Needing Reassurance

SummerLove21 · November 2014

I woke up in a panic last night over the logistics of going into labor this time around. Namely, going into labor while home alone with a toddler, DH not getting here in time from the city (about an hour away), my parents not being able to get here because of work, DS never being away from both of us for more than a few hours and potentially having to be with a neighbor or friend for several hours, and the speed that labor might go being my second. I had a friend who was induced with her first, then waited too long to go to the hospital with her second (an hour away), hit rush hour traffic, and very nearly had her baby on the Golden Gate Bridge. I don't have that particular problem, as my hospital is literally two minutes from my house, but I'm still freaked out. As of right now, we don't have a plan for DS for when I do go into labor, so that's not helping. I kind of don't know what to do. My mom can't come stay with me because she works full-time. DH is smack in the middle of the busiest season of his work, so him being home more than absolutely necessary won't work. Most of my neighbors and friends work full-time, or have several kids of their own that need to be picked up and dropped off at school and various activities, so them being home at predictible or convinient times isn't for sure. I'm just overwhelmed by the number of scenarios that could unfold and not having a fool-proof plan. And I keep thinking I might go from initial contractions to baby crowning before he or my parents could get to me.

Ugh...can anyone offer advice or suggestions?

Rosebean · November 2014

Here goes... So DH is a paramedic. When I went into labour with DS, I couldn't get a hold of him as he was on a night shift. On the other side of the city. By the time I called 311, they put me through to police dispatch, then they put me through to paramedic dispatch... It took me about 3 1/2 hours into labour to get him home... Mind you, I didn't get serious about getting him home until about 2 hours in and my labour had started with my water breaking. By the time he got home, which he thankfully wasn't on a call, he made it home in 15 minutes for what should have been a 35 minute drive.

Turns out DS was breech and I had an emergency c/s because I was 8cms in only 4 hours. So after all that I was super freaked out about the logistics with DD when she was coming.

Turns out, my labour with her was 12 hours (which was 8 hours longer than her brother, and I was expecting it to be faster with her being my second kid). My water broke in bed with DH laying right beside me. We even went to the hospital twice (yes, I am one of those who jumped the gun) and my dad had time to drive from his place to ours in 20 minutes to watch DS... So I know how you feel. But in the end everything happens how it's meant to happen. You have zero control over it. Just prepare for the worst and everything will probably happen in the complete opposite. Have everyone ready for plan A and you'll get there in time. My plans were to have 911 on speaker if I ended up in the car, or to simply unlock my door and stick DS in his crib while I laid in the tub if I had to wait for paramedics. The chances of you ending up like your friend are pretty slim.

Poppy523 · November 2014

My dad was supposed to watch DD when I went into labor but he is four hours away. I originally thought he would have time to get here because my labor with DD was so long, by we ended up making a back up plan. My labor ended up being 12 hours, but once I hit 5 cm I went from 5 to pushing in 2 hours. We left the house at 2:45 and DS was born at 4:45. I had plenty of time for my dad to get to us since I knew I was in labor around 3 that morning but it could have easily gone the other way. We had an emergency back up plan with our pastor who lives about an hour away. We didn't end up needing her but she came and met DD and saw where food and toys were so she could take care of her until my dad arrived. It eased my mind having a back up plan so that DH and I could leave quickly if we needed to and I wasn't worried about her being an hour away, we called her once for a false alarm and she met us at my midwifes office just in case. I would say prepare for the worst so that you can have some peace of mind knowing at least your LO is being cared for, but I wouldn't be too worried about your DH being an hour away.

lc&jw · November 2014

I can understand being worried and stressed about this. Worst case scenario, I'm sure labor & delivery deals with their fair share of toddlers waiting on someone to come get them while mom is in labor.

Could you start looking for a sitter who might have some daytime flexibility at the last minute during the day when your DH isn't available? Maybe look online on sittercity or care for someone who stays at home or is retired. You could have them come over a few times over the next few weeks so your DS can get to know them and you can have an extra set of hands to give you a break and let you rest.

kelly321 · November 2014

I was going to say the same as @lc&jw - if your DH or parents can't get home in time, take your toddler with you and have them get him from the hospital. Sounds like it's really close to you so not far out of the way for them. Likely as not they'll get there in time, but maybe having that back-up plan will help ease your anxiety?

Tracie128 · November 2014

major lurker coming out of hiding

When my water broke with my second (my Feb '13 baby), I was at my father-in-law's house about 45 minutes from my house and about an hour from the hospital with my then 2 1/2 year old son. My father-in-law drove us to the hospital where my husband met us. My mom was supposed to take my son, but couldn't come until later. My son stayed with us for a while at the hospital until my mother-in-law took him back to my house. From the time my water broke to having my baby in my arms was about 5 1/2 hours. So, I had a plan, but even that didn't actually pan out.

Luckily you will be close to your hospital and won't have to worry about a drive. Someone should be able to get to you before you have your baby and it isn't the end of the world if your oldest has to go to the hospital for a little while. I would just have multiple people that you can call just in case the one you were planning on isn't available.

downtown80 · November 2014

Just a heads up....check with your hospital if your child will be allowed. Where I work, they are not allowing children under 14 as visitors because of peak flu season amongst other health concerns...especially in our L&D, postpartum, and nursery units.

cinnasugar · November 2014

With my second, I was about as far along as you when I started having insomnia because I would wake up in the middle of the night and imagine ALL the scenarios, and then I couldn't fall back asleep. Welcome to the last month of pregnancy!

Seriously though, good luck. We ended up having to call my SIL at 3:00 a.m. and she had to come get DD. Got to the hospital with about 45 minutes to spare (this was a FAST delivery). Come up with a plan A,B, and C just in case so that it'll make you feel better, and hopefully allow you to sleep these last few weeks. Good luck!

SummerLove21 · November 2014

Thanks, y'all. Sorry I'm just getting to this now. It's the no-control aspect that is killing me. I almost wish I do go over again, just so I know when I am being induced and everything could be planned out. I'll say it again - I would be induced every single time if letting things happen on their own wasn't the best way.

I'm going to try to talk to DH tonight about plans...he is being so cavalier about it that it is making me more stressed!

SummerLove21 · November 2014

downtown80 said:

Just a heads up....check with your hospital if your child will be allowed. Where I work, they are not allowing children under 14 as visitors because of peak flu season amongst other health concerns...especially in our L&D, postpartum, and nursery units.

They are not at our hospital. I know from DS' delivery. Which is part of my main concern - no way can I bring him with me. I mean...I guess they would have to deal with it if I did, but what a jacked-up experience it would be for him.

SummerLove21 · November 2014

Sagen said:

That is the nice thing about being Mormon. Call your relief society president in a pinch and you will have plenty of babysitting on hand!

Somehow this escaped me. LOL. But you are right!

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