Do we need to help from a fertility specialist??

Kdkoehn · November 2014

Ok.... I'm new here, and this could get a but lengthy.. I was on the pill for about 2 1/2 yrs. It has been about 2 1/2 yrs since I went off of it now and still no baby... Here's the deal... That's about all we did, was go off the pill. Didn't really Try to get pg, and actually intercourse didn't happen that often in the first year for sure after goin off the pill, but now I have been charting on fertility friend for a little over a year and I ovulate pretty much every month. We do have a problem, because my hubby has a hard time with "sex on demand" not sure if that's a good term for it, but I think you'll understand.. It doesn't work well for him if I tell him, "Ok, right now is my fertile time and we should really try hard" he doesn't perform well under pressure, so therefore, during the whole year of charting we only have about 3 months where we had a good chance of conception... Usually if a couple has been having unprotected intercourse for 2 1/2 years they would be advised to do some doctoring, however, with all things considered, do you think we should just keep trying or see a doctor?

Kdkoehn · November 2014

Only bout 2

.. there was one month when it was about that regular, but not quite. That would make it 3 cycles in bout 14 months of charting.. I don't know about befor that, but we didn't have intercourse very often befor I started charting.

Kdkoehn · November 2014

By the way... Is there some way I can get a notification when someone replies to a post?

theholmanherd · November 2014

Kdkoehn said:
By the way... Is there some way I can get a notification when someone replies to a post?

Go to preferences and select notifications preferences. You can change it there.

Kdkoehn · November 2014

Ok... I figured that was probably the biggest issue, that it wasn't timed right. We'll keep trying... And btw we do not only have sex when I'm ovulating

LindseyM2012 · November 2014

Hello there! I just wanted to add my 2 cents. While you've been trying for a long time, you've only had a realistic chance at conception about three times. I would say if you've had a realistic chance of conception every cycle, it is definitely time for an RE consult, but since not its probably best to try other things to help with timing. I would suggest no longer talking to your husband about your cycle - when you O, when you should have sex, when CD1 comes around (although that's difficult to hide, you just don't have to announce it verbally), etc. If performance is an issue, don't have him "perform" for the sake of a baby. Have fun, make sex about the intimacy. If he's not thinking about O days and fertile windows vs. non-fertile windows things might get easier for him.

Remember, he's the one who has to do the work here. Your egg will be there waiting regardless of his performance or non-performance.

Good luck!

dancerspose · November 2014

DH and I were actually in a similar situation. When I first went off BCP and the possibility of a pregnancy became real he started having some performance issues. It was all psychological - having spent the last 35 years trying NOT to make a baby the switch to trying was difficult for him, even though he wants kids. And this was without me temping and all that, just with sex in general. Once we got through that situation, mostly through lots of talking it out with each other, I thought we were back in business. I, however, immediately sought the advice of an RE when my cycles started getting really wonky (40-50 days).

So, I can see both sides of this. Given your husband's performance anxiety you haven't really been trying for that long. That said, since it has been so long, I could understand wanting to get things progressing as quickly as possible. Also if your husband is unable to overcome the performance anxiety your only option may be IUI. If your insurance covers testing and visits with an RE I personally don't think it could hurt to pursue that, but I that would be secondary to your husband seeing a urologist and possibly a therapist. In the meantime, I definitely agree with PPs about taking the pressure off. Don't make sex about the baby making (even when you are ovulating), mix it up, make it about the two of you.

Good luck!

BunnyBerry · November 2014

I disagree with some of the PPs' opinions, but of course in the end it is your choice.

After 2.5 years, infertility is absolutely not your fault, even if you are inadvertently putting too much pressure on YH. If he has performance issues, that is a legitimate medical concern - telling you that the solution is to try to chill out about it for another year or something seems to me like it could feel the same as someone telling me to just "relax" and I will get pregnant.

You have absolutely tried enough. Whether the problem is ED, ovulation, blocked tubes, or anything else, all women have every right to get whatever medical treatment can help you get pregnant.

I think it might be a big relief to you to see an RE and get fully tested, and I'm sure he/she will advise YH to see a urologist. There are so many possible solutions to the problem.

The reality is that even without "great" timing, if you've typically been having sex 2x/week for a year or more, it's not like you've been on birth control pills or abstaining from sex! If you haven't gotten pregnant by now, there's plenty of reason it's worthwhile to check if something other than performance is getting in the way. Plus, it wouldn't make sense to move forward with treatment until you've checked both partners.

LindseyM2012 · November 2014

I'm sorry if I came across as telling OP to "just relax". Hopefully everyone here knows that I'd not do that. I was just saying to try least invasive technique first before worrying. Try to resolve the identified problem first before moving on. I'm definitely not saying "just relax", but I am suggesting making strategic changes to the approach. I hope that clarifies what I was trying to say.

ETA - I feel like the difference between what I said and the "just relax" advice is this: When people say "just relax", they're telling you to not do anything different and things will happen "in their own time." That is definitely not what I'm was trying to say.

BunnyBerry · November 2014

@lindseym2012 FWIW I think your advice was helpful and sensitive.

I don't necessary agree with the bolded because I disagree wtih starting treatments with the assumption that the first problem ID'ed is the only problem.

I think it was more like, if I was off BC for 2.5 years without a BFP, I would want to hear that it is okay to go to the doctor for the medical condition of IF.

LindseyM2012 said:

I'm sorry if I came across as telling OP to "just relax". Hopefully everyone here knows that I'd not do that. I was just saying to try least invasive technique first before worrying. Try to resolve the identified problem first before moving on. I'm definitely not saying "just relax", but I am suggesting making strategic changes to the approach. I hope that clarifies what I was trying to say.

ETA - I feel like the difference between what I said and the "just relax" advice is this: When people say "just relax", they're telling you to not do anything different and things will happen "in their own time." That is definitely not what I'm was trying to say.

LindseyM2012 · November 2014

@bunnyberry - that's fair. I guess it boils down to personal preference. I'm personally more of a one-step-at-a-time person and the way I suggested would be how I would personally start handling the situation.

This has become quite the debate, which I hope is helpful for you, @Kdkoehn‌ You're hearing a lot of different ways that people would approach your situation and can think a about what is the right choice for you.

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Do we need to help from a fertility specialist??

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