N3TR: 2nd Marriage....Elope or Small Wedding?

Tiko99 · November 2014

So some of you might know that I just got engaged Sunday night and I'm shocked and thrilled. I went through a very bad divorce a few years ago and did the whole wedding things....we actually got married at the San Diego Wild Animal Park and it was a unique and amazing wedding in regards to location (I don't feel so bad spending money on the wedding that ended in divorce since 75% of the money for the venue and food went to the San Diego Zoological Society for wildlife conservation). Anyways....this is my fiancee's first marriage, my second and I'm not sure if we should just go to the courthouse or if we should do something small? My fiancee's two sisters were married at a the local courthouse so he has no issue going this route, but I wonder if we should do something small? Vegas is kind of out since my fiancee is a professional poker player according to the world series of poker so I know he will want to gamble while in Vegas, which is fine, but I prefer our wedding weekend not revolve around possible poker tournaments.

My parents paid for my last wedding so I do not expect and will not ask them for any money if we do have a small wedding so of course with the fertility treatments I suspect I will be going through early next year I don't want to spend too much money.....I'm just so confused! I want to celebrate, but don't want to go all out either, but at the same time want my fiancee to experience a wedding....

Any suggestions/advice would be appreciated...you ladies always have great ideas!

katers79 · November 2014

Hello! Our wedding was my 2nd, his 1st and we did Vegas! No chapels or Elvis, but an awesome vacay with 40 of our closest friends and family. It was ah-mazing and I would recommend it to anyone. We paid for it ourselves, and it was very reasonable. People wouldn't guess Vegas when looking at pics-- the venue was beautiful. PM me if you want any details!

DSculley1824 · November 2014

Hmmm...this is tricky. Can I offer a few suggestions?

1. Go to the courthouse and get married and then do a small reception after. Like close friends and family.

2. Do just a small ceremony with close friends and family so you're fiancé can experience it but it's still low key. Then do a dinner/reception after.

3. If you and your fiancé are fine with it then go to the courthouse and get married. Then take a few days (and the money you would have spent on a wedding) and go somewhere nice where the two of you can just be together.

....sorry I'm not much help. But if I think of any other suggestions I'll post again. Also, I LOVE how your first wedding played out. With the money going towards the Zoological Society. So cool!!

dancerspose · November 2014

I would also jump in supporting a destination wedding. If you want to save money you don't have to go to some tropical all inclusive resort to do it. I'm not sure where you live but you could always go to Florida or a ski resort or something. Any ice resort would be willing to help organize something small I'm sure. Hopefully in 10 years we'll renew our vows during a destination ceremony. We had a traditional religious wedding and it was absolutely perfect, but technically we had been legally married for over a year by that point. We secretly got married at the courthouse before DH's last deployment. We obviously did that for legal/financial reasons, but it was nice to have something just us. Congrats again!

Hollowvic · November 2014

Congrats on getting engaged. I got married in Feb of 2013, my 2nd and his first also. Neither of us wanted a wedding at all, so we announced our engagement and planned to elope in Vegas. My MIL had a fit so we compromised, had a very small wedding ceremony with dinner to follow at a restaurant then flew to Vegas a day later, we only had 15 people total, it was perfect. Not to mention didn't cost much at all. Good luck

. Although I would have been just as happy if we eloped.

redandblue · November 2014

Congrats on your engagement ! I also had my second wedding and my DH first. I tend to think of my first wedding as a practice wedding, and this one was the real one! I am a bit of a sucker for weddings, but not the expense! I personally feel if you finance wants to 'experience' the wedding, then it's probably about being with family and friends, having a bit of the spot light shown on your nuptials. So I would say have some sort of celebration! Even if it's your second wedding, it's your first one to him! Now a days there are a billon ways to do a classy wedding on the cheap! Look on Pinterest! That's my two cents.....GL!

theholmanherd · November 2014

I would do a small, destination wedding. I eloped and it was great, but if I did have a second wedding (we would like to renew our vows someday), I would go with destination or beautiful cathedral. I'm not into huge weddings. Congrats, again!

TTCBabyJ · November 2014

Congrats! I love the idea of a destination wedding. Maybe you could wed in Nevada just not the city of Las Vegas. Again congratulations!

BunnyBerry · November 2014

So many fun romantic ideas.

My uncle recently married (his second, her first) and their wedding was just perfect! They invited about 30 of their relatives and closest friends. The ceremony and reception were both at a very nice restaurant - they reserved the whole (small) place and had a chapel area set up in one space, cocktails area by the bar, then sit-down luncheon and cake. Made for lots of great photos and memories.

