Severe IVF-related panic

Davie813 · November 2014

I'm getting prepped for my first IVF in December, and I can't quite believe I've gotten myself into this.

Neither DH nor myself is actually quite comfortable with the idea in the first place, but except for the retrieval itself, I didn't think the process would be that different from IUI with injectables, and I'm sort of an old hand at that. As I learn more about what's required, though, (the meds, the STD testing, the office visits), I'm really starting to wonder what the hell I've signed up for.

I guess I'm looking for some perspective from someone who's been through it... Any words of wisdom?

lawmom747 · November 2014

IVF is definitely a bigger time commitment - I felt like I was living at my RE's office for the two weeks leading up to the retrieval. The full gamut of bloodwork never bothered me - in fact we found out that I am a carrier for cystic fibrosis which was an interesting tidbit to share with the family since no one knew. (I am a science nerd though so take it for what it's worth)

My suggestion is to leave your schedule as open as possible for the two weeks of stimulation, and the week after when you would have the transfer. That way the last minute changes, and the last minute 'we need you in tomorrow' calls don't cause any problems. Also - deal with your insurance company regarding any coverage for medical / pharmaceutical in advance and/or shop around for the medications at some of the independent pharmacies discussed on this board. (Freedom Fertility, Mandell's)

Good luck!

pettycrocker · November 2014

Yea monitoring wise, it sucks, you will spend a lot of time at the office at the balls crack of dawn. My first cycle was an anxiety NIGHTMARE, but I had never done an IUI with injects so that was my first time with all of that. Retrieval is always hard for me, I am always pretty sore for a few days after but this time they gave me some Vicodin so it wasn't so bad.

The hardest part is how mentally / emotionally taxing it all is. You have to believe it's going to work, otherwise no one would go through that shit at all, but the reality of it is, it doesn't always work. I think if I would have accepted that fact through my first cycle, I could have gotten through it a little better. Getting a BFN after all that was fucking soul crushing, and it's because I never prepared myself for that possibility- so I would say, for the sake of your mental health.. Go in hopeful, and positive, but realize that there is a chance it might not work, and let yourself process that, you know???

GL!

sailorgal · November 2014

Thanks for asking the question though ugh I'm so not ready to face the reality of any of that. DH is on board with IVF, I am not. But right now we have the current IUI cycle and one more with Gonal F and our RE says that's all for IUI. Although we may be transferring clinics in January so who knows what that means.

Flamingemu · November 2014

I haven't been down that path yet, so I can't answer your questions. I just wanted to tell you I am sorry you are having doubts and hope all goes well for you.

fuzzbumble · November 2014

I'm with you, @Davie813‌. I am concerned, especially the time commitment and how the meds are going to be. I read 'IVF a patient's guide', and it really does a good job explaining the process and different options. It also has case studies, embryo pics, and how they grade the embryos.

You can read, research, talk to a million people who have been through it. Nothing can fully prepare you for what goes down. Kind of like parenthood, ironically.

I'm starting next week, I'll be here to listen!

mommy2C · November 2014

I'm not quite as this stage yet but there is a strong possibility that we will be in the near future so obviously I have no words of wisdom but I do want to wish you the best of luck with your IVF cycle and I you have good news to report back in the future.

Jodee37 · November 2014

I just did my first IVF cycle. And I had never done any injectables prior. It was a LOT of work. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. You have to be able to drop everything at a moments notice and be at the doctors. You may buy all your meds and then find you have to stim for 3 more days and BOOM there's another $900 of meds you hadn't be ready for. And I can't agree more with @potatocastillo‌ : you have to believe it's going to work. And it might not. Mine failed. And I wasn't ready for that. No one is. Soul crushing defeat.

I think it's normal that you are panicked. I was too. It's a LOT. It's overwhelming. There's no getting around that. But it's doable. Definitely.

Davie813 · November 2014

@jodee37 and @nariadreaming, I'm so sorry.

@hoppin747 and @potatocastillo, and @fuzzbumble, good luck with this cycle!

@sailorgal, @flamingemu, and @mommy2c, I hope you're successful before you get to the IVF stage.

Thanks, all--lots of good advice! I'm already struggling with managing my expectations, and am dreading the emotional part of things. Like some of you have said, getting through something so unpleasant means you have to have hope that it will work, while at the same time remaining aware that it very likely won't so you won't be completely crushed--too many mental gymnastics.

As far as the monitoring and other appointments go, what did those of you who've done it already tell your work (if anything) about the time you missed for these? I was able to schedule most of my monitoring appointments for the IUIs early enough in the morning that it wasn't an issue, but it looks like it's going to be harder this time around. I obviously don't want to tell my boss just what I'm up to, but I don't want to just be constantly absent with no explanation...

Jodee37 · November 2014

@davie813 I told my manager I was doing IVF and at a moments notice I may need Monday off or maybe Tuesday (when i was planning ER) and then in 3 or 5 days i'd need to be out for like 2 days. I apologized that i wouldn't be able to give much more notice than the actual day before the procedures but she understood that it was the nature of the IVF process. She even allowed me to just use my PTO instead of calling it sick time.

Do you feel comfortable confiding in your boss?

And my ER and ET were both in the morning, well actually all my GD appts were in the morning. LOL

Davie813 · November 2014

Thanks, @nariadreaming and @jodee37!

My work is covered by FMLA and is fairly family friendly. I'm not reluctant to tell my boss about it because I think there would be repercussions of any kind; it's just not something I want to talk about much, particularly if it's unsuccessful (which we all know is likely). I'm imagining some truly awkward/painful conversations.

I guess I'll just take things as they come...

Jodee37 · November 2014

yeah it CAN get awkward. like 2 weeks after my failed cycle i finally saw my manager face to face and she's all "HEY! how did your IVF thingie go??" all excited. and i was like "HEY! really badly!" and then it was weird. but what else was i supposed to say? luckily she walked away pretty quickly. i'm pretty used to the awkward convos, it didn't bother me all that much. #IFmakesyoujaded

lawmom747 · November 2014

I confessed to my boss the first time around. Right now I am only working part time so I have been able to work around things and keep it quiet. After last year's miscarriage I was not ready to confide to those at work except my secretary who has covered for me when needed.

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