Dealing with Pregnancy "Experts"

heather369 · November 2014

Is it just me, or does everybody become a pregnancy expert once you say anything about your pregnancy? And does it not make you want to stab them?
A few nights ago, I felt the baby move for the first time. I told my partner the next day. During our next conversation, he mentions that a mutual friend of ours told him it was "way too early" for me to feel anything.
This seems to happen all the time. When I first threw up, one woman said it was too early for me to have any symptoms. When I cried because I didn't know what I wanted for dinner, it was too early for me to be hormonal. When round ligament pain started, it was too early for that. And on, and on. Every single thing I tell my partner, he'll later tell me 'so-and-so said...'
How do you deal with people feeling obliged to tell you you're not being pregnant correctly? And how do I explain to my partner why I find it utterly infuriating? Stabbing them repeatedly with a fork seems to be my hormones talking...

70point3 · November 2014

With him - should be a point blank convo. "Stop saying that crap. It pisses me off."

With them - just ignore it. Or the "thanks for your opinion" over and over and over..... Eventually most of them get the point.

Mine is with the "oh, I know it's a girl and here's 8 reasons why...." Great! Thanks! I bet you've got a 50/50 shot at being right. Or the being utterly and repeatedly insistent that "you're going to want ! (epidural, confinement nanny, certain foods....) Because I did." Yes, that is, in fact an option. Thanks for your opinion about it. Now go away......

lindsayanne14 · November 2014

Honestly, the "experts" can be relentless and many will continue to chime in no matter how politely or bluntly you handle their input.

As for your SO, I would be very straight with him and let him know that every PG experience is different and his continuously mentioning how your experience isn't the same as "so and so's" experience is driving you crazy!

While you can't control the "know I all" people around you, you can certainly let your SO know his behavior is bugging you.

SuperFudge00 · November 2014

The smartass in me would say, "It's not 'cause I'm pregnant? Omg, does that mean I'm dying?"

wolowizard · November 2014

I had someone at work tell me the other day I shouldn't eat Cheetos for lunch. Thanks, but I had a real lunch with my Cheetos, I just put away my containers and lunch box already. When I tried to tell her that she went on and on. It really only irritated me because I never talk to her other than a hey in the hallway, and if you weren't concerned with what I ate before I got pregnant, don't be concerned now.

/end rant. Sorry lol.

jk3610 · November 2014

I've just been either listening or ignoring depending on the source. AKA, most people i ignore. I listen to my sister because she had a baby 7 months and i know when she gives advice it's because that's in her nature. she just wants to help because she loves me.

if DH told me what I "should be feeling," I'd say, "Really? Well, I know what I feel and, with all due respect, that person is not my doctor."

catlover790 · November 2014

I agree, so annoying!

If my H kept relaying these messages to me I would tell him that those people don't know what they're talking about and to stop telling me about it.

For other annoying people I try to express my opinion/ the facts but many times they don't want to listen so I just try to change the topic of conversation.

I had a woman tell me I should double-check with the elective place I was going because she didn't think you could tell the sex by 16w?! :-/ I said, well the anatomy is formed by then, so we should be fine. Then I changed the topic. It's still obnoxious though how little people think I know soemtimes!

bsdub · November 2014

For me the first reaction was stab them in the eye with a fork! But i guess logic needs to prevail, so just tell them everyone is different, every pregnancy is different. People keep saying to me "oh you popped really early" like they're judging - I throw it back at them and say "it must be the three miscarriages I had over the last year before this pregnancy". Usually shuts them up.
People think they know all, sometimes they need to be put in check with some snark.

MitoRachel · November 2014

Not counting the Bump, I tend to be pretty tight lipped about what pregnancy information I voluntarily share about my pregnancy for this very reason. I never have any good comebacks when people say stupid stuff!

fro88 · November 2014

DH and I have noticed that everyone has "the exact right thing for us" too. My SIL is the worst offender. I finally just told her "we're really excited about this first child, and are enjoying finding out how things work on our own. It's been the best part of the adventure so far, since baby isn't here yet". It hasn't shut her up completely but it's helped a bit...

Good luck! If all else fails, go with the fork stabbing

fiscally3 · November 2014

I just smile and tell them thank you. Each pregnancy there has been unsolicited advice.

With my first, I had a co-worker who tired to forewarn me that labor really hurts (really?!?). With my second, I decided to go with a RCS, and I had tons of people who just wanted to let me know I could have a VBAC...and asking a lot of personal details. This weekend I got my first, "do you know about VBACs?" for this baby, ugh. I figured after 2 c-sections people would leave me alone.

Renate85 · November 2014

My usual response to the "experts": Wow, isn't it amazing how much pregnancies can differ? *fake smile followed by swift subject change*

Most advice/comments just gets ignored. Honestly I'm too excited about my baby to give a flying f*ck about other people's opinions.

twinklepits · November 2014

catlover790 said:
I agree, so annoying!

If my H kept relaying these messages to me I would tell him that those people don't know what they're talking about and to stop telling me about it.

For other annoying people I try to express my opinion/ the facts but many times they don't want to listen so I just try to change the topic of conversation.

I had a woman tell me I should double-check with the elective place I was going because she didn't think you could tell the sex by 16w?! :-/ I said, well the anatomy is formed by then, so we should be fine. Then I changed the topic. It's still obnoxious though how little people think I know soemtimes!

@catlover790‌ My older sister said the exact same thing about finding out the sex at 16 weeks at the elective office. "It's too early, it'll be wrong." Or "they aren't trained doctors, it'll be wrong." All I said was "we'll see" since our anatomy scan is on Monday. Still, drives me nuts. UGH!

