Can we talk about sugar?

tinyhumantoe · November 2014

How much is your kid consuming on a daily basis, or if a rare treat - weekly basis?

tinyhumantoe · November 2014

MIL has gotten completely out of control with the sugar. I consider sugar from fruits, breads, veggies, dairy, etc. to be fine and don't worry about those even though she overdoes the fruit with W like, whoa. At least with the insane amount of fruit she is getting some fiber.

Here is what she seems to be getting on the 1-2 days/wk she's with MIL:

Kefir Smoothies - two cups a day, and I figure her cup is 6oz...So that's 40g sugar.
Rice crispy treats - at least one a day, usually more than one.... So that's 8g sugar
Capri Sun - at least one, so that's 20g sugar
Ziploc baggies of frosted flakes - 10g per 3/4c so I bet she's getting at least the 10g sugar
Fun size M&M - 8g sugar

SO. The fruit alone that MIL gives her is enough to put this little girl's body in sugar overdrive. The rest is really fucking insane.

Aside from the sugar that's in a reasonable amount of milk and good diet, kids 1-6 aren't supposed to have over 3-4tsp (12-16g) of added sugar per day. Adult women 23-25g. So MIL is like 7 to 10 times over the amount of sugar that's okay for achild, and all she "thinks" she's doing is letting her have a few M&Ms, a rice crispy treat, and a little zip lock of frosted flakes.

The juice and fruit kill me, too. Kids this age are supposed to have 2 servings of fruit a day, where 1 serving is 1/2 cup chopped fruit or a small apple/orange/etc. There are about 6-7g of sugars in a serving of fruit, so IF she didn't give W any fruit at all, that 100% juice Capri sun would be more fruit sugar than she's supposed to have in a day.

Sorry for the length, just thinking I need to talk to MIL.

AKB090609 · November 2014

DD has about 1/2 -3/4 of a cookie as dessert most nights, I think that is the only added sugar she gets regularly. I know DH likes to 'sneak' her treats occasionally (shares a fruit snack or candy bar that he's eating). I would not be comfortable with the amount that W is getting with your MIL. I really enjoy being the one who gives DD treats so that is part of the issue as well.

In all honesty, I don't know how you put up with all the stuff your MIL seems to pull on a regular basis. I also have no idea how I would take a stand without it being a threat of "If you can't follow my food rules you can't be alone with her", which I know would not go over well.

tinyhumantoe · November 2014

I feel like I have a good window to talk about it, because a situation occurred. We had a confrontation over M&Ms and a capri sun last weekend......

So last night she texted me and asked if she could buy W an advent calendar, saying she didn't want to upset me about the candy. I think it's a good opportunity for me to explain the whole sugar thing, and give her my expectations so she can make decisions without having to ask permission. Give her a rice crispy treat, that's fine. But that's the treat, nothing else. Give her a smoothie, but that's the treat. I think I can explain that I'm not anti-this or that (in terms of items). I'm looking out for her daily limit, so choose which item you're giving her wisely. I am sure she doesn't realize she's exceeding the appropriate sugar amount for a grown man by three fold.

tinyhumantoe · November 2014

Sahara78 said:

DD has sugary snacks 1-2 times a week, I guess. She ate quite a bit of candy on Halloween and was sooo hyped up; I have no interest in dealing with her that amped up again.

I would ask my MIL to cut out all the sugary treats in your situation. If she saw her every few months, I might not bother. But 2x per week?

My mother is a big-time dramatic pouter if she thinks she's criticized, so I get that it can be hard to talk to certain people. For me, this (and the toothpaste) would be worth the confrontation.

I think I might explain this to her as well. If it were once a month, I would let it roll off.

hmp1 · November 2014

The daycare has a pretty strict menu so they are good during the day and at night they come home and eat dinner. Leo never gets juice, even at parties he drinks water. James almost always picks water over juice at parties too but I let him decide. At home and my mom's house they are only offered milk or water. The one sugary treat they get fairly regularly is kids cereal like Apple Jacks. I usually give them Vans toaster friendly breakfast in the morning like waffles or french toast sticks but sometimes they pick cereal.

DH tends to sneak James treats but so far he is following my wishes to leave Leo alone. He doesn't know to ask for a treat and I don't want him to learn any time soon.

danabsd · November 2014

Um... Never. We don't keep it in the house because I will eat it all. Example A: Halloween candy. That includes fruit juices. Just milk, water and wine. My parents house is the same.
At our Halloween block party she picked up a sugar cookie, took one bite, put it back on the plate, spit out her bite and informed me she didn't like it.

