SAHD or SAHMS? Anyone else contemplating staying home?

dana1047 · November 2014

With rising child care costs my DH & I are contemplating him staying home. I am the primary breadwinner, and to be honest,he is more nurturing than I am. For us, his pay would cover daycare costs, and little else.

I'd be crazy to say that it doesn't scare me!! I feel both avenues are scary - sending my future newborn to daycare while I worry all day like most parents, or losing an income.

Anyone else contemplating giving up an income? For those SAHMs or dads, what impact, if any, did your choice have on your family dynamics?

twinklepits · November 2014

I am going to be a SAHM. I'm leaving my job at the end of this year. We know money will be a bit tight, but I have plans in place to save where we can. We aren't above shopping at consignment and thrift stores. Once Upon a Child is going to be our favorite place to get our daughter most of what she needs. We are also cloth diapering, which should be about half the cost of disposables. I also plan on selling some things I make to bring in a small income.

It's not going to be easy and sacrifices will need to be made. But, it's worth it for my family.

Good luck!

epidemic · November 2014

We have been considering it, especially b/c we are both military. It may sound selfish at this point, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to give up my future career to stay at home. I think we're going to try staying at work for now, and if it ends up not working, then we know it's time for me to get out. I know it definitely won't be an easy choice either way, but we will make the right choice for us.

And everything we're considering now will probably change once baby girl is in our arms.

SunRae1 · November 2014

We both want me to stay home. We are trying to figure out if we can get by without both our income.

jamiesc58 · November 2014

My DH is a sahd right now with our first two children and we love it that way. We have talked about changing roles once the baby is born for a while but he will have to find a job that pays just as well if not more than what I am making. We struggle sometimes like most families do but always are able to provide for our family and make sure there is food on the table. Our kids were in daycare for a few years and I feel that, even though they loved it and we loved the provider, they love it so much more to have a parent home with them that can attend school functions and stuff.

CivilMommy · November 2014

I was laid off when we had #1. We didn't like the instability of 1 income b/c DH and I had been both laid off at the same time a few months prior to that. he found another job - I did not until #1 was 16m old.

I like being a SAHM, but money was always an issue - even with me being frugal.

I will have 3 in daycare to the tune of over $33k a year in daycare costs - it is barely worth me working after paying daycare and taxes and whatnot - but we'd rather have 2 working parents than the instability of 1 working and worrying about that 1 getting laid off. We got spooked when we both got laid off when I was pregnant with #1.

Also - my career is progression based - If I take time off, I lose my place in the industry.

alexeleni · November 2014

I am lucky to have a part-time, flexible job (anyone else want to teach test prep? It rocks!) that I can do mostly from home. I transitioned to this on purpose knowing I wanted to stay home with kids. DH works for a non-profit, so money will be tight at times, but this is the right thing for our family. Let me recommend the beauty of flexible part time work, though.

pnutg · November 2014

I'm a SAHM and we definitely make sacrifices. We don't have debt other than 1 car payment and 2 small student loans but we will be relocating soon to a more expensive area. We both want me to stay home as long as possible but it's definitely not forever. Kids just get more expensive as they age and I don't think we will be done at 2. We really are playing it by ear but if you can afford to swing it for a while I would definitely recommend it.

abc829 · November 2014

I will be a stay at home mom for the most part. My jobs allow me to be pretty flexible with my schedule so if I do go out and do a shoot or wedding DH or my mom would take care of our LO.

dana1047 · November 2014

pnutg said:
I'm a SAHM and we definitely make sacrifices. We don't have debt other than 1 car payment and 2 small student loans but we will be relocating soon to a more expensive area. We both want me to stay home as long as possible but it's definitely not forever. Kids just get more expensive as they age and I don't think we will be done at 2. We really are playing it by ear but if you can afford to swing it for a while I would definitely recommend it.

Our home is paid for and like you we only have 1 car payment & utilities, food.

I know we could financially make it work for sure, but I also worry about the economy and what ifs. I work in IT, so I know if anything crazy happened I could always do contract work.

It's just a scary choice!! My DH always made more than me but he got laid off 2 years ago. His current job is mostly used as our "fun money" and he occasionally picks up groceries when I work late. I always sorta hoped I'd get to be the one to stay home but if doesn't make financial sense as I'm established in my career.

I'm hoping once the LO is a little older he can pick up some side work. The good news is it would allow him to focus a little more on our small farm.

Thanks for sharing your experiences. I just like being "comfortable" and not having to worry about paying bills etc. It's def. scary, but in the long run it will give me more peace of mind having him home.

