Leaving LO with MIL

Smallllmin · November 2014

Hi Moms. I have been feeling anxious all day today. I didn't put two and two together until just now when I remembered something from earlier. My MIL asked if she could watch DS while DH and I go to church this morning. I (and DH) said no... told her it was because we want to bring DS to church with us.
But honestly, I am completely petrified of MIL (and less so FIL) watching DS without us.

MIL is a very, very, (almost strangely so) nice person. But she is SUPER old fashioned and really odd. I always feel completely awkward and uncomfortable around her. She has random baby items around her house that she has pulled out of storage from her baby (my 30 year-old DH), and for safety's sake, I feel really uncomfortable having DS use them... and he never has. There's a tiny bassinet on wheels with wide-set rails, a huge metal highchair without a seatbelt, and a changing table without siderails. Also, last time we went over there, she took him from me, and he started screaming... so I took him back. It was awkward.

I'm not sure if I even have a question here, or if this is more of a venting session. This whole situation has me really anxious.
I'm know I can't be the only one with a strained relationship with the ILs. Anyone else afraid to leave LO with the in-laws?
Does anyone have any tips or advice?

Obviously I want DS to have a relationship with them, and I don't want my distaste to get in the way of that... it's just tough.

jht14 · November 2014

I'm not afraid to leave my LO with my ILs but I also don't like to. I honestly prefer to leave her with my parents but I think that's normal. I also don't really like to leave her period.

I think it helps that my ILs just had a garage sale this past summer and got rid of all their old baby stuff. Maybe see if they would watch your LO at your house while you go out with your DH. Then you know everything is safe (changing table and bassinet/crib). Or just be honest with them and say you are worried about the safety of their baby stuff.

lbonga1 · November 2014

I'm kind of afraid to leave DD2 with MIL. She's just so awkward and uncomfortable with her; she was the same way with DD1 when she was this little. She tries to hold her in very strange positions then complains that she's squirmy. FI and I just think, yeah, it's because you're trying to hold her like you're trying not to pop a water balloon! Haha. We'll probably be ok with leaving her once she's 5-6 months, when MIL doesn't treat her like she's so fragile. She seems to do better (at least with DD1) once they're able to at least sit up on their own.

rose913 · November 2014

We have started small... A hour or two every once in a while trying to billed up to longer times so my DH and I can actually go out at night together.

But, I have no idea how my husband survived!!!

My IL's are clueless when it comes to babies. Although they really do try. My MIL is very hyper and over animated and I usually need a nap after spending time with her. They over reactb to thinks, like the hiccups, you would have thought she wasn't breathing! I had to keep telling her that they will go away and no you can not give her water!

With that being said my parents live in a different state so I need to get used to my ILs.

I should also say there is a language that makes it that much tricky because I feel like when I explain things they don't really get what am saying.

trebekastan · November 2014

If you are uncomfortable with something you tell her. It's not a big deal to explain the new safety standards. If she has a problem with that then oh well. You don't risk your kids safety to be "nice". (Read: timid)

HorseLover11 · November 2014

Can you try and leave the baby when he will be napping? I would trust your gut who you feel comfortable leaving him with

lmk1566 · November 2014

I have had similar feelings with my DH's Nana. She's super excited about our LO & constantly wants to watch him. The only thing is is that she has arthritis in her hands. Unfortunately it has caused damage to them, they are crooked. I feel for her & understand her desire to want to watch him but as he gets bigger, he will become harder for him to handle w/diaper changes, etc. Not sure how to handle this other than having someone else here as well.

Where I'm going with this, voice your concerns. It's your baby! I should take my own advice!

MLE_C2B · November 2014

DS1 is four and I only left him with my ILs once and I had such horrid stomach cramps the whole time we left early to get him back. My MIL is just really dumb and has the attention span of a gnat. Her husband isn't dumb but drinks all the time and has a temper. Both have seriously questionable judgement, case in point: they thought a wrench was a suitable replacement for a rattle when ds1 was 4 months old. Also I wish her baby stuff was just 30 years old, she bought antiques! The high chair wobbles and has a porcelain tray that clips on with metal brackets and no t bar between the legs. She's beyond offended that I never let her use it.

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