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Babies: 0 - 3 Months
bobnj
member
Is This Normal?
bobnj
member
Hello everyone,
First-time father here. My son was born two weeks ago and my wife's parents have been staying with us since we came home from the hospital and plan on staying for two additional weeks. They've been extremely helpful, cooking and cleaning and my wife's mom also assisted her with breastfeeding for the first time, which is really only something a mother can do. They've been very nice to me as well.
What I'm wondering is how common it is for parents to stay a month with new parents? The problem we have is that we're in a 1 bedroom apt. My wife's family is also Greek so the three of them speak Greek the whole time and to the baby. I really haven't felt like I've been a big part of the joy and excitement of bringing home a newborn—or had any of those proud father moments that I always envisioned for the first few weeks. In fact, I've felt like a stranger in my own household. I tried talking to my wife about it and I think she sympathized, but I feel as though her bond with her parents is stronger than the bond we share. In other words, I'm most likely always going to play second fiddle to them.
My wife's parents live out of town but now I'm wondering (dreading) if they're going to be coming to stay with us every weekend. They've been inseparable from the baby since we came home from the hospital. I would venture to guess that they've held the baby more than I have in the past two weeks.
The other big issue is my parents only had a brief few hours to see the baby at the hospital. I'm very close to my parents and I know they feel a bit hurt that they haven't been able to see the baby. They live out of town and there's no room in our apt since my wife's family is here.
I certainly hope I don't come off as a selfish person, as I completely understand my wife's need to be with her family after giving birth. I'm also very appreciative for how much her parents have helped us during these two weeks. I just can't help but feel left out, as well as sad that my parents are being left out of the picture during this time.
Also, am I crazy to think that staying one month in our 1 bedroom apt is kind of.....insane?
First-time father here. My son was born two weeks ago and my wife's parents have been staying with us since we came home from the hospital and plan on staying for two additional weeks. They've been extremely helpful, cooking and cleaning and my wife's mom also assisted her with breastfeeding for the first time, which is really only something a mother can do. They've been very nice to me as well.
What I'm wondering is how common it is for parents to stay a month with new parents? The problem we have is that we're in a 1 bedroom apt. My wife's family is also Greek so the three of them speak Greek the whole time and to the baby. I really haven't felt like I've been a big part of the joy and excitement of bringing home a newborn—or had any of those proud father moments that I always envisioned for the first few weeks. In fact, I've felt like a stranger in my own household. I tried talking to my wife about it and I think she sympathized, but I feel as though her bond with her parents is stronger than the bond we share. In other words, I'm most likely always going to play second fiddle to them.
My wife's parents live out of town but now I'm wondering (dreading) if they're going to be coming to stay with us every weekend. They've been inseparable from the baby since we came home from the hospital. I would venture to guess that they've held the baby more than I have in the past two weeks.
The other big issue is my parents only had a brief few hours to see the baby at the hospital. I'm very close to my parents and I know they feel a bit hurt that they haven't been able to see the baby. They live out of town and there's no room in our apt since my wife's family is here.
I certainly hope I don't come off as a selfish person, as I completely understand my wife's need to be with her family after giving birth. I'm also very appreciative for how much her parents have helped us during these two weeks. I just can't help but feel left out, as well as sad that my parents are being left out of the picture during this time.
Also, am I crazy to think that staying one month in our 1 bedroom apt is kind of.....insane?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Is This Normal?
I thought he was being mean, but he was right. Our parents stayed at our house while we were in the hospital, but headed home when we got home. They have come for a weekend, but we really have a set routine for LO now, maybe talk to your wife about wanting to learn how to function as a family of 3 for a while.
Also, have you talked to her about your parents feelings? I would never want my IL to be upset/excluded.
I've tried talking to my wife in the few minutes we've had alone. I think she understands but her family, being from a different culture, can't inderstand boundaries. In other words, she's more worried about hurting their feelings than preserving my sanity and desire to bond with my child.
The other aspect i cant figure out is how my wife doesnt seem at all sympathetic to my parents. They have always treated her so well and gone out of their way to respect our boundaries. She doesnt seem to show any desire to have my parents bond with our child they way her parents are bonding.
What really stumps me is that my wife is a great and caring person so i dont know if hormones are coming into play or what. I just wish i didnt feel so secondary to her family.
P.s. Sorry, I have no idea how to change my avatar.