ugh.. MIL dramz.. give me a little perspective?

MrsSinner402 · November 2014

Forgive any typos as I'm writing this on mobile. We live in DHs hometown, a mile from his parents. We see them all the time. My dad lives 8 hours away and my mom lives half an hour away. I see my dad a few times a year and see my mom and stepdad rarely as well due to work, distance, etc. My grandma has my whole family (read: 20-30 people) over on thanksgiving every year. I only see my extended family once or twice a year at grandma's. Here's the problem: I go to my grandma's around 5:00 usually. MIL asked me what the plan was for thanksgiving this year. She said they are planning on eating later because FIL wants to hunt. Now she's upset that I want to go to my grandma's instead. I see my family a few times a year. We see my in laws ALL THE FUCKING TIME. So she's pissed that they wont see us that day... not to mention my stepdad has a debilitating disease and he gets worse every time I see him. We can still go see them during the day, we will just eat dinner with my family later. I'm not missing seeing my family that I rarely see because FIL wants to go hunting. Can anyone give me some perspective and tell me if I'm being completely irrational?

Raesofsunshine1 · November 2014

You sound fine to me. My family lives 2 1/2 hrs away and my inlaws live right down the road from us. We told them in the beginning of our marriage that we split holidays between families. This year is Thanksgiving with mine and Christmas with the inlaws. A few have given me a hard time about it once in awhile and I basically just tell them to get over it.

Good luck!

lrobi13 · November 2014

If your family has a tradition this stick to your guns. Your fil can go hunt any time. You shouldn't havery to be flexible to suit his hobby.

Most of my family lives 3+ hours away and my MIL lives around 5 minutes so I feel ya. Thanksgiving is the holiday I always travel to my family and I am more flexible around Christmas.

pnwlover12 · November 2014

MIL needs to get over it. There are just going to be holidays that each side of the family misses at some point. Having kids makes it harder because everyone wants to see them.

MrsSinner402 · November 2014

lrobi13 said:
If your family has a tradition this stick to your guns. Your fil can go hunt any time. You shouldn't havery to be flexible to suit his hobby.

Most of my family lives 3+ hours away and my MIL lives around 5 minutes so I feel ya. Thanksgiving is the holiday I always travel to my family and I am more flexible around Christmas.

Yeah her argument is that they shouldn't have to "work around" my family. Like, you think I should ask all 30 members of my family to reschedule so I can see my in laws? Rather than FIL just NOT hunting one day? Its fucking ridiculous.

savicke2009 · November 2014

MIL can kick rocks.. you're totally fine wanting to spend time with your family.

lrobi13 · November 2014

MrsSinner402 said:

lrobi13 said:
If your family has a tradition this stick to your guns. Your fil can go hunt any time. You shouldn't havery to be flexible to suit his hobby.

Most of my family lives 3+ hours away and my MIL lives around 5 minutes so I feel ya. Thanksgiving is the holiday I always travel to my family and I am more flexible around Christmas.
Yeah her argument is that they shouldn't have to "work around" my family. Like, you think I should ask all 30 members of my family to reschedule so I can see my in laws? Rather than FIL just NOT hunting one day? Its fucking ridiculous.

Nope...life is all about working around. Sorry she is being a b.i.t.c.h.

LightBright515 · November 2014

Your MIL needs to piss off.

Just cause she caters to her husbands priorities doesn't mean you and your family do. No ma'am. You want to hunt? Cool. I want to see my damn family.

MrsSinner402 · November 2014

LightBright515 said:
Your MIL needs to piss off.

Just cause she caters to her husbands priorities doesn't mean you and your family do. No ma'am. You want to hunt? Cool. I want to see my damn family.

The worst part? DH is on their side. Like, he is arguing with me and defending his mom. Pretty awesome... 8-|

BreandMikewedding · November 2014

It sounds like your mil is being selfish. What do you do for Christmas (or other holidays)? Can you compromise and say you will spend another holiday with them and spend thanksgiving with your family?

MrsSinner402 · November 2014

BreandMikewedding said:
It sounds like your mil is being selfish. What do you do for Christmas (or other holidays)? Can you compromise and say you will spend another holiday with them and spend thanksgiving with your family?

Christmas we split up the day 3 ways. This year we're going to my dads 8 hours away (this was MIL s suggestion actually)

Mewwwwws · November 2014

I would agree with you- and go see your family. Especially as you have an ill stepfather and it sounds like his illness is getting worse ? All the more reason to be able to spend quality time with your loved ones on holidays.-.. Ones you don't always get to see!

Does your MIL always have issues with sharing your time or has this only come up since the LO? It's so interesting how grand kids can change the family dynamics between in laws. Sometimes for better and sometimes .. Not .

LightBright515 · November 2014

Tell your H to stop being a sucker!!

