Pity party for 1

riansmommie · November 2014

Well we finally got the word today from the Navy. My hubby will not be allowed to be come home to be here for the birth. I'm all kinds of emotional and just pissed off at the whole situation. I wouldn't trade my life as a navy wife for anything but I would give my left arm to just have my husband home for the birth and support I need. I of course out on a strong face when he told me but now that we are off the phone I'm a fucking wreck. I'm still struggling to find someone to be able to be at the hospital with me so I'm not alone but even that isn't looking good. I would kill to have my mom fly in to be there for me but because my sister is due a few days before me with her first my mom is staying with her instead. I love my sister, but I hate her so much right now for being so selfish that she won't compromise and let my mom come be with me guilt free. Sorry that this got winded but I needed to get it out and off my chest.

ColieAnn31 · November 2014

Oh hun, I am so sorry. I wish there was a way I could be there for you! Are you close with you H's mom at all?

daffy2k · November 2014

I am so sorry @riansmommie‌ !! You are so incredibly strong, I really don't know how you do it. My H has been working insane hours lately, so even though he comes home at some point every night, he is usually gone before we wake up and gets home long after M's bedtime. I am struggling without having the support I'm used to from him and trying to keep everything together because he doesn't have an opportunity to do it. Just having dealt with this since July has given me a whole new perspective and insight to you moms who do it on your own so often. I am almost falling apart, so you are really an inspiration to me that it can be done. I hope you find a solution for the hospital. I would be there in a second for you if I wasn't so far.

WasNotWas · November 2014

Thanks, Obama! just kidding. I'm sorry love. Does it help to think of perspective? Like this will be such a short window of time in the life of your family. Your sister is a brat and you are an amazing mom. and I'm proud of you for staying strong for YH, I'm sure he's as upset as you are about this.

momofcatan · November 2014

I'm so sorry. I echo what everyone else has said. You are one strong, amazing woman. Have you considering hiring a doula to help in the hospital?
Have you spoken with your sister since you got the news? I would hate for this to cause a major fight, but I think you should give it one shot at asking her to see your side of things and reconsider.

riansmommie · November 2014

Thank you ladies. My MIL is coming in so that I have someone to watch my kids thankfully, so that is def a huge stress relief on it's own. Just trying to figure out who will drive me to the hospital/stay with me through labor is the part I'm freaking out over. I don't do well with a lot of company being here right after a baby is born but it looks like I may just have to suck it up and ask my FIL and his wife to drive up from GA so I have a reliable source to be with me. Having to figure it all out in such a short amount of time because the navy took so long to give us the definite answer is a struggle. So glad that I have you ladies to come to for advice/perspective on the situation,

riansmommie · November 2014

@momofcatan‌ I have looked into doulas. The pickings are small and because I'm so late in the game no one that I've contacted yet is available. I also have brought it up to my sister before we had the definite answer and she just blew me off and basically sorry that sucks for you, guess you will have to figure it out on your own.

ilovemarfa · November 2014

I'm so sorry that you will be alone. My friend is a marine wife and she was by herself for the birth of her last child. I know she was very upset that her husband couldn't come back. I hope your sister will realize that you need your mom more than she does. I understand that it's her first and she probably wants your mom there for support but I think you need it more at this time.

daffy2k · November 2014

Do you have a reliable sitter you could maybe call on? Instead of having MIL watch the kids while you are in labor why not have a sitter with the kids and MIL with you? After the baby's born she could go back and relieve the sitter for the night, then have her come back next day and MIL can come back to you?

daffy2k · November 2014

Do you have a reliable sitter you could maybe call on? Instead of having MIL watch the kids while you are in labor why not have a sitter with the kids and MIL with you? After the baby's born she could go back and relieve the sitter for the night, then have her come back next day and MIL can come back to you?

riansmommie · November 2014

@daffy2k‌ I have a couple but they are up in the air. Both have their own kids, one works during the day though and the other is having surgery on my due date. So they are back ups but not on my 100% reliable list if that makes sense.

daffy2k · November 2014

Yeah, that's not a great first option @riansmommie‌ . I'm sorry. I don't have better ideas yet. I don't remember where you are... Can I drive to you? For some reason I'm thinking you are in the NW?

riansmommie · November 2014

The whole thing with my sister too is she has aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, co-workers, and the father of her child (though they aren't together because he is a POS). She has that from both sides if the family too, but she refuses to let my mom come out her guilt free. She wants my mom there for the birth of her baby and can't see it from my side. When we were in OR this summer and found out my hubby was going to be deployed my mom immediately said she would come out to be with me. My sister said something a few days later and my mom told her that she could just skype her in so she could be there, my sister literally threw a 2 year old fit and told me to shut the fuck up when I asked her if she would please just try to see it from my perspective. Then because she acted this way, my mom immediately said ok nevermind I'll stay here with you instead.

