"She must be going through a growth spurt! " vent

LunaBug924 · November 2014

DD is 6.5 months old. I went back to work 2 days a week when she turned 5 months, and my MIL watches her at our house.

For about 2 weeks now she tells me every time I come home how "she must be going through a growth spurt, she just seems so hungry after her bottle! " I feel like she's trying to say that I'm starving my kid without using those words, and it is serseriously starting to piss me off.

I leave about 20 oz for her to give while I'm gone, and she nurses twice on those days. I realize that she takes more during the day than most, but she sleeps 12 hours overnight so she gets all her feedings condensed into a 12 hour period. It usually works out to 4oz every 2 hours. She also gets 2oz mixed with cereal in the morning, and 2oz in a straw cup with dinner. So she's right in the 28oz/per day range.

On the days she's with me just nursing, she is more than satisfied. I am just able to pump what I leave for her while I'm at work, and I really don't think she needs more. I think my MIL just thinks that every time she's fussy it's because she's hungry. I've been shrugging it off, but today it just got to me and I needed to vent.

No point to this. I've told her repeatedly about paced feeding, etc. Although at this age I don't even think that is the issue. It's just hard to argue over these things to someone offering free babysitting, especially a MIL.

doglover31 · November 2014

I'm worried about my MIL feeding DS when I go back to work in a week. When she's watched him a lot of the time it seems like she goes through way more milk than she should. DS is 11 weeks old and I leave enough for 4oz feedings. I always send an extra just in case and she normally uses that too. So I'm worried I won't be able to keep up the right pumping output if it keeps going that way.

Melody330 · November 2014

Sorry you're having a rough time. It can be difficult for care givers to understand how to bottle feed a breast fed baby.

I would stop leaving 'extra'. If you're that concerned about a possible spill or accident with a bottle you can leave a frozen bag at their house for a legitimate emergency.

My LO is 10 months old and I leave two 4 oz bottles for DC to give him while I'm at work in addition to solids. I also have them a frozen bag with instructions to only use it if they spill a bottle or something similar happens. They figured it out!

flcl · November 2014

I can understand your frustrations. Both my mom and MIL didn't breastfeed so they had to be taught about paced feedings and just how BF babies eat differently (and different amounts) compared to formula babies. Does your MIL do paced feedings with LO? It may help LO feel more satisfied when taking bottles....

https://kellymom.com/bf/pumpingmoms/feeding-tools/bottle-feeding/

[Deleted User] · November 2014

flcl said:
I can understand your frustrations. Both my mom and MIL didn't breastfeed so they had to be taught about paced feedings and just how BF babies eat differently (and different amounts) compared to formula babies. Does your MIL do paced feedings with LO? It may help LO feel more satisfied when taking bottles....

https://kellymom.com/bf/pumpingmoms/feeding-tools/bottle-feeding/

Great article! Thank you for sharing!!

Peanutz21 · November 2014

my own mom and MIL were not raising children in the breastfeeding era so it's easy for them to say that LO must be hungry because she "doesn't get enough" from me.

i found it SO frustrating too especially in the beginning because as FTM I'm so unsure of myself and how things are going.

just hang in there. try your best not to get into it with your MIL. i find it easier when it comes to MIL issues to allow DH to step in and resolve. we resolve issues with our own mothers in hopes it doesn't get too complicated!

hang in there! you ARE giving LO enough as long as gaining weight, wet diapers, etc and pedi is happy.

eggmankate · November 2014

Yeah my MIL watched DD one day when she was 9 months old. I've never had a caregiver at daycare tell me that I should send more milk. She was getting three 4.5oz bottles at the time and when I came home MIL told me that my DD wanted 6oz.

What the heck? I ignored that advice and wonder where she came up with that idea. I explained paced feedings and fast nipple flow and said that overfeeding is contributing to the obesity epidemic. I doubt she care, but since she doesn't normally watch her it wasn't an ongoing issue.

[Deleted User] · November 2014

SaraML13 said:
This is my MIL too. Whenever DS cries, she is convinced he is hungry, even if I just fed him. She'll pick him up and he will cry and she will say "He's saying 'Mommy, I'm hungry! Feed me!'". Drives me nuts. She also makes a point about how small the pumped bottles we give him are. DS is 7 weeks and she babysat a few days ago. We were gone for 3.5 hours and she went through at least 6.5 oz of milk.

I haven't found a solution, yet. Just commiserating that the comments about LO being hungry drive me nuts as well.

This was my mother too. My only advice is talk it out while you're still rational. I snapped and melted down at my mother about it and she still dances around any health/weight/feeding questions out of fear I will yell at her again. I feel bad. Maybe if you tell her how her comments are making you feel and talk about what is normal for BF babies it will help. With my mother, she only ever formula fed so there was a lot she just never experienced/didn't know about.

Edited: if you go to any BF groups, take her along one time. It might help if she can hears professionals talk about it/ have them answer questions she may have. It may help her be more supportive/knowledgable about what you're going through.

wieb67 · November 2014

This is everyone BUT my MIL! She won't give LO a bottle unless I make her. She's all "breastmilk is liquid gold" lol probably comes from being a La Leche League leader thirty years ago. DH though...I have to hide bottles or LO gets one if I'm gone for half an hr...

NADA-H · November 2014

Its the same here, my mom babysits a lot for us for free and adores our baby but she wont stop telling me how my baby is too old to be having only milk and should have started solids for a while now, mind you she is only 4 months, she thinks that am ruinibg her ability to chew and swallow and accept other foods and kind of starving her too, whenever i say anything i'm exagerating and she keeps giving her tastes of stuff behind my back.

Just because doctors and medical research say something it doesnt mean they r true to her cause she started giving me tastes of different foods at 1 month and we turned out great

starkbaby22 · November 2014

Lurking...I think some people just don't know what to do with babies, period. I know a lot of people think, "oh the baby is crying again.. Give it more milk!" I feel your pain with mom's/MIL doing BM Wrong. My mom used to shake dd's bottles instead of swirling and it drove me crazy!