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August 2014 Moms
lookame3639
member
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you can go ahead and shut the F up...
lookame3639
member
So i got hitched over the weekend woot! I'm glad we waited out the newborn phase and entered our marraige as two loving individuals and didn't knee jerk and run to the courthouse before having her just because I was pregnant (i did that before and it got me a big fat nasty divorce). It wasn't perfect but no wedding is and at the end of the day i married my soul mate 
we got each other gifts, I got him a watch he's wanted for our entire relationship and I got it engraved on the back, he got me a watch and had it engraved on the back and then he completely blew me away with a pearl necklace which he strung himself (as an FYI pearls are knotted after each pearl in case your necklace breaks - prevents loosing all your pearls) when he said he made it i had to do a double take lol.
now...i guess i have a step mother in law (although she just came into the picture maybe 2 years ago) she is by no means perfect and she is the wedge in everyone's relationship with DH dad. Since the time she found out about our wedding she has loudly exclaimed to anyone how she felt about our relationship. She has said several times we should have gotten married before Itty bit was born at the courthouse. Now i can understand saying it once and after I tell you why we waited i expect you to basically filter yourself, when you say it several more times I begin to think oh...your implying now that my child is a bastard and therefor my reasons for waiting are mute because i should have prevented her being a bastard...during a toast i jokingly said i didn't want to kiss my DH and she yelled oh but look what happened before you got married several times and whenever i would hold my little one she'd come up to me and tell me how much my little one didn't want to be held by me and how she wanted anyone BUT me. I'm ready to cut her off, I'm trying to bite my tongue but it's getting very difficult to not go ape shit on her.
/end vent...any ideas on dealing with her are welcomed
we got each other gifts, I got him a watch he's wanted for our entire relationship and I got it engraved on the back, he got me a watch and had it engraved on the back and then he completely blew me away with a pearl necklace which he strung himself (as an FYI pearls are knotted after each pearl in case your necklace breaks - prevents loosing all your pearls) when he said he made it i had to do a double take lol.now...i guess i have a step mother in law (although she just came into the picture maybe 2 years ago) she is by no means perfect and she is the wedge in everyone's relationship with DH dad. Since the time she found out about our wedding she has loudly exclaimed to anyone how she felt about our relationship. She has said several times we should have gotten married before Itty bit was born at the courthouse. Now i can understand saying it once and after I tell you why we waited i expect you to basically filter yourself, when you say it several more times I begin to think oh...your implying now that my child is a bastard and therefor my reasons for waiting are mute because i should have prevented her being a bastard...during a toast i jokingly said i didn't want to kiss my DH and she yelled oh but look what happened before you got married several times and whenever i would hold my little one she'd come up to me and tell me how much my little one didn't want to be held by me and how she wanted anyone BUT me. I'm ready to cut her off, I'm trying to bite my tongue but it's getting very difficult to not go ape shit on her.
/end vent...any ideas on dealing with her are welcomed
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This discussion has been closed.
Re: you can go ahead and shut the F up...
I just wanted to say congratulations on getting married. So happy for you!
First BFP: 12/16/13
EDD: 08/23/14
Baby BOY born: 08/29/14
No matter what, it's bitchy and I would put an end to it asap.
Have you tried telling her that it hurts your feelings? If I would have been in your shoes at the wedding I would have just told her "you telling me that really hurts my feelings, even if you are just joking". I've found people say things like that because they think they are being funny.
My MIL kept telling me how gigantic I was at the end of my pregnancy. She and her daughter are both 6' tall and carry babies WAY differently than I do (Im only 5'3). She actually said "I don't think I *ever* got that big and SIL sure didn't get that big!). I turned around and reminded her that her and SIL have a lot more room to carry babies and SIL hadn't carried past 34 weeks and that what she said had hurt my feelings. She actually felt really bad and apologized. I didn't tell her all of that in a rude way either - I actually tried to be sweet as pie and that worked better than had I not been as nice.
Maybe you just need to tell her how her comments make you feel? Or if you aren't comfortable with doing that, have H talk to her?
Mrs. H
Crohn's Dx: August 2008
Endometriosis Dx: May 2010
Married: 05/19/2012
TTC #1: June 2013
BFP: December 2013
DS: Born 08/29/2014
TTC #2: July 2015
BFP #2: September 25, 2015
She sounds very insecure. She has no idea where her place in the family is. I wish I had an answer for you. I have a SIL like this and it's taken 18 years for her to begin to move beyond this type of behavior. TBH we weren't welcoming and didn't try to help her.
Maybe try talking to your FIL about what he loves most about her and try to play those attributes up? It might help her find her feet and get her off of yours.
ETA: words are hard.
She is competitive even with my parents. I'm starting to feel like she feels she has something to prove, like she has to make herself appear like she is better or more well off than she really is and she also seems jealous of people (my parents, her husband...me) who aren't working or who don't need to work (I've decided to take off work until Itty bit is a little order and search for a career rather than a job, my parents and FIL are retired).
I'm starting to realize there are several issues at play here...she's insecure in the family and/or her relationship, she's jealous of those who aren't working/jealous of thosewho she deems better off than her (based on her reaction to my wedding rings...perhaps because she realizes how long I've been with DH and how successful my parents relationship has been) and she's competitive. She also seems to have anxiety issues/very high strung and impatient and she complains a lot. A lot of these issues I can deal with but when she speaks badly of my kids and/or of myself (basically my family) it reaches a point that I can't look past. I asked DH to speak with his dad about the comments and he said he would discuss it with him. I asked them to speak since DH is a lot calmer about issues such as these and so his dad would be aware of the issues/would know it's not his fault if it comes to having to do something about it other than a discussion.
thanks everyone for your input and advice i really appreciate the outsider view on this situation.
Congratulations on your wedding!!
Honestly, if things didn't improve I would just cut myself off from her. That's easier said than done though.
Condolences on the BSC mil.
And I'm so sorry u have to deal with BSC MIL! That sounds awful, I would personally just keep my distance and see her only when I "had to" and just smile and be pleasant. She obviously has problems she needs to deal with and there's not much you can do if she can't see it that way. Good luck!
Got nothing to contribute to the MIL conversation other than I'm sorry you (and DH) got stuck with her...
You're a better woman than I. My solution to dealing with her would be to cut her off. Just cause you married her son doesn't mean you have to deal with that BS if she's going to disrespect you. I'd atleast confront her about your feelings or maybe have DH do so if you're not comfortable. Good luck
Honestly if DH wasn't so adamant about FIL having a relationship with DD i would have already cut her off. I don't deal in people trying to make themselves look better by putting someone else down - joke or not. It also bothered me alot that my son heard her say that DD ddidn't want me, that DH and i did something before our marraige and that we should have been married before DD. It affects him hearing her talk like that.
i also have issues with saying something on the spot. I do better when there's not a bunch of people around but in the moment I'll think wow you just said that but my mouth won't say it.
Hopefully after she's told that she has gone about things the wrong way that she'll work on saying better less judgmental things to me(prob not, now that we're married she'll judge my parenting but still).