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Baby Shower Stress

Cleto2007Cleto2007 member
in 3rd Trimester

My sister in law generously offered to throw me a baby shower.  My mom offered at the same time, so I suggested the plan it together. They were all for it, but now I am the middle man. I love my sister in law to death but instead of going to my mom for ideas and setting plans up, she has gone through me. I was able to get all three of us together and brainstorm ideas, but everything fell through. My sister in law ended up sick last weekend, the weekend we planned to go buy the prizes and order the food.  My mom and I ended up going because it needed to get done (the shower is tomorrow!).  Well now she is blowing my phone up about how she doesn't feel like she is apart of this.

I feel terrible for asking/saying this, but why did she offer to host/plan the shower if she didn't know what to do????

I have hosted a baby shower before, and the only thing I asked the mom was who she wanted invited and if there was anything special she wanted.  Other wise I did all the planning and purchasing (with the help of another co-host) and mom just had to show up.

My sister in law did sent out all the invites, bought decorations and is bringing food.  I just feel like I am the one orchestrating this, and she is the one that offered to throw it. Now we have spent money (a good amount) and I don't know how to ask her to help pitch in for the cost of it all.

Any advice??

Thanks in advance

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Re: Baby Shower Stress

  • CandaceC1020CandaceC1020 member
    Tell your SIL to handle whatever else needs to be done and give her a list.  Problem solved. 
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  • jennypolkadotsjennypolkadots member
    I'm going to make a guess that this is not really news to you, you probably take leadership/control of other projects in life and people rely on you. Maybe you worry that people won't get things done otherwise or are a perfectionist. I'm that way so I've had to make a conscious effort to not be involved with the shower stuff. And I haven't - my friend and SIL are working together and I have practically no idea what's being planned other than place/time.

    I agree with everyone else. You shouldn't have allowed yourself to take control, really I don't know why you would be there for planning it either. Your mom could have contacted her or you could have been more clear and told her "please contact my mom, I'd rather be surprised!" You shouldn't be paying for things for your shower but you can't very well ask her to pitch in on things you bought without consulting her. 

    I want to know what you spent tons of money on if your SIL bought invites, decor, and food. What else is there? What has your mom contributed?
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  • Cleto2007Cleto2007 member

    I would agree, I tend to take the leadership role when I see that something isn't getting done.

    We are all at fault here, thank you all for pointing that out.  I should have stepped back, my mom and my SIL should have found ways to communicate.

    My mom bought the prizes and the games, we are playing four games, so four prizes at about 15 dollars a piece.  Plus the gift bags and wrapping.  That was about $80 I think.

    My mom also bought the misc. food, like the veggies for the veggie tray, the beverages, buns for the sandwiches. I am not sure how much that cost. So estimate another $50. The larger food items we agreed each person would bring a dish. 

    My husband and I paid for the meat and cracker tray and that was $70 ( this was agreed on by all of us)

    I am not sure how much she paid for the decorations and invites. 

    I think what I am going to do is just say that we all are at fault here, and lets just focus on getting the day put together and enjoy ourselves.


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  • AmstreagleAmstreagle member
    I mean you should have let your hosts figure it out but what's done is done. Since you put yourself in the position of helping host I would not bring money up.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    Wow i feel you on the baby shower & stress thing. I was in a similar position where my brother & his partner offered to host & plan my baby shower. Of corse it never went to plan she had other things to deal with and never showed up. My brother came with nothing but i knew not to rely on anyone. I was so stressed i was throwing up all morning and my feet were killing me i got really sick the night before and its the first time my immune system had let me down all pregnancy and yes i spent way more money on feeding everyone than i had received in gifts which i know isn't the point but i do feel like i couldve saved alot of stress and pressure n bought baby things i picked n loved lol. Guilty to say. but yes everyone pressured me into having a baby shower my friends my mum my family and really im glad everyone else had a great time but i wouldnt do it again
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  • AmstreagleAmstreagle member
    If a baby shower seems like it may ever be a point of stress for you I'd say to decline. There's nothing wrong with not having a shower.
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  • path75path75 member
    Showers are not necessary and you really should have just backed off and let them figure it out. Your baby shower should not be stressful. I am sure they would have figured it out. When my sister planned mine I didn't ask a thing. She asked me a few questions and I did come over the friday before to help her with some favors and wrapping the gifts but that was the extent of it. I hope the day is a good one never the less. And no I would'nt ask for money for the food. 


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