Introduction- Motherless first-time Mom

zylime · November 2014

Hi everyone! Just wanted to introduce myself

I am due on April 3rd with my first and my hubby and I are really excited! I have my 20 wk sono tomorrow and am a bit nervous about it. We are team green and I hope the sono tech doesn't spoil it! More than anything, I just want a healthy baby. My husband and I just moved across the country for grad school, so I am experiencing pregnancy a long ways from my family - it's harder than I thought it would be. My mom passed away 8 years ago tomorrow - and going through pregnancy without her has renewed some fresh grief that I thought was long gone. Can anyone relate?

lindsayanne14 · November 2014

My situation isn't exactly the same as I lost my dad when I was very young. But I can relate to the renewed feelings of grief and loss that surface during pregnancy. I experienced it with my DS and again with this pregnancy. Big life events tend to be a reminder of all of the amazing things in my life my dad has missed/is missing. Not to mention pregnancy is such an emotional time in general! Hang in there!

zylime · November 2014

Thank you so much! Really appreciate the kind words.

So sorry for your loss Lindsay! I too experience it during times of big transition/life events.

jamiesc58 · November 2014

Just remember that your mom is going to be with you through all of it and you can talk to her any time of the day or night. She will be looking in when your baby is two and throwing tantrums and she will probably be laughing lol. I can't say I totally know how you feel but I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. You aren't alone...you have us. :-)

jc_twomamas · November 2014

I can't related personally but I'm very sorry for your loss. This may not be helpful but in my family's experience it was so I'll throw it out there. My cousins whom we are very close to lost their mom, my moms sister 10 years ago All three of them, two girls and a boy, have kids of their own now. They personally found comfort in my mom and other mothers who loved their mother and knew stories of what she was like as a mother (from their perspective) which my cousins liked knowing. They say and know it isn't the same but it was something. Just a thought if you have any close Aunties or friends of your moms that you'd feel comfortable reaching out to. Sending you some (weird and creepy but super well intended) internet hugs.

zylime · November 2014

Jamie - your post made me tear up! I appreciate having a supportive community here in you ladies!

@devow27‌ - that's a good idea! Problem is, we just moved and know literally no one from the past out here where we are! But I guess that is what things like Facebook are for

thank you for the internet hugs!

Gkling103 - thank you so much! I actually was surprised to make it into this birth club because my MW totally thought my due date was going to be more towards the end of March (27th) but the sonogram proved otherwise! Lol

theinvadermothership · November 2014

It's really tough to lose somebody. I haven't lost either of my parents but i can only imagine. I do however understand that renewed grief with major life changing events. My grandfathers have all passed on and there was one in particular who i know would have loved being a great grandfather and would have loved giving my husband a hard time.

I also live 4 hours away from most of my family. It's hard but at the same time, i appreciate the solitude and being able to make decisions for my family and this new baby without interference. It will be a learning experience but it will also make DH and i rely on each other through this.

Anyway, welcome to the group. Don't let us scare you off. We can come off as brisk at times and we do like to tease and laugh, so i hope you will not be turned off by potentially harsh replies sometimes.

My greatest advice to you, before you pose any further questions is to really start participating. We have some really fun and awesome daily threads to participate in. Today is Three Things Thursday and Unpopular Opinions, just so you know. There are weekly check in for pregnancies of all sorts (including general, Invitro, high risk, ect).

I tell you this bc there have been women here from the beginning giving out advice and a lot of drive by posters are thankless. We actively will ask you to participate and help give advice and allow is to get to know you, just as you will get to know us. If you jave any question, please pm someone, especially a moderator if you have questions on how the forums will run. We run a tight ship around here and like to try and keep the A15 boards as clutter free as possible.

Good luck to you and congrats! Welcome to A15. I hope you enjoy it here.

jc_twomamas · November 2014

My mom is 6 hours from two of them and my other cousin is in the Bay Area (Cali) and that's super far from MI. Lots of phone convos, Facebook and texts when talking on the phone is/was too tough. Hang in there sweetie. I hope you can find some comfort throughout your pregnancy and motherhood.

Edit because, congrats and welcome too!

c+est+la+vie · November 2014

Personally, I cannot relate. I am sorry for your loss. Your mom will always be with you... in heart and in spirit.

Congratulations and welcome to A15 :-h

zylime · November 2014

Thanks for the welcome and advice! I've been lurking for awhile, but haven't posted until now obviously. Will try my best to stay involved - I work and attend grad school full time, so things are always a bit crazy. But so it goes with everyone's life, right?

