2u2 vent

kleigh926 · November 2014

I just cannot handle this today. DS was up a lot last night (second really bad night this week) so I got very little sleep. I was exhausted all morning while I played with DD, and that apparently wasn't enough because when I was feeding DS later she was pinching and scratching me since I wasn't paying attention to her anymore. My plan was to take a nap myself while the kids napped this afternoon, except DS was fussing and restless the whole time so I barely got any sleep at all. After his suppertime bottle he still seemed hungry, so I gave him an extra 2 oz which he sucked down. I thought, oh, maybe he's been hungry and that's why he hasn't been sleeping well! I was all hopeful that he'd take a nice evening nap after that and that I could relax alone for a little bit (DH and DD went to the store). Nope, 15 minutes into his nap he's awake crying. How do you go from sound asleep to awake like that in 15 minutes?!? Gave him his paci multiple times, tried rocking him back to sleep and putting him back in the crib, nothing worked. I gave up and he's now laying on his play mat while I cry for the second time today.

I don't want to do this anymore. I love my kids, but I want a couple days without them. And I know that's impossible and I feel like I am working very hard to keep myself in check. I feel guilty for not being able to hold it together better for my babies. There is no point to this other than to let it out and maybe commiserate with other ladies who are going through this or have gone through it before. Sorry for spilling my guts here.

ericalee27 · November 2014

Vent away and don't beat yourself up! You are in the trenches right now, it is TOUGH! I hope you get better sleep tonight!

SummerLove21 · November 2014

Don't beat yourself up in the least. Sleep deprevation is real and killer. It's normal to feel that way - I fully expect to be feeling the same way very soon here. You are doing a good job - it is not defined by how well you "hold it together," but how hard you try and you are clearly giving it your all. Crying is a good release and if it is making you feel better, go for it.

Can you pencil an hour or two in for yourself this weekend? Tell your H to take the kids for a bit?

kleigh926 · November 2014

KatieKarasin said:
I'm about to pop out another and one option I'm leaving open to myself is temporarily putting DD into part time daycare 2-3 days a week. It will be expensive, and she'll have to cancel her other classes/activities, but I want to be kind to myself as well. Is that an option for you?

We are on a pretty tight budget because we're saving to move so I don't think that I could justify the expense since I'm home all the time anyway. I do have lots of family around to help me with the kids and DH is great, it's just been a rough few days.

Amstreagle · November 2014

Roo was like that a few nights ago and then we realized he had a runny nose and wasn't feeling great. Last night we gave him Motrin and he slept like an angel.

Poppy523 · November 2014

I'm sorry mama, we are right there with you. Don't be hard on yourself, this is really tough.

mishka29 · November 2014

Hugs! When DD was a newborn I fantazied a lot about driving over to my midwife office, dropping her off and telling them I changed my mind. Its hard. Take a few minutes and cry it out!

kleigh926 · November 2014

Thank you ladies. I actually already had plans to be at church for choir practice when they got home from the store, so I did leave for an hour. It was good for me to get away. I feel better now, still tired, but not like I'm going to go crazy. And DH told me he is taking night duty this weekend, so hopefully that helps me get some more sleep.

And now I am going to go eat chocolate.

ally2011 · November 2014

A BAJILLION hugs to you. BAJILLION. We have had a 7 week (tomorrow) old foster baby for 2 weeks. It is HARD. I have been through literally exactly what you typed out a few times in the last 2 weeks...most recently this afternoon. The other day I put DD in her crib with books and told her she did not have to sleep but mommy was taking a shower and would come back when done. I put little dude in the rock n play and got him mostly to sleep. I made sure all the doors were locked and then went in the bathroom, turned on the fan and took a hot 15 minute shower alone knowing that everyone was safe, even if they needed to scream for a minute....I don't know if they did or not, it was quiet when I got out. That can't fix lack of sleep of course, but it did a world of good for my mood and ability to cope with them for the rest of the day.

If you have family nearby, use them as much as you need with no guilt. Let DH stay with DS and you and DD have some time together. Or give him both of them for an afternoon this weekend and sleep. But no matter what, know you are not alone, it won't be like this forever and you will survive.