I struggle with a mommas boy too

MrsSinner402 · November 2014

starla487 said:
No, you're MIL (and DH apparently) need to chill out. Can you see them on Friday for leftovers?

I could suggest it. But this is the lady that gets upset that we spend christmas split 3 ways and dont spend more time with them than with my family. I have my moms, their house, and my grandma's to split up on christmas. They each get 2-3 hours. This upsets her. She's fucking impossible to please sometimes and I dread the holidays every year because of this argument.

MrsSinner402 · November 2014

Mewwwwws said:
I would agree with you- and go see your family. Especially as you have an ill stepfather and it sounds like his illness is getting worse ? All the more reason to be able to spend quality time with your loved ones on holidays.-.. Ones you don't always get to see!

Does your MIL always have issues with sharing your time or has this only come up since the LO? It's so interesting how grand kids can change the family dynamics between in laws. Sometimes for better and sometimes .. Not .

She's always been this way. I imagine it'll be 10x worse now with DD. 8-|

windwithfingers · November 2014

Ugh my MIL is this way too, especially now. Last year we had Thanksgiving at her house, so this year I'm going to NJ to celebrate with mine. When I told MIL, she said "well we can just fly you home on Thanksgiving" and FIL was all "we'll have two Thanksgivings." What. I'm going to Florida with them for EIGHT DAYS for Christmas, you'd think I could get a holiday with my family without a fight.

Sorry to hijack your thread. Yikes. What I mean is, I feel you.

BreandMikewedding · November 2014

LightBright515 said:
Tell your H to stop being a sucker!!

I struggle with a mommas boy too

Yep. Me too. I have this same family drama but it's my family that is the difficult ones. A couple years ago dh's family was visiting from out of state for Christmas and my mom wanted me to leave them at home to go to my brother's house instead of my mom just coming to my house. Ridiculous!

ariel06 · November 2014

She's changing the plans, not you, so she can chill out. If it's so important for FIL to hunt that day, offer them a different day if they're not satisfied with just seeing you.
It's really hard the first year with a new baby to set some rules on holidays.

jenndub · November 2014

What is up with husbands and their weird relationships with their moms? My DH would defend his mom no matter what the situation. It's so fucking annoying. Also, I'm secretly hoping that my son always takes my side, I already hate his future wife (mostly kidding here).

You're totally justified in wanting to spend the holiday with your family. MIL will get over it, she's being selfish.

MrsSinner402 · November 2014

I hate having awkwardness with the inlaws. It makes me feel like I'm the selfish one. And the whole mindset that they have to work around MY family's schedule drives me apeshit. It would be different if it were just my parents and his. We could alternate. But its not. Its my entire extended family that I rarely see. So yes, of course I'd rather go see them than go to the inlaws if given the choice. I cant win.

MrsSarahRenee · November 2014

@MrsSinner402‌ We do Thanksgiving with the in laws and Easter with my family. Is there a way you can compromise something like that?

Could you do breakfast or dessert on your way out/on your way home from Thanksgiving? Could you have them over for drinks after or the night before?

I think you have every right to say these are the plans, but it may help you feel less guilty if you brainstorm alternatives with them. They probably just want to feel like they are important too. Which is crazy cause you see them often but parents.

MrsSinner402 · November 2014

MrsSarahRenee said:
@MrsSinner402‌ We do Thanksgiving with the in laws and Easter with my family. Is there a way you can compromise something like that?

Could you do breakfast or dessert on your way out/on your way home from Thanksgiving? Could you have them over for drinks after or the night before?

I think you have every right to say these are the plans, but it may help you feel less guilty if you brainstorm alternatives with them. They probably just want to feel like they are important too. Which is crazy cause you see them often but parents.

I know we can go over there during the day. We dont have to be to my grandma's until 5. But FIL is going to be hunting. So of course he wouldn't NOT hunt one day so they can see us. Oh no, because that would be working around my family. Instead she expects me to miss seeing my family that I rarely see and go over to their house instead. Wtf?

Syllessa · November 2014

This is what I want to say to your MIL and H:

Unknown · November 2014

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Klavanga74 · November 2014

Rational...Stick to your guns. I have a similar situation. My parents are leaving for FL on Sunday and today was going to be the last day my Mom would have a chance to snuggle LO for a month. I was supposed to drop her at my in-laws to run errands this afternoon but cancelled because I forgot my parents would be leaving and my Mom should get priority since she'll be gone. When I called to let my MIL know that I wouldn't be coming I also invited them to come over whenever they want on Sunday to spend some time with us. Although she didn't say anything directly, she's one of those people that it's really obvious when she's pissed and she basically said a quick goodbye after I told her and hung up on me. Oh well. You can't please everyone and you have to take care of you and your family first.

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