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January 2015 Moms
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Step children/ New baby Bedroom Situation

MrsFaFa2MrsFaFa2 member
in January 2015 Moms
So my rant/frustration for today has been building for quite a while. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for years, and finally I am pregnant (30 weeks). My husband has 2 children from a previous marriage age 17 and 15. They live with their mother full time about 60 miles away from us. We get them very other weekend, school vacations, summer etc. However the 17 year old girl is being a typical teen and would rather be with her friends than come to her dad's house. The 15 year old boy loves to come here. (We bought our house the next town over so we could be close, then their mother met a guy and moved 60 miles away 6 months after we bought our house. We were less than thrilled, but we made it work) We bought a 4 bedroom house 7 years ago. It is a large split. 3 bedrooms on the main floor and the 4th bedroom is on the bottom floor. The plan has always been: when we have a baby one of the kids would move downstairs. It has always been communicated very clearly and understood by all because we wanted to make sure that the understood they weren't being replaced. Or so I thought... I got 10 weeks left to prepare for baby Rocco's arrival and nobody wants to move downstairs. I'm going to lose my mind because I need to get the baby's room ready and get organized. The whole downstairs including bedroom is al renovated, so it isn't scary or smelly or anything like that. I have told my husband that they have until this weekend to make the decision or I will do it myself. I am too much of a planner to be dragging my feet. Sorry for the rant, just irritated!
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Re: Step children/ New baby Bedroom Situation

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  • Josie400Josie400 member
    PPs have good suggestions. It's important to remain clear that a decision has to be made and you would like them to be involved in the decision, but if they can't come to an agreement you and your H will just have to choose. The kids are old enough to understand that the baby needs a room upstairs.
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  • southernyankeegirlsouthernyankeegirl member
    I am glad you are making them a new room. It isn't quite the same thing, but my MIL has a new boyfriend with a bunch of young kids who have shared custody so they're there every other week. My second youngest SIL is 22 and just out of college, but it really stings her that she doesn't have a "home" anymore as there's no room for her. My DH felt similarly when he was in college and his Mom moved to a smaller house without a room for him. Fair? Nope. But teenage hormones are crazy - as much as they push you away, they still want you to love them and coddle them just as much.

    That said, kudos for making a new room! I agree with enticements being your best option. What will motivate these kids? Maybe buy them a new TV for their new room? Or a video game?
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  • shakalexshakalex member
    The 17 year old should be change rooms. There should be no more conversation about the rooms.
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  • LaBellaVidaLaBellaVida member
    I agree, move the 17 year old.... She's hardly there anyway.

    But, I'd have your husband talk to his kids and see if one will offer one last time. If they don't offer, I'd move the 17 year old.
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  • lavet22lavet22 member
    I also agree the 17yr old should be the one to move.  Could you entice her by saying she could have not only the room, but also their own living space downstairs as well?  Since she's all about hanging with her friends, maybe having a hang out space for just her and her friends would be appealing and "sweeten the deal" a bit more?  But if no one is willing to make the decision, then the decision has to be made without the child's approval.  Besides, wouldn't she be going to college next year and this whole issue would kind of being a moot point then, right??
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  • WillCMyInkWillCMyInk member

    Like PPs have said, I feel like you've done everything you can at this point. I would give everyone one final opportunity to have a say, and if they're still dragging their feet then move the 17yo downstairs. I also think the idea of enticing her with new decorations/paint/etc. might help make her more open to moving.

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  • llambrosellambrose member
    I would say that the 17 year old has to move rooms.  If she is never there and the other kid is, it is only fair.  It is nice that you can provide them with their own spaces but it is simply unrealistic for them to expect you to not put the baby who will be there full time in a convenient room for you and your husband.  I would probably just stop making it an option at this point as you need time to prepare.
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  • CanukMamCanukMam member
    what 17 year old doesn't want the room in the basement!! what is wrong with her!
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  • MrsFaFa2MrsFaFa2 member
    Thanks to all of you. The 17 yo will be going to college next year, so my decision will be (if not made as a family) for her to move down stairs. I am a corporate meeting planner / social event planner by trade and I do event design/ interior design for companies and families consultation. Trust me their rooms are very cool. I can't wait to get the babies room going. I feel like I have been going nuts lately with baby brain and I just needed some reinforcement thanks!
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  • Jellybean707Jellybean707 member
    shakalex said:
    The 17 year old should be change rooms. There should be no more conversation about the rooms.
    I agree with this but your husband should be the one doing the talking/moving. It's not fair or appropriate for it to rest solely on your shoulders(what it sounds like to me.)


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  • MrsFaFa2MrsFaFa2 member
    My husband is very involved and he will be doing the moving! He is a good guy. I think he just wants to be super careful, because he doesn't want it to seem like we are replacing them with the new baby.
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