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RANT: friends' pregnancy/birth announcements always seem to come when I *know* I'm not pregnant...

squidbugmomsquidbugmom member
in Trouble TTC
Does this happen to anyone else?

I always seem to see pregnancy and birth announcements either *right* before my period, when I am sad and can tell I'm not pregnant, or during my period.

Two of my friends just had babies and one is due in two days so I expect her to have her baby while I'm on my period also. It really sucks, and I'm sure you know what I mean. I have a really hard time with jealousy and especially when the pregnancies started "accidentally", or very shortly after marriage, so clearly they didn't have to even try to get pregnant. 

And here come the holidays. My husband and I are doing Thanksgiving alone but traveling to visit family for Christmas and I'm worried that my family is going to ask me about when we will have kids. I have a huge extended family and we all celebrate Christmas together. The past 2 Christmases after we've gotten married I've heard (from an aunt), "Yeah I told grandma and grandpa that soon they'll be great grandparents...", to which I just responded "we'll see".  Another time my cousin asked," So when are you guys going to have kids" and all I could say was "I don't know" and I let that topic die. 

Now this will be the third Christmas since we've been married, and I'm afraid of what they might be thinking-- I don't want anyone to know I'm infertile, I feel really ashamed about that. I know it's not my "fault", which I've been told (in hopes of fixing my feelings), but seriously that just doesn't help. I also don't want them to ask when we are having kids and I don't know how to respond besides "Idk" or "we'll see". What I'm thinking of course is "hopefully soon" but I'm not ready to share that with them. 

And I don't like talking about it with my immediate family either because my mom is really into "natural medicine" which I don't trust, and so our conversations end up "oh, you should try xyz..." ... "well, I don't trust natural remedies ..." and it just leaves a bad taste. I love my mom and I wish she would just be supportive when I tell her about medications and surgeries.




 
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Re: RANT: friends' pregnancy/birth announcements always seem to come when I *know* I'm not pregnant...

  • jessmacdonald13jessmacdonald13 member
    I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling and not looking forward to the holidays. I completely understand though, people have no idea how hurtful those comments are. Now whenever I'm asked those questions my exact answer is "We have fertility issues and that question is incredibly insulting". That puts them right in their place... 

    And there is NO reason to feel ashamed! They should for making you feel that way!

    Good Luck!
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Me: 31, Premature ovarian failure, brought on by Addison's Disease
    DH: 32, Testicular cancer survivor-- 9 vials of frozen sperm saved
    Married: September 27, 2014
    IVF cycle #1-- Dec '14/ Jan '15
    Meanwhile, we have one little fur-baby to keep us busy!

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  • DharmaChickDharmaChick member
    edited November 2014
    *Big hugs*
    IF sucks, and it suck even more when it feels like everyone else is having such easy success.

    As far as speaking with family, I personally would avoid the "hopefully soon" statement as that could prompt follow-up comments and questions that could bother you.  I don't have the magic words though, as I usually just smile and change the topic when someone brings up that topic.

