Adjusting to Motherhood

Stephaniegiboney · November 2014

Anyone else with outside babies having a hard time?

I'm constantly doubting myself, trying to wade through all the parenting advice, not sleeping, and dealing with a baby I can't console.
I'm afraid I'm not cut out for this.

abbyful · November 2014

I was worried about being a good mom when I was pregnant with DS. 2 pieces of wisdom I was given:
- Your baby doesn't know any other mom. To him/her, you are great!
- If you are concerned about being a "good parent", you're already a better parent than a lot of people.

It's a learning curve, hang in there! Do what feels right to you, and screw all the random unsolicited advice you get. It does get better!

Carebella · November 2014

FTM still waiting for LO to make it outside but...

Just the fact that your concerned about not cutting means you're more than cut out for it. Learning to be a parent doesn't come easily to most and while you'll have good/easy days there will always be tough days. And in the beginning it will probably feel like mostly tough/impossible days.

In today's world there is almost too much advice. And even harder, what works for one baby may not work for your baby. Please, PLEASE, don't be hard on yourself. It is going to take time to learn. If something isn't working or you're having trouble we are all hear for you to help find a solution. Make sure to watch out for postpartum depression which can happen and make everything that much harder.

If right now your main two challenges are sleeping and baby not feeling like you can console baby I have few suggestions. For sleep, make sure someone, gives you at least two, four hour stretches, twice a week where you can sleep. Call on friends, family, hire a doula if you can, just someone to come over for at least those two days to make sure you are getting at least that minimum amount of sleep. For consoling the baby, consider doing skin to skin as much as you can. Consider taking the baby to a chiropractor, maybe something is out of line and it's contributing to baby's distress. Understand that baby doesn't have a lot of ways to communicate and maybe just needs to cry. If you need a break, it's okay to put baby in the crib and take some time to yourself. I think there is a website that talks intense, unexplainable crying; I think if you search for purple crying you'll find it.

Again, you're not failing and we are here for you! Hugs.

akatiegrl · November 2014

the fact that you are concerned and talking about your feelings in my opinion means you are more than cut out for this!

my baby girl is 5 days old now and it's been so hard! i cry all the time. there have been many times where i'll just go in the bathroom and cry because i am so overwhelmed. i'm exhausted. i feel disconnected from my husband. my baby girl struggles to latch, so every time is stressful. i'm worried she isn't getting enough food. my hormones are out of control. the list just goes on!

i just have to remind myself every day will be different and slowly but surely she and i will figure this out! one day at a time.

phdprocrastinator · November 2014

I certainly felt that way with #1 - still waiting on #2. For me, it turned into PPD, which I think was caused by a combo of sleep deprivation (there's a strong correlation b/w babies that sleep less and PPD in mothers), raging hormones, and the insistence of baby experts that everything would work out if I just did things "right."

It's hard to tell from a single post - and since I don't know how old baby is - but if you're feeling very overwhelmed for more than 2 weeks, please don't hesitate seeking out some help. Just talking to someone about your frustrations can be life changing.

Good luck!

missnacholover · November 2014

You are doing great! Just remember, no one expects you to be perfect. Your baby loves you!

Try not to listen to random parenting advice. At this age, all our babies are looking for is food, clean diapers, and cuddles... basic security, really. If the advice becomes overwhelming, tell the advice giver that you appreciate their opinion and will figure it out.

If your baby is crying, it's not because you are doing a bad job, it is how babies communicate. It's not easy to anticipate their every need and trust me, your baby does not resent you for it if you don't.

Hang in there. Remember, it's a learning curve and every day is different. You are doing a good job!!!

TeeJ526 · November 2014

Big hugs to you. I completely understand where you're coming from. There have been a few days where my baby is crying and I feel like I've tried everything and she's still crying. For example, last night was awful. She cried, and cried, and cried. You couldn't tell me that it was a result of her being over tired. I nursed, changed her diaper, bounced, rocked her around for 3 hours and just as she would start to get sleepy, she'd wake up and start crying hysterically again. Both MH and I were so frustrated and upset with ourselves for not being able to figure it out. We regrouped and lo and behold, we figured it out. She had gas. Gas that she wasn't able to pass so it was painful and making her cry. After some stomach rubbing and patting on the back, we were able to help her get to sleep. All of the reading and preparation I did, it was still very easy to feel overwhelmed and unprepared, especially when you read about what to do, what not to do, and there is a lot of conflicting advice out there. Just know that you are doing a great job and your baby loves you. As PP have said, the simple fact that you are looking for advice to be better is a great and admirable trait that shows you are cut out for this. Through all of the advice and things to read, just do what works best for you and your baby. Best of luck to you!