Makes me feel stabby just thinking about it. JUST BE HAPPY AND DON'T RUIN MY EXCITEMENT. Dumb sister.

Unknown · November 2014

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bmblebea · November 2014

People can be THE worst. I get "expert" advice all the time. I've taken to just not talking about anything to anyone and if they ask me a question, I'm all like "what did you do?" And then "yup were doing exactly that" even if it's a complete lie. Yes, we are breastfeeding/formula feeling/ banking the cord blood/ not banking the cord blood/ co sleeping/ not co sleeping" etc. They just want you to agree with them anyway so it's easier.

As for people commenting on what I'm eating, that still makes me lose my sh*t. Someone was selling chocolate bars the other day and I bought one and a lady says I really should just have a glass of milk instead, at least it has calcium. I wanted to punch her in the face.

@wolowizard‌ I applaud you for not drop kicking the cheetohs lady!

mhickey426 · November 2014

I was just thinking this last night. Everyone seems to be an expert in even people who haven't had kids of their own. If you want to share an experience or story that's fine but doesn't mean that's how it is for everyone.

ScarletOflaherty · November 2014

Just keeping having kids, it totally cures this. By the 4th one everyone just assumes you know more than they do.

missamERICA · November 2014

I usually just respond with a gentle sigh and a "yeah... though every woman and every pregnancy is different...."

Goldie000 · November 2014

That's super annoying. I also hate it when people at work stereotype me. I had a male coworker say it must be the hormones talking to which I replied, "thanks for the stereotype but no it's not the pregnancy, I'm just always a bitch."

ur_mom222 · November 2014

This has happened to me a ton too. I'm a FTM and only 19w so when I say I have terrible sciatic nerve pain or something like that people tell me it's too early. Ohhhh cause I'm sure you know exactly how I feel and what pain I'm being caused. Also my best friend was driving me insane because I told her I started to show and she goes isn't the baby too small to show right now? And continues to tell me I'm just bloated. Until she came with me to my a/s and the doctor told her otherwise. Trust me, a hard kicking baby tummy is much different than a soft bloaty tummy.

nomesy · November 2014

I know exactly what you mean , not only do I get advice I don't care to hear but I've Been through a secret pregnancy 15 years ago that only a few know about then adopted her out when she was born, now this time I'm a "first time mum" and know what to expect in pregnancy , and I keep getting advice that I already know !! But can't really say, shut the fuck up I've done this shit already ... Without having to divulge my families little secret !!

Edited because I at first sounded like a special snowflake ... Oops

ihatetomatoes · November 2014

Pretty much the same as everyone else here but it's starting to get super old. My friend just had her baby a couple months ago so any time I say anything about how I'm feeling (after she asks) she automatically volunteers her experiences and how it was for her and what I should do. Considering I didn't ask for advice, just answering her questions and I'm at crotchety, old bitch lately it's really hard not so freak out and tell her I don't care about how her pregnancy went...heard it all while she was pregnant....every day. Thanks

nomesy · November 2014

I've told the people who need to know and who I know aren't going to be going to someone's house and saying "guess what she did" and this forum because I know a bunch if strangers shouldn't judge me and if they do I don't know them ! Obviously my family , husband and best friend knows , but a lot if friends have just had their first babies .... And I'm getting their advice ... And it's all stupid stuff that's not right anyway !

kariemomo · November 2014

I've tried telling people "well every pregnancy is different" but that never really works. With one of my close friends, who is due in January, she keeps telling me I shouldn't be showing already(since she is not really showing at all). I've told her before I have a short torso so my midwife said around 13 weeks I would start showing, and then she'll say something like oh I have a short torso too. I just let it go in one ear and out the other now.

I would probably tell my husband he shouldn't listen to other peoples opinions as we are all different. Or make him read something online or in a book that says that.

heather369 · November 2014

At least I'm not alone it this. I'd begun to wonder what I was doing wrong, that everybody was treating me like I'd just stumbled out of bed pregnant one day and wandered on my merry way! I've devoured pregnancy books, but quoting the facts hasn't seemed to help. I'm liking some of the comebacks suggested; just might give those a try!

The thing that really bothered me about my partner was that he was reporting other people's comments to me and questioning me, instead of telling THEM that I'm not an idiot or a liar and know what's happening to my body. I gave the sitting down and explaining a try, and he seems to have gotten it, though he can be a little dense about sensitive topics ('but you know I don't think that about you!' 'I know, honey, but I'd like you to try showing that to all the other people.' *sigh*).

I'm at least glad that no one's tried to correct my eating habits, yet! Even though it sounds like that's common enough, that it's probably only a matter of time...

70point3 · November 2014

Oh oh oh!!!! In the interest of "expert advice" .... I finally heard some that sounds like actual for real expert advice I hadn't heard of nor read in a book.

Note: it's aimed at first time parents

Brilliant advice: watch movies. start to finish. uninterrupted. this may be your last chance for awhile.

Callahannah · November 2014

EAT during pregnancy? Whaaa...?

So THAT'S what I've been doing wrong!

knjzacher · November 2014

I have absolutely no patience for 'experts' like that. I plainly respond to unwelcome and/or ridiculous advice with, "uuuuh thanks?" I don't care. But then again, I'm a bit of an asshole.

YummSausalito · November 2014

I know what you mean! I hate that. Honestly, I just ignore them. I don't even acknowledge what they said I just continue talking like I didn't even hear that person just doubt my judgment.