    Edited, as I realized that you weren't intending to say that. :)
    ________
    ME: 34, Atypical PCOS (lean, no O without meds) + unexplained; DH: 33, mildly low motility
    09/2012: Start TTC after stopping NuvaRing.  No cycles seemed to occur.
    01/2013 - 05/2013: Tried Provera to "jumpstart" cycles. No luck.
    12/2013-     01/2014: Clomid 50mg - no big follies, stepped to 100mg; One mature follie, Ovidrel (HCG trigger), IUI #1 completed - BFN
    02/2014: Clomid 100mg;     One mature follie, Ovidrel trigger, IUI #2 completed, Crinone - BFN
    03/2014: Clomid 100mg -     no big follies on 1st round, 2nd round prescribed; One mature follie, Ovidrel, IUI #3 completed, Crinone - BFN
    04/2014-05/2014: Letrozole 5mg + Ovidrel HG to prep for IUI #4 switched to TI, Crinone - BFN
    05/2014-06/2014: Letrozole 5mg; one mature follie,     Ovidrel, IUI #4.1 completed, Crinone - BFN
    07/2014-08/2014: Letrozole 5mg; one mature follie,     Ovidrel, IUI #5 completed, Crinone - BFN
    09/2014-10/2014: IVF Prep - Insurance requires IUI #6;     Letrozole 5mg - no big follies 1st round, 2nd round prescribed; IUI #6, Crinone - BFN
    11/2014: "Break" - Letrozole 5mg to cycle before prepping for IVF - successfully O'ed, but BFN
    12/2014: Extending 'break' one more Letrozole-only TI cycle for mental health break - BFN
    01/2015-    02/2015: Prep for IVF - BCP then Gonal-F, Ganirelex, Novarel trigger;  ER scheduled 2/11!
    http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/4cf919
    PAIF/SAIF Welcome.
    December 3T Siggy Challenge: Favorite Holiday Movie
    image
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  • mharnickermharnicker member
    Ugh your telling me. My MOH had her baby shower the day my AF arrived, a cruel reminder of what seems to be what we'll never have. I couldn't bring myself to the torture of going to the baby shower. She did her entire shower our exact wedding colors of hot pink and black. Took her a month to get pregnant: I was honest with her and told her my reason for not going because we're having fertility issues. Yeah....I haven't heard from her at all. The holidays are rough. I have learned with this fertility issues you will gain and lose friends. Right now just continue taking care of yourself.
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  • mshandlebarmshandlebar member
    This is actually my biggest fear about taking a break next cycle. We have a few really close friends who are also trying, and I just know that as soon as we are on the bench, they are all going to get pregnant. I have a hard enough time figuring out how I am going to respond if any of them get the big news when we are trying, let alone when we are twiddling our thumbs. I just keep hoping that it happens to me first so that I can genuinely and whole heartedly be happy for them.

    The holidays are rough (which is why we are staying home this year). I agree with @LLM100811 about having some responses handy. MH and I usually work as a team to extract ourselves from these conversations.I am sorry the holidays are causing you stress, and I wish there was something I could say to make it better. IF is crappy.
    ****SIGGY WARNING****

    image





    TTC since May 2013
    Me: 31, blocked tube
    DH: 35, azoospermia :(
    IUI #1 (50 mg Clomid, Ovidrel) on 9/7/2014: BFN
    IUI #2 (100 mg Clomid, Ovidrel) on 10/3/2014:     BFN
    IUI #3 (100 mg Clomid, Ovidrel, Estradiol) on 11/1/2014: BFN
    First RE appt. on 11/11/2014
    November 2014: Benched due to cyst :(
    IUI #4 (5 mg Letrozole, Follistim, Ovidrel, Crinone) on 12/26/2014: BFP!!!
    Beta 1 (1/9/2015): 292     Beta 2 (1/12/2015): 843


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  • redandblueredandblue member
    I'm sorry you are having a hard time.  IF is hard and holidays can make it harder for sure.  I don't know if for us it's because we have been TTC for 4 years and people just assume we are not going to have kids or what, but we don't get a ton of questions.  For me, I have found when people ask me straight out, I tend to just tell them what is happening.  Depending on the person, obviously different people I feel I can give a different level of response, but I will tell them.  Makes them a little more understanding of the situation and a little more sensitive to the types of topics they will bring up in the future.  That's just me.  

    ************Siggy warning, LO & loss***************

    Me 37 - DH 37 unexplained infertility
    DS born 09/99
    TTC since 2010
    12/11 BFP - ectopic, received methotrexate, benched 4 months 
    08/14 - exploring fertility options

    Tubes clear, SA for DH all clear
    10/14- #1 IUI (femera/ovadril/progesterone), 2 follicles 22/17, post wash count 94 million BFN

    10/14 - #2 IUI (Femera/ovidrel/progesterone ), 2 follies 19/20, post wash 111 million, BFN Dec 2014 Femera BFFN Taking a break to explore foster to adopt!

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  • squidbugmomsquidbugmom member
    Thanks for the support everyone.

    I am trying femara again this month, not super confident as it hasn't been making me ovulate recently, but I couldn't *not* try right before Christmas... 

    I have more friends getting married around the holidays and I'm dreading their inevitable pregnancy announcement 3-5 months after they get married. *sigh*

    Maybe when people ask I'll just say "we have a puppy, isn't that enough?". I'm just worried with that people will respond "oh, that's a selfish point of view ... and just think of all the love a baby human could give blah blah blah". I'll have to think something good up.

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