Sorry your grandfathers aren't here

loss is hard no matter who you lose.

Thanks for the hello!

theinvadermothership · November 2014

@zylime‌ such as life, right? I'm a business owner so i know all about busy. I forgot to mention for sure bring it up with the tech tomorrow and good luck! Hoping the scan is perfect!

bowman958 · November 2014

Welcome! I can only imagine the feelings of loss and grief that are surfacing for you, and my heart goes out to you. Hope to see you around, congrats on your pregnancy!

emilyssymonds · November 2014

I can relate. First time mom also. I lost my mother 6 years ago December 3, which coincidentally is when my 20 week scan is scheduled. I know it will be bittersweet to see my baby for the first time knowing she isn't there but you just have to rely on the supports you do have and like others have mentioned, stories from those who knew her well. Many of my aunts and some of her best friends have sent me some really heartwarming messages and I know if I need "moms" advice, I can go to them.

Welcome to the group and congratulations on your pregnancy.

donnamartingraduates93 · November 2014

Welcome and congrats!

I can definitely relate. I lost my mom when I was six (so it has obviously been quite a while), but my wedding and now being pregnant can sometimes be a trigger. Thinking of you!

karboss · November 2014

I'm a FTM and lost my mom very suddenly just this last January. I've been doing so well lately. The day I found out I was pregnant I went to the cemetery and told my mom...although I know she already knew. It's been bittersweet. Today I thought maybe I felt the baby move and started crying...not happy tears but sad ones because I just wanted to call my mom to ask her what it feels like. Being pregnant is a supposed to be such a happy time and it is...but sometimes I can't help be a little sad that my mom won't be holding my baby as she did with each of my sisters' children. Sorry for the sob fest. Welcome and know you are not alone. Reach out whenever you need something.

mrsbb515 · November 2014

Welcome to the group and thanks for sharing.

My mom passed away 2 years ago but had been gone for the last 10 years due to Alzheimer's and my dad passed away when I was 7. I can relate to you and feeling the grief all over again.

Lately I've noticed myself listening to music that my parents liked and doing things that remind me of them as I'm becoming a parent myself ! It's comforting

taahira · November 2014

I can completely relate. I lost my Mom when I was 14, when I was expecting my 1st DD, I had a roller coaster of emotions. I'd find myself imgaining how different my pregnancy would be if my Mom was here to share it with me. I was also so sad she would never get to experience being a grandmother, she would have loved that role. I was truly blessed, my Dad just stepped in, and did everything he knew my Mom would do if she was here. He came to ultrasounds, and was there at the birth, he is the most amazing grandfather. He wanted to make sure I still felt like she was there with me. It really did help! Now with my DD's we celebrate her, I find myself passing on traditions she shared with me. Games, recipes, little sayings. I now share with my girls. It's like she is right here sharing this experience with me. Me and DH tried for many years to have a 3rd baby, I suffered many losses, and unexplained IF. Eventually with the help of ivf we were able to conceive our little boy who is due on my Mom's birthday. It makes it even more special for me.

ChanStew · November 2014

My mom is severly disabled, both physically and emotionally (and has been most of my life). I know it's not the same, but I don't exactly have a mom to rely on either. Hugs!

keifekm · November 2014

Congrats and welcome to A15. T&P to you and your mother. I am very sure she is with you in spirit.

Jinkies726 · November 2014

Good morning! I am also a lurker and FTM due April 10. I really hadn't planned on posting much, mostly due to the fact that I work a lot and am also finishing my masters degree, so my life is pretty much work/sleep, but I have really loved reading and learning from others. Your thread caught me this morning, so I thought I would come out of the wood work.

I also lost my mom when I was 13 to a very long 5 year battle with cancer (breast and bone marrow). She was my best friend and i understand completely where you are coming from. Do you have any living grandparents? I am lucky enough to have my mom's mom and her sister (my aunt) around and have called them many times just to talk and listen to their stories. I have found a lot of comfort in those memories and learning how both alike and different we were through this process. They have helped me through some of the times when I feel sad. I hope you have someone similar that you can share with. T & P to you.

solaar · November 2014

@zylime‌ Sorry for your loss. I can totally relate. I'm carrying my 6th child due April 1st. I've been experiencing grief as well. My mom died when I was 5, so basically I've missed all milestones with my mom. What made this time around worse was the horrible morning sickness. I spent 2 months literally in bed. By the end of the first trimester, I was in tears daily 1) because I felt like I was not a good mom to my Fab5 and 2) I really missed my mom. I needed support from my mom (I'm in tears now).

