me when baby #2 was coming....I completely choked up, didn't know what to say and her response was OMG are you pregnant?? I had to fight back tears --and am doing the same right now as i write this

What do you say in this instance? Has anyone dealt with this? I can only imagine it will come up again. I am heartbroken...do a lot of you share what you are going through often? or do you keep your loss private?

Thank you so much for sharing your advice and experiences (HUGS)

LittleMrsW · November 2014

First off, I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending you ((hugs)).

I've started to become more open about my loss as time goes on. Although most of the time if someone asks when we plan on having kids, I just tell them we're thinking about it.

If I'm having a bad day, it doesn't come off as nice as that

flyoffeve · November 2014

I am so sorry for your loss. (Hugs)

I agree with @LittleMrsW some days are harder than others. I have been really open about this most recent loss and end up talking about both mcs. It is really hard. My reaction really depends on the person. I would have either simply said "no" or if I felt open to this person "I had a mc." Just know that most people do not know what to say. They should just say "I'm so sorry" but end up saying hurtful statements.

Nikolie93 · November 2014

I am so sorry for your loss.

I am very open to people about all of my losses but it does depend on the person. If it's just someone in passing and they ask if we are going to have kids I simply say "maybe, maybe not".

I am a very open person by nature but if it's someone in passing I don't really want to bring it up because I dont' want to feel as if I am asking for a pity party. It's a hard situation to be in

Your loss is still so new, I am not going to say it will ever be easy because there are days you will think about it and be sad, but you will most likely get to the point where you don't get teary eyed when someone asks you questions such as that.

Good luck *hug*

rmfreeman1 · November 2014

Ladies...thank you so much for sharing and reminding me that with time I WILL deal better. Your comments are so helpful. I greatly appreciate it and feel more confident, and not as lost navigating how to deal with all of this in the current moment. ((hugs))

Nikolie93 · November 2014

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better

4N6s · November 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss.

If people ask when, I say hopefully soon.
If people knew I was pregnant, and mentioned it, I just say I'm no longer pregnant.
It sucks. There is no easy answer.

TowerClimbersWife · November 2014

@rmfreeman1 So sorry for your loss.

Ughhh the dreaded questions! MH and I get questioned all the time by his extended family. They all have TONS of children and we are approaching 30 without any children. I'm not sure if I'll share with them about our MC. My experience with them being nosy has been negative, but I know deep down they would be supportive and kind if they knew we experienced a MC.

It is all about what feels right to you.

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