Flamingemu · November 2014

L's only sugar is from 2 - 3 servings of fruit a day + a greek yogurt that has between 6 - 10 grams of sugar depending on which brand is on sale + sugars in every day foods (breads, dairy, etc).

She has never had juice and rarely gets cookies, ice cream, whatever. She will split a cupcake or cookie with me at special events, but not much else. I can't keep it in the house or I eat it all.

The only person in the families allowed to give L sweets without asking me is DH's GF who just turned 95 and it gives him more joy to share some raisinets with L than anything else. My kid is cray on sugar and I don't want to deal with it, so if someone wants to slip it to her while they are sitting, fine, but with us, no.

Holly_1007 · November 2014

The boys don't get added sugar daily. no juice or sweets. I will sometimes pack them a couple nilla wafers as cookies in their lunch boxes, but their lunches are pure fruit, veggies and proteins. Their school provides am and pm snack and it is always pretzels, crackers etc. when the boys got home from trick or treating they dumped all their candy on the table, I told them they could have one thing. They each ended up with a lollipop because they had no idea what any of the other stuff was. More for me !

AlinnJo · November 2014

She does get some but not a whole lot. She gets normal sugar in fruits and bread and such. For special treats, whenever we go to the dealership, one of our older employees gives her 1 or 2 m&ms. Once in awhile we would get ice cream after dinner downtown and she could share with me. If I make cookies then she gets half of one.

I try not to make them too special because my cousins kids who were never allowed to have sweets go WAY overboard when they have them available. Family get togethers are nuts with the kids stuffing their faces. They don't know how to control themselves!

I'd definitely talk to MIL. Show her the recommend intake and how much she is actually giving W. A litthe treat is fine but she is way overdoing it. It's not good for W and she needs to understand that. Good luck with your crazy MIL!

watercolor5 · November 2014

Sophia usually gets a small (4oz) yogurt smoothie in the morning and probably 2 servings of fruit with breakfast. She doesn't get juice or more fruit than that because she tends towards looser stools. We have been giving 3 m&ms each time she goes potty with a dry diaper, which maybe happens 3x per day.

Meals usually have a carb or starch, meat and/or cheese, and lots of veggies, and she gets milk with lunch and dinner, but isn't a huge milk drinker. She gets either sugar or salt from her snacks, which range from teddy grahams, cheese crackers/goldfish, pretzels or popcorn.

So I'm not sure how much she's getting gram-wise or calories-wise or serving-size wise. We just try to keep her daily intake of things reasonable and balanced as much as we can. I will say that she never has more than 2 snacks a day, or she really just won't eat her meals, so I'd maybe start with that with your MIL and make her count extra m&ms/cereal/smoothies/all sources of extra sugar as snacks.

eshee8198 · November 2014

Wow. That would drive me crazy. My mom is super healthy, but she still feels the need to buy DD ridiculous treats that I then end up eating. Like a tower of chocolate covered marshmellows for Halloween.

We do juice, but it's no sugar added juice, and we water it down either 50/50 or 1/4. I try to not give her more than 1 cup of watered down juice per day. And we do fruit usually with breakfast and sometimes with her second snack, but I try to only offer veggies at lunch, and at least on veggie with breakfast (and two with dinner).

We do allow her to have treats--maybe a quarter of a cup of ice cream on a Friday night, an m&m on a special occasion. She had a marshmallow out at the fire the other night. A cookie with grampa. And she gets an organic low sugar crunchy mom lollipop when she poops on the potty (only because she HATES to poop).

I wouldn't be okay with my mom giving her that much sugar on a regular basis though.

tyrannasaurusjess · November 2014

@Flamingemu‌ I read your comment 'DH's GF' as his girlfriend. I was like whoa... You're nonchalantly talking about your H's girlfriend, AND she's the only one who can give L candy? Dang.

MRoxy0628 · November 2014

I'm more lax with treats (although we don't do any juice) than other people on here (just from reading), but if you're not comfortable with what your daughter is being fed, you should (and have every right) to say something. I agree with others a random occasion with special treats from grandma is one thing, but this sounds like a routine. I'm not sure what sure else she's eating there, but what you described sounds like a lot of food in general, but it's not substantive.