JAP09-02 · November 2014

I recently started staying at home. Fortunately for us money wasn't a huge factor in our decision because my husband started a job that significantly increased his income. Basically we are right about where we were with both of us at our previous positions.

Ideally, I just wanted to cut back, but was told it wasn't an option. I was working about 4 days per week and wanted to cut down to 1-2 days per week. It was definitely a scary decision giving up my pay and wondering where I'll stand should I want to get back into the job market.

As for daycare costs, DD1 goes 4 days per week and DD2 goes 2. Next year DD1 will be in kindergarten, and we plan on sending DD2 to a normal (not daycare center) preschool. I calculated it out and we will save over $10,000/year! This would be much more significant if you had full time daycare. I will say I didn't worry all day while they were at daycare. I was very comfortable with my providers and will miss them greatly when we are not attending next year. So, if your DH wants to work because he finds it rewarding, I wouldn't necessarily use worrying about the child all day as an excuse not to.

I will have to say our family dynamics are so much better now. My DH works really erratic hours that change based on the week (this week 3p-3a next week 7a-7p), and he rarely gets off on time. It was putting a lot of stress on me to get off work, rush to daycare before they closed, get dinner going, do baths, and bedtime all by myself. I didn't love the setting I was working in and am so much more relaxed now. We have more family time because I can get things done while he is at work. It also frees my DH up to pick up an extra shift he wants, which financially for us makes more sense than him not being able to because I'm at work. Would you be able to occasionally pick up more shifts to supplement your income? It's something to consider.

There are some ways I try to save money since I have the time. I watch ads more closely, cut coupons, meal plan, and cook at home more. I also don't eat lunch out as frequently as when I was working. If I was working we'd be able to have more vacations, but I decided that one or two vacations a year wasn't worth the stress the rest of the year.

Sorry this got so long. Good luck with your decision.

cwiceangel · November 2014

I'm staying home. My husband makes all the money. And I've expressed that I wanted to stay home for a really long time. It's important to me. And he likes the idea simply because he basically works 12 hour days two days in a row then off two days and he doesn't want a child to experience things how he did with hardly seeing parents. His parents worked three jobs to stay afloat until he was like in middle school. Anyway. I haven't had work since basically finding out I was pregnant because the job I was getting ready to interview for required me to mix paint and no fumes. We weren't willing to risk things due to previous history of loss and I'm already high risk.
We don't spend money crazily. Really just pay out bills and trying to get out of the credit card debt we acquired going to college. (2 cards paid off!!! 2 more to go.). I think it's really about adjusting where you spend money and I'd start doing it now. I know difficult with the holidays coming up but could start in the new year put your husbands checks into savings and just live off your pay check and see where you need to adjust things. There's all sorts of apps and programs that let you see where you're spending.

doxiemom415 · November 2014

I currently work full time, but once they're here, I'll be a SAHM. I don't know that I'll be able to be a "forever" SAHM but atleast the first few years, for sure. It'll be an adjustment, for sure. But my pay would basically be paying for child care for 2 babies. So I'd much rather stay home and snuggle them all day!

mhickey426 · November 2014

I would love to stay home. The thought of having to leave another baby kills me. thankfully, dh is home during most of the day and then my mom or mil watches dd for a couple of hours. I love what I do and worked very hard to get here but I want to be home with my babies. Even if it is until they both are in school full time. We can't afford to live on just one salary so right now it isn't an option even though I wish it was.

amandamarie2 · November 2014

Right now I'm trying to decide whether to get my second degree right away or take a year off to stay home with LO. Our long term plan is that I'll stay home until our kids are in school and then work, but since this one is coming a little early I have another degree to complete before being qualified in my field.

Stucas · November 2014

I stay home with DD. I worked from home before she was born so I continued to after she was here (I sell stuffed animals on etsy). I had to close my shop for this pregnancy since I'm high risk and not supposed to stress and Christmas is my most stressful season. I decided not to reopen my shop until next year since we are moving shortly after baby is here. Losing my income hasn't been easy but we are making it work. We are also almost done paying off out debt and then we will have so much more money, I can't wait!

