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April 2015 Moms
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tug of war AS

kls516kls516 member
in April 2015 Moms
Hey ladies! I'm not a regular poster, but love to read all the threads. I've tried a search on this but didn't come up with much help. Need some unbiased advice ...We have our 20 week ultrasound next Tuesday. My husband keeps bringing up that he doesn't want to find out if we are having a boy or girl. I am DYING to know. There isn't a preference for team pink or blue, but just want to know. This is our first baby, and I'm so excited and ready to start shopping. Not that I don't love greens and yellows... I'm just a planner. I'm usually not one to rock the boat, but not sure how to meet in the middle on this one?! I can't tell if he is truly passionate about this, or just bring his usual self and wanting to drive me crazy! Either way we so blessed to have this experience. Anyone ever had to deal with this tug of war?
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Re: tug of war AS

  • Smash1215Smash1215 member
    My mom and stepdad had this issue. My mom found out and just kept it a secret from him (he knew that she knew). She hid the girl clothes and he found out at the birth.
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  • kls516kls516 member
    I guess in the long run it's all about compromise! Great idea about putting it in an envelope. Maybe opening it Christmas morning! I know my crazy a$$ will be holding it up to the lightbulb the second he goes to sleep! Like I said, we are just happy to be going through this wild journey! We still have a few more days to battle it out, so we'll see! Thanks girls!
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  • Critter015Critter015 member
    DH wanted to wait and I wanted to find out with each of our kids. We ended up finding out with #1 and were both happy with our decision. With #2 I was convinced it was a boy and just had to know. DH humored me and let me find out, and it was nice to be able to bargain shop for boy clothes. Now that we have one of each and boxes of both boy and girl clothes we are going team green this time (if the tech doesn't spoil it.) I am excited for the surprise at the birth, even though I have strong suspicions of what baby is based on my symptoms compared to my other pregnancies.
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  • miahbellemiahbelle member
    I didn't want to know but DH did. Our "middle ground" was to have a gender reveal (yes I know it's sex, not gender, but really my in laws would die if I invited them to a sex reveal) in which we didn't know the results either until it was revealed to everyone. We did this by going to a bakery and giving them the envelope with the sex written inside and requested that the inside of the cake be dyed to match and requested that we not be informed. This way he got to find out and it was during a big exciting moment. Plus it actually was kinda nice knowing the sex.
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  • fourthtimesacharmfourthtimesacharm member
    My sister found out for her first but kept the second a surprise and had the tech write it on a piece of paper and seal it in an envelope. When our grandmother passed away shortly after, she decorated the envelope and put it in the coffin the morning of the burial. She told us that she never looked inside the envelope, but our other sister noticed the hospital bag was packed with a pink take home outfit and during labor she called the baby "she". She finally admitted to holding the envelope up to the light and seeing the letter G.
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  • lcole08lcole08 member
    We found out with our first two girls.  This time, I don't really want to know and DH does.  We can't decide what to do.  I wish now that I hadn't found out with my first so I could have that experience.  I feel like at this point after 2 girls, it would be easier to know.  That way I can purge all their old clothes or if we should hang on to them, and same with the nursery - whether to reuse for #3 or if #2 will move to a new room.  Also DD1 is deadset on having a baby brother and I think it would be helpful if we knew and could prepare her.  Sorry no help here - we are in the same boat.  We have until Friday to decide!
    DD1 - 08.10
    DD2 - 10.12
       #3 - 04.15
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  • Sharon&PaulSharon&Paul member
    My sister found out, but her husband did not, She was good about always referring to it as the baby. She did shop before the baby was born, but never showed her husband. the nursery was owl theme in red, blue, brown and orange.
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  • CDT321CDT321 member
    We are going through the exact same thing! My husband does not want to find out, and I originally agreed to go along with that... until about 2 weeks ago when I realized I just NEED TO KNOW! lol This is our first baby and I am a planner as well and was having a hard time trying to decide on how to decorate the nursery, what to register for, etc. 

    I proposed the idea of having the tech write it down and seal it in an envelope for us which we can open together on Christmas morning. He hasn't totally shot down the idea yet so I am hoping he gives in! 

    Pregnancy Ticker

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  • topaz7777topaz7777 member

    We had a huge fight about this.  DH is not interested in compromising.  We were team green for the first one. 

    Now, my dad and his wife had the same argument, so his wife agreed he could find out.  The tech wrote it on a paper and handed it to his wife, she gave it to him, and he read it in the hallway.  He kept the secret the entire time.

    This being said, I think that's a very long secret to keep which is why I didn't find out with my first.  DH will not compromise on this LO either, so we are team green again though I'm not happy about it.  I did come around with my first though, when I realized that every single thing we had could be reused for the next baby since nothing was gender specific. 

    This time though, since I know I will have a lot of ultrasounds towards the end, I may peek.  Or maybe I won't.  There is a point when it stops mattering altogether.  Once you have all of the baby stuff you need, having a boy or girl doesn't really make you any more or less prepared.

    Factor V Leiden Homozygous, Advanced Maternal Age

     

    TTC #1, 5 yrs, PCOS, Femera + Ovidrel.

    IUI#3 BFP, DD 5/31/2012

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    TTC #2, 2 yrs, PCOS, Femera+Ovidrel

    IUI#2 BFP!

    image

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  • bmblebeabmblebea member
    My H was on the fence about finding out but I just explained to him how I really needed to know bc I wasn't feeling that connected to the baby yet and it was freaking me out. I think bc I have so much anxiety about something going wrong. He understood and we found out last Friday. I have to say that since finding out I feel completely different, I felt such a connection right away once I could picture it being a little girl and we knew what her name would be. Maybe try explaining to him rationally some reasons other than you just want to know? It might help. Ps MH was convinced the peanut was a boy and after the a/s he said he was really glad we found out bc it took him a few days to come around to it being a girl- he had instant anxiety bc he feels like he doesn't know what to do with a girl. He said he would have hated to feel that anxiety at the birth when she popped out and wasn't a boy! He's excited now and by the time she arrives he won't even remember that he thought/hoped she was a he :)
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