IVFers or those considering it....

sailorgal · November 2014

If you want to share....

One of the things holding me back from IVF is if I should be lucky enough to have extra embryos, I have no idea what to do with them. Did you think about it in advance? Have you made a decision? Anything in particular sway you or did you just know?

What are the options? Freeze, destroy, donate to another couple, donate to science?

pettycrocker · November 2014

I always vote donate to a couple in need if you have that option. BUT if you're going to go through the process use whatever you will need and make the decision later.

Frenchteachermama · November 2014

We decided to donate our embryos to someone who needs them but I doubt we'll have any left by the time this is all over.

Davie813 · November 2014

We struggled with that, too, and I'm not sure we have made an absolute decision. Because of my age, the RE thinks extra embryos are not likely to be an issue we face. If we somehow do, in addition to the options mentioned above, she offers the choice of transferring them during a natural cycle. We'd probably do that. That's obviously not an option for someone who produces lots of healthy extra embryos, though.

lawmom747 · November 2014

My doctor has a lengthy form where you have to decide everything in advance - if patient dies, if spouse dies, if there is a divorce, etc. It's a little crazy to have to think through every scenario.

Both times we have cryopreserved our extra embryos and so far, we have not reached the donate scenario. Our RE's office charges $50/month to cryopreserve.

Jodee37 · November 2014

honestly? i dreamt about having extras. i dreamt i would freeze them and then down the road if i was lucky enough to have all the babies my heart could love and STILL had extras i would donate them.

and then going through the process and having no extras (and no baby too) i laughed at myself dreaming "oh gee, whatever will i do with all these embryos?" i'm no way saying it's silly to think "what if", i'm saying it should be a decision you come to when you are standing at that crossroad. i don't think it should be something that would hold you back from doing IVF. because no matter how much you plan, you never know how it will turn out. and i would hate for you not to pursue something that may get you your rainbow, because you aren't sure what you would do if you had extras. kwim? this shit is hard, all these uncertainties. big hugs lady.

Davie813 · November 2014

hoppin747 said:

My doctor has a lengthy form where you have to decide everything in advance - if patient dies, if spouse dies, if there is a divorce, etc. It's a little crazy to have to think through every scenario.

Mine too. DH and I are kind of putting it off, but we need to do it soon!

We also need to decide about ICSI and genetic testing, among other stuff. Too many choices!

fuzzbumble · November 2014

I read somewhere about transferring the embryos at a point in your cycle they wouldn't stick, like during your period or something.

We thought about adoption as well, but its hard for me to look at my daughter and imagine someone else raising our child.

phishgirl29 · November 2014

DH was against adoption. Now that we had a chemical pregnancy we won't have to make that choice. We'll transfer my last one next year in February.

MoFree · November 2014

I've done two fresh IVF and 2 FET cycles. We have one child and will find out on Sunday if FET #3 was successful (we did PGD on day 5 embies). If this cycle is successful I will donate the remaining embryo to medical research. MH is just not comfortable with embryo adoption so it is a non issue for us.

There are so many factors that go into an IVF cycle that you don't have to decide anything now.

sailorgal · November 2014

I wish I had a form! That seems easier. Neither of us feels comfortable with donating to another family. I think it's so incredibly admirable, amazing and selfless but I think I would always be searching and looking everywhere I go for that possible kid or kids who share our DNA.

I talked to our RE briefly about it and he said he is very happy we are thinking about it because many of his patients don't or feel differently once they have their miracle baby and then are distressed about it later. Perhaps I should suggest a form to him. Our RE says he is optimistic that we could end up with several good embryos so it's a real possibility to consider.

Thanks all for sharing your thoughts!

STL34 · November 2014

I am on IVF #6 right now. And we did have one make it to freeze this time. But, I am a super poor responder and conceived my daughter on our third IVF cycle. So, it really hasn't been an issue. That said, both of the clinics we have used have had forms requiring you to decide if you would freeze or discard embryos that made it to freeze and weren't transferred during that cycle. There were also questions as to what happened in case of husband's death, wife's death or both of our deaths. They do not have you decide in advance what you will do with extras after your family is complete, though.

My husband and I talked about this years ago when we believed that we would be successful on the first cycle and have frozen embryos. At that time, I was pretty torn. Since I feel like these are my babies, I think they deserve a chance at making it. But, I had a really hard time with knowing that a child that is genetically mine could be out there. During the years of struggle to conceive #1 and now to conceive #2, I think donating to another couple would be easier for me. Unfortunately, I don't know who would want to take a risk on our sole frozen embryo given all of our struggles. And, we may still use it. We transferred two but are almost a week away from getting results. Praying that we will have to revisit this issue in the near future!

mommy2C · November 2014

IVF is a real possibility for us in the future so this is definitely a relevant question for us right now. I would prefer to donate any extra embryos to science. I'm not comfortable with donating for use by another couple and neither would H. At least if we donate to science we are helping in some way to advance technologies etc. If we are lucky enough to have another child we won't be planning to have any more after that so there wouldn't be much of a point in paying storage fees indefinitely.

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