There is so much I want to share with her. These feelings are compounded because my dad, all my grand parents, all my aunts and uncles have all passed as well and my siblings live far away. But on the bright side...these feelings will pass.

Just know your mom is there in spirit. (((Hugs)))

DabriaVan · November 2014

Both my parents passed by the time I was 15...so I feel ya! It was difficult to not have my mom during and after my pregnancy with my son. There are still days where I think "mom would have loved this/him." There will be many
More of those days too. It was helpful for me to just imagine her smile and how completely in love she would be with him. I think of her looking down often. Don't rush the grief. It's a process and everyone does it differently and in their own time

sken1230 · November 2014

Hi @zylime

I completely understand your feelings

My mother past away when I was 17 and just when I felt that I was doing well during holidays/anniversaries and such…I had my children and it became so difficult once again. It is hard to know your mom won't be there to see your children, pregnancies and milestones, but I always try to keep a positive outlook and believe that she is watching us from above proudly. She may not be here physically, but she is always here in spirit, especially through my mothering

The anniversary of my mother's death was just this week as well and it was easier this year than in previous, but I can't help to cry writing this. But it gives me solace knowing I am not alone and others feel just the same.

The part that is the most difficult for me in my motherless marriage and motherhood…is that my mother in law has completely NO compassion for my situation (my father has also passed BTW) and doesn't even bother to embrace me as her own daughter. I have had ex-boyfriends' parents show more love than she has in my 5 year marriage. It really pisses me off some days, but I guess she is who she is. Luckily, my FIL is sweet as can be and divorced her ass so we do have some nice happy family times with him and our children.

I hope whatever other family you do have is supportive and loving…try to embrace them and enjoy this pregnancy. Nothing is more exciting than your first child!! Congrats on your pregnancy!!!

SuperFudge00 · November 2014

Congrats and I sorry. I know how you feel. I lost my mom five years ago and every so often I break down. This board has some great members who I was able to relate to and lean towards for my loss-related questions. Hang in there!

zylime · November 2014

Thank you for all the love, comments, and helpful advice everyone! Many posts made me cry. It's nice to know we are not alone in our struggle. Blessings to all of you and your little ones!

rmaurer08 · November 2014

I can relate and in sorry for your loss. This is actually my second without 2 parents (dad and MIL whom I loved dearly like a 2nd mother) and 1 sibling, but my first without 2 parents and 2 siblings (the most recent sibling was who I was closest to, the god father of my LO.) I'd love to tell you it gets easier, but I won't lie. I will however keep you in my prayers, offer that you can private message me any time you want, and just remind you to keep your head up. Your mom is so proud of you, even if she's not physically with you!!

Duffgurl · November 2014

I was very close to my late father. I don't have a relationship with anyone else in my family except my father who passed in May. It has been a very difficult time for me. My father was very active with our 1st pregnancy and I wish I could have that with this pregnancy too. DH always reminds me that he is here with us and is the guardian angel to our babies. When I get really sad and cry I talk out loud to him....this may be weird for some but for me it helps. I also make sure to have plenty of photos of him around.

Sending you big hugs.

missab · November 2014

My sincere condolences go out to all posters who have lost someone dear to them. Not the same as losing a parent, but my best friend passed away unexpectedly and from unknown causes at age 26 several years ago. She was my person, so going through my first pregnancy without her support (and snarkiness) has been difficult. Hugs to you all.

jennip68 · November 2014

I don't have either parents and going through my first pregnancy was emotional but I decided that the little baby inside of me deserved grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins.... So, the people in our life now are so special. I make sure our daughter is loved by her "Gigi", family friend, every week and she spends time with our closes friends who have a daughter the same age . We have built a "family" around us since we don't have one.

rkelly710 · November 2014

I can relate

we lost my mom July of 2012, being pregnant and hormonal and the holidays coming are so hard to cope with. I take comfort in the fact that I know she is watching over me and my baby girl, (I even found out I was pregnant on the 2 year anniversary of her passing). It's hard and it sucks but I talk to my mom all the time, I also have crazy vivid dreams about her too! You mother is watching over you and your baby with pride. Know that and treasure the fact that you and baby have a guardian angel in heaven

hugs!

Want a personalized experience?

Introduction- Motherless first-time Mom

Re: Introduction- Motherless first-time Mom

Choose Another Board

Search Boards