We had a big wedding full of people I had almost never met (all his coworkers/church/friends from China, and I had just moved there). It was beautiful but kind of silly to have all these pictures of random strangers - only 4 of my family members were able to come. We planned to have a reception in the US with my family and friends when we moved back here, for our 5th anniversary last year, but...IF. So I would recommend against waiting for whatever it is you want, life can get in the way!!

dominicandreamer · November 2014

Congrats again! How exciting to have wedding planning around these parts. I hope you keep sharing.

Destination weddings are the shit! No seriously though, best decision ever and if I could sell a hundred more brides on it I would. There are so many possibilities if you decide to go that route and it could be as big or as intimate as you'd like. I'm not sure what it's like these days but the DW Knot board was really helpful in my planning.

Anyway, whatever you decide I really wish you guys the best.

Tiko99 · November 2014

Thanks everyone for the congrats, we are so excited!

I like the idea of eloping in Yosemite or even Yellowstone National Park. I'm going to look into this....silly me thought we could only elope in Vegas or the local courthouse.

We are planning on going full force with the IF treatments starting in January so I'm sure I'll be all cracked out on drugs, so the more I think of it the more eloping with just the two of us looks like a much better plan so I won't be stressed out with any serious plans while on drugs.

Thank you so much for all the suggestions!!!!

deelopi9 · November 2014

Congratulations on your engagement! If it were me I'd do something very small - his parents/your parents a dinner somewhere to celebrate your love. That way you have pictures and memories of your special day. You go out to celebrate your birthday why not something as important as your marriage. My 2 cents.

BandM14 · November 2014

Congratulations again!!! How exciting. It sounds like you have an idea of what you want, but I also think a destination wedding could be cool! My wedding was my first, but MH's second... We still did the whole shebang, mostly because I wanted it and he wanted me to be able to have the wedding I had always envisioned. But when we went on our honeymoon (Sandals in Jamaica) there was a couple there doing a destination wedding and it looked awesome!

No matter what you decide, I hope your big day is perfect

LAUR8199 · November 2014

Congrats!!

I wouldn't worry about what anyone thinks. I think if people want to be negative they will find something negative to say regardless of what you do.

I like the destination idea although it could be expensive.

One of the best weddings I ever went to was small and intimate clam bake on the beach. Sometimes I find the more relaxed are the most fun but really it depends what you are into.

BandM14 · November 2014

BlueFairy5 said:

Congrats again It's a really good point about making sure your parents can be with you, if you're at all close to them. Though technically they could also come to the courthouse with you, if you don't want to do a whole destination thing. I've had friends do that and have a lovely afternoon of it. (Then a group brunch or dinner at the couple's favorite restaurant.)

@BandM14 We had sooo many weddings going on the week we were at that same Sandals. It looked like they did a really nice job, whether it was big, small, low-key, classic dressy (well, as much as you can do that in a tropical setting).

@BlueFairy5 I was super impressed too! It looked like the bride and groom, and the whole party, had a great time. MH was a groomsmen for a wedding at Sandals in St. Lucia (before we were together) and he said it was awesome for everyone involved. Definitely a good option for someone ooking for minimal planning and a fun trip... I talked to the bride from that wedding when we were planning ours, and she said she got to pick everything right when they arrived at the resort- cake choice, flowers, etc.... meanwhile I interviewed like 4 florists for my wedding, lol. I loved our big wedding, but I couldn't do it over again-- it was exhausting. I still think its so neat we honeymooned at the same resort- small world!

Sewfie · November 2014

I'm probably not much help, but I like courthouse weddings. I love our families, but the thought of being the center of attention in that way really freaks me out. My first marriage was a courthouse wedding,just the two of us. My second marriage would have been a courthouse one too, kind of. They don't actually marry people in the courthouse in our town. Seriously. We got the license and they gave us the number for a retired Justice of the Peace. We went to his adorable little house and he married us in his living room, full of pictures of his family. We thought about having a simple ceremony back home, but just never got around to planning it.

Tiko99 · November 2014

My parents, grandmother and aunt live in FL and my fiance's family are all in Reno, except for 1 sister so our families are not around the corner. My fiance's siblings (2 sisters and 1 brother) all have multiple kids under 7 (there are 6 of them!) so I don't think any of them would be able to make it to a destination wedding unless it was in Tahoe. My parents and brother would be able to make it to Tahoe, but my grandmother is not doing well so she and my aunt would be excluded.....oh the joys of wedding planning.....soooooo I've been looking up elopement packages in Yosemite, Yellowstone and Alaska.

Also, I don't think I'm going to do a traditional wedding dress, been there, done that....but this would give me an extra reason to lose a few pounds lol!

I'll give you guys an update once we have a plan and some pics!

Thanks again for all the ideas/suggestions. I'm going to post on male wedding bands soon because I found one with meteorite and dinosaur bone in it and thought it was really cool!

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