Flamingemu · November 2014

tyrannosaurusjess said:

@Flamingemu‌ I read your comment 'DH's GF' as his girlfriend. I was like whoa... You're nonchalantly talking about your H's girlfriend, AND she's the only one who can give L candy? Dang.

hahaha! I currently hold both of those positions! His grandfather. And eww to the 95 year old girlfriend.

bosha711 · November 2014

If I'm remembering correctly, you've mentioned this issue before. If it were me, I would have put an end to it after like week 1. If you don't like what she's feeding her, then supply them with the food they are to feed her. If they ignore that, then find different daycare arrangements. F that.

To answer your question, my kids get "added sugar" mostly from some of their snacks. Ds takes fruit snacks to preschool 3 days a week, for example. Other sugar snacks we have are graham crackers, nutrigrain bars, and animal crackers.

I give them a splash of juice in their water cups maybe 2-3xs a week.

Dessert is always fresh fruit. Every once & a while I will split a cookie between the two of them, or give them. Scoop of ice cream.

KKSBeans · November 2014

I wish my kid would drink juice or eat fruit better so I can get her off the dang miralax !

We took her trick or treating this year, so we've been letting her have one piece of candy per day (fun size). Other than that she doesn't get a ton of sugar outside of carbs and dairy sugars. Unless we get lucky and she decently eats some fruit or takes a sip of juice that day. Lol

kelbel527 · November 2014

I would really talk to your MIL about moderation. A treat here and there isn't a big deal but you could approach it in saying that it isn't healthy for her or her teeth for all those extra sweets. And bottom line, you aren't comfortable with it, which is all that matters.

I am super picky about sweets, not because I am a saint, but the opposite. I am trying to give my kids better habits than I have. Brody ate one piece of all of his Halloween candy and Aedan tried a smartie and hated it.

If we are counting fruit, well, then my kids get a lot of fruit. But as for added sugar, Brody gets fruit snacks probably 1-2 times a week. Juice only at birthday parties or after soccer games. I don't know if Aedan has ever had juice. He rarely eats dessert, even at parties because of his dairy allergy.

Last night the boys got a cookie because we made cookies to bring to Brody's school today. I don't mind doing that type of thing because I know how infrequently they get sweets. We are lucky their schools are so good about food too.

tinyhumantoe · November 2014

I called MIL on my way home tonight to suggest a non-candy advent calendar and she said she already bought the candy one. So... I somehow grew a (small) pair and decided to talk to her about how the sugar has gotten out of control.

FIL was in the background asking what I was saying, and said something about me having a lot of nerve with all they do for us, so MIL went in a different room. Sigh.

She looked at a few things from the fridge and had no idea how much sugar they had in them. She said she was sad because she can't give special treats anymore. I said sure you can, you can give whatever kind of treat you want to give. If you know you're going for ice cream in the evening, no sugar for the rest of the day leading up to it.

I know where this is going to go.... She will start giving sugar free shit. She already said SIL gives crystal light and I was like ahhh no that is a bad choice, plain water with a spritz of real fruit juice if juice is the treat you want to give her.

So I'm awake now because she just now texted me saying she will give the advent calendar to someone else. A random midnight text, ossum.

I feel better but I better brace myself for comments and little pouty displays.

Thanks for all of the info and advice in here. I think it gave me the courage to finally bring it up.

amandad715 · November 2014

Good for you for taking a stand when the moment seemed appropriate! That's a hard discussion and not having FIl's comments probably didn't it help. Hopefully, she'll actually think about what she's giving W now.
My family is Italian and I have a million aunts, my mom and gma who are always trying to "sneak" a treat to the boys at family things. Bc I am the big bad Mommy who makes them say, eat their dinner before having a cookie or some other dessert type.

smb+jab · November 2014

In regards to how much sugar Grant gets its a mix. In the summer he eats a ton of fruit because i do so he gets a lot of sugar from fruits (less in the winter due to availability more like the one to two servings per day that you should have). His daycare has pretty strict dietary / nutritional guidelines so most of his snacks are healthy / low in sugar - so it comes from what we give him.

We don't really let him have juice, although every once in a while he will get 100% orange juice in a 50/50 water mix. Mostly he drinks milk and water and what he thinks is juice (and calls juice) but is really flavored watered.

I will give him a cookie, small brownie, cupcake etc as dessert after dinner if he's eaten his dinner. He doesn't get candy yet. We are currently using it motivation to potty train him. So he will get one M&M if he tries (makes a real effort to go, as we found we need to reward the effort not just going), and one piece of a candy bar if he pees/poops.