MitoRachel · November 2014

I am a SAHM and very glad to call that my job! Because I had some pretty big health problems prior to getting pregnant we were used to not only one income, but huge health costs. Financially things actually feel less tight right now. I would encourage your DH to find a way to at least once a week have some time to do something away from the kids. It's emotionally draining to be "on call" all the time. Some people can handle it, but I'm much fresher if a get a weekly break!

jobotrobot · November 2014

I would love to but not to save money since both grandmas are jumping at the chance to babysit. It's not a possibility for us since my job has the insurance coverage and if I go back to school, will help out with costs. I would love to work from home but that would require me finding a new job.

mfouillard · November 2014

I stay home with my 2 soon to be 3 children and I love it. Wouldn't want it any other way! Day care cost are so high that my wage would cover daycare and I'd only be bringing in 2-3 hundred dollars after paying day care so my husband and I thought this way it made more sense. It does get tight but we are adjusting well to the change of me staying home after our second daughter . I feel it's best for your child

Duffgurl · November 2014

DH is SAHD and a disabled vet. When I was working full time with our 1st little one it was hard not being with our LO but it worked great. Dh always took photos and videos.

Now that I am currently SAHM it's been a bit tougher since there is only one income. Although we manage. You just learn to work with it. Although I do plan to go back to work but I am not entirely sure of when.

Yaz14 · November 2014

I've actually already left work for reasons unrelated to the pregnancy but I had planned on being a SAHM when this baby arrives anyway. DH and I can manage on just his income as long as we're sensible. Things will be tight but it's always been my plan to stay at home with my kids so we're making it happen.

lexyraejay · November 2014

I'm a SAHM and it sounds like my previous income was comparable to your DH's. I always knew I wanted to stay home with my children, but even if that hadn't been my MO, I probably would have for the same reasons your family is considering it. We had to tighten our belts a little, but it's been completely worth it. I do work 5-10 hours a week and we have relatives close by who watch DD for me. Depending on your DH's perspective, you may want to talk to him about developing hobbies or some sort of activity that puts him in touch with his peers. That can really help to alleviate a sensation of being "trapped" with the kiddos all the time.

Edited for spelling.

apperdoodles · November 2014

Yaz14 said:

I've actually already left work for reasons unrelated to the pregnancy but I had planned on being a SAHM when this baby arrives anyway. DH and I can manage on just his income as long as we're sensible. Things will be tight but it's always been my plan to stay at home with my kids so we're making it happen.

Ditto. We were DINK for about 4 years so we were able to pay off most of the student loans and purchase a car with cash.

xuxachi · November 2014

I have been a SAHM for 3 years now. My work required long hours and travel, so I didn't want to continue with kids. We happened to buy our house around the same time as having our first kid so made sure our mortgage was in line with 1 income - DH makes good money so we're fortunate in that regard. I didn't want to exit the career tract completely, so I've taken on freelance projects here and there with my old company, and for that I have a sitter that comes 3 half days a week. I like using that other part of my brain and only doing it 10-15 hrs a week. It has worked for us so far.

xuxachi · November 2014

I personally find it waaaay harder staying home...bosses are demanding and irrational and emotionally draining. But it's pretty darn rewarding as well

meganbethg · November 2014

I'm becoming a SAHM, currently I'm a nanny and the families that I work for have all told me they would love for me and my future son to come watch their children still, so I do have a fall back plan. Also we have my fiancé's retirement check and he's using his GI Bill to go to graduate school for the first year of our son's life. In theory we'll have enough from his retirement and GI Bill to live frugally but I'm really worried about living paycheck to paycheck sooo I might work again after a few months. It's still all up in the air. Being a childcare provider myself I see first hand how much parents have to miss out on leaving their child with a nanny or daycare but know that the good ones love these children like they're their own. I'm going to miss the little girls I watch sooooo much! They're so sweet and love rubbing the belly

alie78_80 · November 2014

DH was laid off about a year before DS was born, and due to the economy he wasn't able to find another job. So, he stayed home till DS was 2, when he was able to find another job. I loved that he stayed home with DS, no one loves your LO more than mom or dad. But, it was hard for me at times. Having to go to work and not be there with them was tough, especially that first year. But, I'm a teacher so I feel very fortunate for the schedule that I have and being able to be home as much as I am.