My mom will be coming out for a visit starting Jan. 4th but of course that doesn't solve/fix the issue of my labor and delivery.

riansmommie · November 2014

@daffy2k‌ all my family is the NW, I'm in VA

riansmommie · November 2014

I def haven't given up hope on trying to find a doula @subliminalrabbit‌ I'll keep searching until I go into labor, but each day that passes makes it harder to lock a doula in to be there for me.

lioness13 · November 2014

((Hugs)) I will pray everything works out better than you've planned.

daffy2k · November 2014

Aw, I'm sorry @riansmommie‌ . I really hope that you find a doula or another solution soon so you can get this stress off your chest! And i agree with everyone, your sister needs a throat punch. Wtf?

ilovemarfa · November 2014

@riansmommie‌

Did you go to this website and ask them for a list of doulas nearby??

https://www.dona.org/mothers/find_a_doula.php

That's how I found mine. I hope you can find one you like. I preferred my doula over my husband or mom when I delivered.

riansmommie · November 2014

Thanks for the link @ilovemarfa‌ I actually was using doulas.com. I'm hoping to be able to use a doula for free because a lot of them do that for military wives with deployed hubby's. Just sent out a few more emails to see if any have availability around my due date.

musicalsilver · November 2014

I agree with pretty much everything else that's been said.

I'm so sorry, and your sister is a douche.

*hugs*

GraceInCA · November 2014

I'm so sorry. Please contact CAPPA and DONA, let them know what your situation is, and find out if there's a good doula trainee that will show up for free. Also a good postpartum doula trainee so you have some help at home also.

riansmommie · November 2014

@WorkinIt‌ yes he will def be there via FaceTime thankfully we have that option.

GracieL79 · November 2014

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I feel so bad. I'm praying it works out for you.

LaBellaVida · November 2014

This is Def. A huge down side to being in the military, they can be so unpredictable, and change their decision last minute.

Doll, I'm so sorry to hear this. It breaks my heart for you!

I really think your sister needs to reconsider this, and your mom too. I know your mom is put into a hard place though, but she really should just tell your sister that you need her more.

This may seem crazy, but we see it all the time that military members surprise their wives last minute, do you think it's at ALL possible that he's just pulling your leg?

Trust me, if you were here, I'd watch your kids so you can have someone in the room with you. I can't even imagine how difficult that'll be.

My friend was in Germany and our guys were gone. He missed the birth by 2 days, and she was all alone.
(((HUGS)))

riansmommie · November 2014

I seriously love all you ladies! You're the best.

After having the chance to calm down and collect myself I called my FIL and his wife and they are changing the time they were going to be here to earlier so I now have them to take me to/be with me at the hospital. Normally they stay in a hotel 20 mins from our house but they are going to rent a trailer and stay in our driveway that way they are available ASAP 24/7. So nice that the house won't be over crowded with family. My MIL is going to extend her time up here for an extra week to cover the time that my FIL and his wife would have been here so I won't lose my help for two weeks before my mom gets in. Still sad and upset that my hubby won't be here but I'm trying to make the most of the shitty situation and just be thAnkful that his family is going to be here when mine can't.

riansmommie · November 2014

@Pitchslap‌ I will most def keep that offer in my back pocket! Also if you need an escape I'm only a 40 min drive from VB

phishgirl29 · November 2014

I'm sorry

riansmommie · November 2014

@LaBellaVida‌ though it would be awesome I'm pretty sure my husband would get kicked in the nuts if he tried to pull a surprise. To put me through all this stress just to show up and be there would prob not be a smart move on his part. Of course I would get over it but the emotions of it all would be too much for me that close to birth!

bumpuser7846882 · November 2014

that sucks!! Glad your FIL is stepping up though! If you want, I can contact my doula and see if she travels that far south. You can totally have dibs on her if she does

riansmommie · November 2014

@vitafelix‌ thanks for the offer but you can keep her

. If I'm meant to have a doula one will come through for me.

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Pity party for 1

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