Ineedmorecoffee · November 2014

Being sleep deprived is awful. It makes everything 100x worse. PP have given you great advice. I just wanted to say, my first is 3 and I still have days where I feel like I'm ruining everything and that I'm not cut out for it. You're not alone and I think it's normal to feel that way!!!

Rhall2088 · November 2014

You are doing great every mom has a moment of doubt that they are not doing it right! The best advice I ever got was from my pediatrician/ family doctor with my first child " do what feels right. Your baby is the one thing you have complete control of. If you want to put lotion on him do it. If you think he need a bath then give him a bath. If you want to try and put him on a schedule do that." In the end you will make the best decision for you baby and your family! Just let your instincts take over and do what feels natural

sparklingwhit · November 2014

Dude, parenting is HARD WORK! I can't believe how little this guy sleeps at night and how much he poops! I think I've had about 5 crying breakdowns in the 1 day I've had him home. You're going to be a great mom! Just the fact that you care enough to have concerns is proof of that!

Stephaniegiboney · November 2014

Yeah I probably should have given more info. I'm mobile, plus if I wrote everything out it would be WAY too long. My LO is 5 weeks and a preemie (my actual due date is today). This likely is making things more difficult.

I did not mean to drive by post. Just had an insanely colicky baby all day yesterday! I plan on reading and replying soon. Thank you all for the support

JFH2010 · November 2014

I want to reach through the screen and hug you. Transitioning to motherhood is a HUGE deal, and so underappreciated in our culture. What you're feeling is totally 100% normal, and it will get better. You are your baby are learning together how to do parenthood, and it takes time. Like @phdprocrastinator I wound up with PPD last time, and I think it was largely because DS1 was such a terrible sleeper and he cried so much because he had reflux. I waited 4 months to get help, and I should not have waited that long - if your emotional difficulties continue for more than a few weeks, make an appt with your provider to talk about your options. In the meantime, do EVERYTHING you can to get more sleep. For me, that meant pumping and having DH deal with half the nighttime wake-ups. Sometimes my stash ran low and we had to use formula. When it was DH's turn, I didn't sleep in the same room. I put in earplugs and put on white noise and slept as much as I could. Also, take all that parenting advice you're reading with a grain of salt. Every baby is different, and even though it doesn't feel like it now, YOU are the expert on your baby. You are doing a great job. Go easy on yourself. It can be a dark road when you have a difficult baby, but you'll get through it and be a stronger and better mom for having wrestled with it.

Stephaniegiboney · November 2014

I keep wanting to respond individually to everyone but I'm on mobile and babies are hard work.

Yesterday was a particularly rough day, the worst we have had. My husband took a half day from work and we took LO to the pediatrician just to make sure there wasn't something medical going on because she was so inconsolable all day. They basically said that she is colicky and to try gas drops

It was a rough night as well, but I do wish I had a video of all of my husband's attempts to calm her (spinning in circles, speed walking down the hallway, dancing with music, all while holding her).

I even went out and bought a swing from babys r us because we thought she may like it. In the end we swaddled her really tight and held her while she cried and cried until she fell asleep and then put her in the rock n play. She slept 5.5 hours straight!! We will test the swing today.

I got her up to feed her and now she is in sleeping again (almost 4 hours). She must have been exhausted from yesterday. I feel so much better having slept, but things were very dark yesterday

I will continue to monitor myself for signs of depression. It's hard because being so so tired can so easily push me in that direction. It helps to hear other people feel the same way.

Acedit · November 2014

Being a mom is super tough stuff... But so worth it. I have gotten frustrated... Never with the baby but myself, I get caught up in the unknowns and think I should have a magic wand to fix whatever is wrong with him and I don't. This little precious babe didn't come with instructions, unfortunately.
One thing that has worked for us With our fussy baby is bouncing with him on an exercise ball. I'm convinced he has gas... And I think this calms his belly.
Sounds like you are doing a wonderful job and your baby is blessed beyond measure to have you as her mom

JFH2010 · November 2014

Have you read/watched Happiest Baby on the Block? The 5 S's worked well for us, even though the book is kind of annoying to read. I second the yoga ball - with DS1 we spent hours and hours bouncing on that thing. It was often the only thing that calmed him. You might also try colic massage. If you google it you'll get lots of videos and explanations. Did the pedi tell you what signs to look for for reflux? If she arches her back after she eats, thrusts her tongue out in a weird way, and/or makes chortling sounds after she eats, it's something to consider. DS1 had "silent reflux" so he didn't really spit up. Good luck, I hope things go better. No matter what, remember that their little systems develop quickly and she'll soon grow out of whatever is making her uncomfortable.

DoubleUp8 · November 2014

DS is now 2.5 weeks old. We have had some rough nights. One night I couldn't get him to sleep until 6:45 a.m. That night DH took him after a feeding to hold and console him so I could get an hour of sleep. He was home from work the next day, so I got to have a nap. Hang in there!

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