I figure as long as its in moderation he's good.

melody921 · November 2014

First of all, your MIL is way out of control, so I'd definitely say something if you're uncomfortable with what she's feeding W. No way would I allow that much sugar in one day. It's crazy and unnecessary.

I have a pretty bad sweet tooth, so my best bet is not to keep a lot of stuff in the house. I'd rather bake on occasion, eat some of whatever I make, share the rest and not have a constant flow of Oreos or something in the pantry.

That said, DS shares my sweet tooth, so he's always looking for a treat. But I try to offer an apple or some yogurt post-dinner rather than the candy/cookies he'd like. Sometimes we fall into bad habits where he's eating something sweet every day, but usually I try to limit it to a few times a week where he will have one treat. I don't count sugars from fruit, and we don't do juice.

BeebopandBuddy · November 2014

On a daily basis they don't get any sugar besides what's in fruit. They probably get an average of one sugary treat a week, usually on the weekend. We don't have juice but I know they have it at Maya's school for snack and they've given her chocolate milk once or twice, which I HATE. I actually decided to forego my rule on sweets on the airplane last week because the bag of cookies I had was keeping them quiet. They had more than they should have. Bad idea, Ethan threw up all over the car on the way home

So I'm back in the limited sweets at all time camp.

melody921 · November 2014

tinyhumantoe said:

I feel like I have a good window to talk about it, because a situation occurred. We had a confrontation over M&Ms and a capri sun last weekend......

So last night she texted me and asked if she could buy W an advent calendar, saying she didn't want to upset me about the candy. I think it's a good opportunity for me to explain the whole sugar thing, and give her my expectations so she can make decisions without having to ask permission. Give her a rice crispy treat, that's fine. But that's the treat, nothing else. Give her a smoothie, but that's the treat. I think I can explain that I'm not anti-this or that (in terms of items). I'm looking out for her daily limit, so choose which item you're giving her wisely. I am sure she doesn't realize she's exceeding the appropriate sugar amount for a grown man by three fold.

Perfect. That's your opening. You can explain that if she chooses a chocolate Advent calendar, then that piece of chocolate is her treat for the day. No rice krispie treats, no other candy, no fruit juice, etc. You are a saint bc I would have lost it long before now.

ETA: I should have kept reading. Glad you talked to her. Your FIL is out of line too. Just bc they babysit doesn't mean they disregard your rules.

hmp1 · November 2014

I love letting my mom be the fun Grandma that gives treats but we only go to her house once a week for dinner, when they are in town. The kids get a fruit snack or a homemade cookie for dessert. They love it but they know those are Grandma treats so they never ask for them at home. Your MIL just needs to find the line between caregiver and Grandma. Right now she is too far Grandma and needs to step it back to responsible caregiver and have some rules and boundaries. Good for you for speaking up. I actually avoid sugar less for the healthy aspect and more for the attitude aspect. A three year old is crazy enough, a three year old hopped up on sugar is out of control. I do everything I can to avoid setting him up to fail. If he is wired on sugar, he will fail.

Hyaline · November 2014

I agree with @hmp that there's a tricky balance here between Grandma and caregiver. In her role as caregiver, I would aim to treat her as you would a babysitter or nanny that you hired--that is, communicate professionally, explain your expectations, offer to make it easier by providing food yourself. It's going to be harder for her to make excuses if you're sending snacks that you approve of along with DD instead of relying on something in their house being ok!

For us, like @origamipoppy , we don't worry about fruit. It's fresh and natural and has fiber, I'm happy. We tend to buy no-sugar-added stuff (like yogurt and bread and juice) to make it easy to avoid giving too much sugar. Since we are pretty good on a day-to-day, I don't stress over occasional treats. Like Sundays at church there are usually cookies--fine, have a cookie.

linzeek44 · November 2014

I'm uptight about sugar.
He gets no juice.
He gets about one sweet treat a week and that is me relaxing it.
He had his first candy at Halloween. He now gets a cupcake at a birthday celebration or special event but that's it.

Nita2603 · November 2014

I am very relaxed about sugar. The boys get juice or smoothies more or less daily. I do not worry about fruit.

Usually, if they ask for a cookie, they get one. We made all of the treats pretty available and they ask for an apple way more often than for candy. So we are good in my books.

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