Hugs!

cinnasugar · November 2014

Hugs. Been there. My way of dealing was to hop in a looong hot shower the minute DH got home. And sometimes to call him ahead of time, and let him know he better pick up takeout, because a mama can't do it all. It'll get better. It really will. I read your other post on entertaining the older one, and I gotta say, it'll get better.

kelly321 · November 2014

You know, I think 2u2 is one of those things where you read about it and think "hm. sounds tough. poor moms." And then you realize you're going to be one of them and you think, "this is going to tough. I'll start strategizing about how to manage it so I'm mentally prepared." And then it happens and all hell breaks loose because you realize that "tough" and "rough" don't quite capture the household of pure need you find around you where you are somehow in demand every single second of every single day and wish you could go give your former self a good slap on the back of the head, telling her to enjoy it while she can - she has no idea how easy things are.

But... I can also tell you that about 1.5-2 years out, you think, "It wasn't so bad, was i? I think I can do that again." And then you read a post like this and remember, "Huh. Oh yeah. I remember all of those crying jags I went on and how I called a psychologist even knowing it could seriously hurt some of my professional options in the future." (mental illness / needing help is still very taboo here).

So I guess the good news is that this really, really tough time is something most of us 2u2ers went through, and 1) we survived (somehow...), and 2) it gets better. It does. Wait until your DS starts to really be aware of the world because all of a sudden you have built-in entertainment for him - DD. And then it gets hard again when he wants to play and can't or all he does is knock down your DD's towers, but then they start to play together. For us that started about 4-5 months ago. You will get there. Just have a LOT of patience with yourself in the meantime,and maybe see if family can help out occasionally to give you a break. It wasn't an option for us, so I understand if it's not for you, but maybe it is?

tamarar5 · November 2014

I am so right there with you! DH has been working a ton of overtime, so he's crabby. The kids have all had colds, so they are crabby. I've been on overwhelmed burnout for so long... I just can't. At multiple points today I had 3 crying children. 3. At the same time. It. Was. AWFUL.

Hugs @Kleigh926! I promise there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. 2u2 is so much harder than I ever thought it would be! But when I look back, I'm starting to get more good days than bad. I'm so glad you were able to be a rejuvenated a little taking some time for choir practice. I love to sing, but very strongly dislike my church's music director (and his taste in music). That aside, I've considered joining the choir just to have one hour a week where I can go away without children and be all alone with no one touching me!

ericalee27 · November 2014

As usual, @kelly321 is spot on.

Rosebean · November 2014

Just on the day care topic, but we totally send DS to daycare part time. He needs to play with kids his size and he loves going. Yes, it dips into our savings, but to save my sanity and to have him socialize and get energy out... It's more than worth it. When he's home, DD doesn't nap well because he's so loud. Today, she had an epic 3 1/2 hour nap that I had to wake her from (doctors appointment) because she was content in her swing with no loud little people toys to jerk her awake. I was able to get my house clean for an upcoming visit from the inlaws, eat, chillax, read a book... Went to her appointment, got groceries... And I had my sanity that I needed to get her to bed because she takes forever to put down.

Sometimes, just having that break of dealing with just one is what you need. Honestly, I highly recommend considering a day care for your DD for a day or two a week.

Honestly, all you other moms of 2u2 are way bigger champs than I am. I have made a point of not being alone with both my kids for extended periods of time. Remembrance Day is probably the first day I was home alone with them with no help for an entire day. When DH was gone to AZ over the weekend, I lasted until mid Saturday morning before I was ready to lose my shit. So I hauled our sorry butts to my parents house. And setting the scene, DD was up at midnight, DS was up at 3am, DD again at 3:30, DS was still screaming by 4 and fell asleep finally at 4:30, she was awake at 7, then again at 7:45 (for the day, and I mourned that fact because DS slept until 9) and my patience had disappeared with what little sleep I had that night. That whole morning she refused to nap and was a complete bear and he was into anything that he wasn't supposed to be into.

I know you are trying to save money, but to me, my sanity has more value than what's in my bank account. At least, for now.

brachysira · November 2014

Well, I just survived 2 under 2 for 5 days alone--DH was traveling for work. I did have 4 hours of baby-sitter who took the toddler out of the house. There were definitely times where both were crying and at least one of those I was sitting on the couch doing nothing about it because I was too tired. We couldn't even go out today because they tore up the street in front of our house (without telling us first) and it was 19, so no playing outside. It didn't go too badly...I had about 100 sodas and the cat box wasn't ever cleaned and the newborn never got a bath...but we read a lot of books, and everyone ate...not so bad.

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