Financially, we have our house paid off so we didn't have to worry about that, which was a HUGE help. It would have been really hard to make it work if that wasn't the case.

crazychickenlady · November 2014

I am going to be a SAHM once baby comes. It is a little nerve wracking giving up my portion of the income, but it is important to be there as my kids are growing up, and the cost of daycare (especially with eventually having multiple children) would soon outweigh what I make at work. So it is nerve wracking, but it was a pretty easy decision for us to figure out how to make it work. We will cut costs where we can (such as cloth diapering and breastfeeding) and make it work. We both think it is important, so we will see how it works! I must say, I am excited thinking about being able to leave my 8-5, M-F job. That's for sure!

be888 · November 2014

I have been a SAHM for the past 18 months. I love that I get to spend all this time with my son. It is quite uncommon in my family and friends to stay home, and I often feel the judgement of others. I wish it didn't affect my self esteem sometimes. It is a decision we made as a couple, and it works for us. I'm planning on going back to school next fall to get a teaching certificate, and I'm dreading it. I don't know how I will do it all with 2 kids.

whippoorwill3 · November 2014

be888 said:
I have been a SAHM for the past 18 months. I love that I get to spend all this time with my son. It is quite uncommon in my family and friends to stay home, and I often feel the judgement of others. I wish it didn't affect my self esteem sometimes. It is a decision we made as a couple, and it works for us. I'm planning on going back to school next fall to get a teaching certificate, and I'm dreading it. I don't know how I will do it all with 2 kids.

It bums me out to hear that you feel judgement from others about being a SAHM. I think staying home is beautiful, challenging and rewarding work. You shouldn't feel bad about doing what you believe was the right thing for your family.

be888 · November 2014

whippoorwill3 said:

I have been a SAHM for the past 18 months. I love that I get to spend all this time with my son. It is quite uncommon in my family and friends to stay home, and I often feel the judgement of others. I wish it didn't affect my self esteem sometimes. It is a decision we made as a couple, and it works for us. I'm planning on going back to school next fall to get a teaching certificate, and I'm dreading it. I don't know how I will do it all with 2 kids.
It bums me out to hear that you feel judgement from others about being a SAHM. I think staying home is beautiful, challenging and rewarding work. You shouldn't feel bad about doing what you believe was the right thing for your family.

I'm a pretty confident person, but always being asked "So, when are you going to start working again?" and "So what do you do all day?" gets annoying.

mrsalvidrez · November 2014

It is my dream to stay at home.
Not because i think it's glamorous or easy (I think it's one of the hardest jobs), but because my mom was and still is a SAHM and that is what I want for my kids. Right now it is just simply not realistic, I too make the primary income for myself and DH and I have crunched numbers a zillion times to see if we could make it work. I know eventually I will get to stay home, but for now it just isn't in the cards. Luckily, I don't have to take LO to daycare because I have a great support system of family and DH will care for baby boy a lot when I'm at work. If I didn't have the support system I do I would be having a much harder time facing the fact that I can't stay home with LO once he comes along.

purple_2012 · November 2014

I would love to be a SAHM, but I am the breadwinner for our family and have all of our insurance. DH could be a SAHD, but that isn't really his thing. We're thinking that he may cut back to part-time only working 3 days a week and then getting a babysitter for the days he is at work. I'm a teacher, so we've got childcare covered during the summer

I guess we will see how the money is when I go back to work in August.

tirola · November 2014

We're giving serious thought to me staying home once the baby is born. I am currently a nanny for four kids and take my boyfriend's daughter to work with me as well. My boss has already said I can bring the baby to work with me in the fall but I'm not sure if I'm mentally or physically up for caring for 2 elementary kids, 2 preschoolers, a 2 year old who still isn't walking and a newborn! It's been a really tough decision though because I've been with my nanny family for 10 years now so the thought of leaving is hard. We've still got time to decide but the odds seem to be leaning towards me staying home.

WeLiveInMaine · November 2014

I'm a stay at home mom and it works amazingly well for us. There are a lot of expenses that are related to working that get overlookedas well as a great number of benefits you might not have thought of from one person staying home.
I for one would have spent a ton on pre-made food during this pregnancy if I had to work all day, but instead I can pace myself thru the day and make dinner every night.

ashleigh76 · November 2014

I would love to stay home, but money wise it just isn't going to be doable. My husband is self employed, so we have to get insurance through my job. Even if I drop down to part time, our insurance would shoot up ~$100/month and then we'd still be paying for daycare for the days I work. We just have too many other expenses right now to go down to one income.

coriej4110 · November 2014

I plan on staying home. My husbands job luckily covers all of our bills with a decent buffer. Once I found out we were expecting, I went from PT to FT which I'll work until baby comes. That's helping pay off all of our debt, extra baby expenses and put extra into savings (incase something comes up while I'm not working).

I may go back to part time a while after baby comes. But we've already settled on no more than that. DH works 12hr shifts, 5 days a week. I don't want both of us being away from baby 40-60hrs a week.

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SAHD or SAHMS? Anyone else contemplating staying home?

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DD 7/2010, DS 3/2012, #3 due 4/24/2015

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