STM jealous DS

white714 · November 2014

Anyone have advice on how to deal with a jealous 3 year old? DS is usually good around baby except when I feed LO. He has to be right there while nursing sticking his head right next to LO. I get really annoyed and then he'll jump on me or climb all over me while I'm feeding him and will not listen when I tell him to stop. Yesterday he elbowed the baby's head! I got so mad but he won't listen and I can't do anything cause I'm trying to feed baby. I try to include him in changing baby and stuff like that and all he wants to do is help and i let him but he gets so crazy when I feed him. I usually just feed LO wherever and if DS acts up ill go in another room but he will follow us in there and act up again! I am home all day with both kids and DH works long hours and has night school. It's easier when he's home!
I know it's part of the process but I just want to know what anyone else did to deal with jealousy issues or when does it stop?!

persephonerose · November 2014

We are bottle feeding the twins so normally if DS1 is wanting attention during that time I will show him how to hold the bottle and let him help me hold it to feed the babies. He is only 2 however, so his attention span is very short.

I also let him sit in my lap while I football hold the baby for a feeding and we watch his favorite cartoon or read a book. I don't like this method as much, since we are bottle feeding its not the best position for it but it helps me juggle the toddler and the twins if I'm in a bind.

A favorite "treat" or snack also works well. DS1 loves those gummy fruit snacks, but I normally don't let him have them very often. But if he is really attention seeking I will make him sit next to me during a feeding and as long as he sits calmly I will let him have a packet of fruit snacks.

ashie0610 · November 2014

This was a big issue for us the first few weeks but I think the novelty has started to wear off for him (DS2 is now going on 7 weeks old). It started getting better about a week or so ago.

PPs have given good advice. When he woul act up we would let him watch a show or I'd bribe him with some kind of treat like fruit snacks or chocolate milk.

Now, he usually just continues whatever he was doing and doesn't even notice when I'm nursing his brother.

megsandjohn · November 2014

Struggling with the same problem. I get her to do little jobs to make her feel important like pick out a sleeper for the baby, get me a diaper, get me a face cloth etc and say "let's go change the baby" etc to include her. But it's so frustrating how she always has to be up in her face, man handling her! I will just get baby to sleep and DD is right in there touching her face etc.
I find what helps the most is having one to one time with DD when my husbands home to take the baby. But it just seems like it's never enough for her and she's been saying things like "you don't care about me anymore? Fine!" And "you just love the baby more than me". I've been reassuring her lots and just trying to make her feel special. It's hard!!!

meggiev123 · November 2014

I second the idea of using nursing time as "story time" for the older child. This has worked well with my DD since she feels like she is getting my attention even if baby is at the boob

vrj0522 · November 2014

I agree with pp to try to make your son a part of the feeding… do something with him too while you are feeding the baby… singing songs, reading books, telling stories, watching a tv show. Don't push your son away or make a big deal or that might make things worse as he might feel excluded and feel more need to do something to get your attention.

white714 · November 2014

Thanks for the advice! I like the story time idea. I try to use the tv as a distraction but I should try limiting it more. DS has always been a mommys boy so i think its hard for him that I can't give him the attention he always got from me and I know he won't remember it later. It's also a little hard for me because I was working full time during the day and now we are home together all day every day! It makes really long days now that the weather is ugly too.

hippohat · November 2014

A lot of people suggested making a special basket of stuff that only comes out during feedings. I haven't needed to do that yet, dd has been great, but it makes sense to me. Good luck!

Jbunny100 · November 2014

Reading this makes me feel so much better. DS does very similar stuff when I BF DD. DS has also hit her in the stomach and thrown toys at her when I am nursing her. Every time he does that he walks right over to his time out spot because he knows he did bad. Ugh. I have started making a big deal about reading books or having him do some helpful things like put laundry in the washer for me. That has helped some. Just like a PP said, I have noticed a recent change in the last week (DD is now 7 weeks) where DS is being a lot nicer to her.

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