The Parents Setting Up Camp in the waiting room

foodieforlife · November 2014

long story short i do not want people in the waiting room sitting on the edge of their chairs waiting for me to give birth! i've explained this over and over to my parents and inlaws and yet they refuse to listen. they tell me that i should be excited and if they want to come and wait then they will. My Dh says that i should go with it and really what should i care?. I do not want to be rushed thru my time with DH and DS to have to see visitors. I sound terrible but i really just don't want this. I have explained that we will call when we go to the hospital and keep them updated and phone when we are ready for visitors. no one is listening to me! and to make matters worse, this is a complicated pregnancy. it was an identical twin pregnancy and we lost our baby b in June to twin to twin transfusion. I was in childrens hospital of philadelphia for in utero surgery where i almost lost bpth my sons and on bed rest for a month. my life has been turned upside down! and all i want is to be freaking left alone woth my DH and DS! But everyone just tells me to just go with it and i should be excited they are so excited! ugg.. any suggestions ladies? I've cried and yelled but no one listens!

Finduilas · November 2014

I feel you on this. I come from a big family (one of 10 kids,) and my parents, siblings and grandparents all wanna be there was DS is born. I already currently live with my family since my husband got out of the military and it's been stressful this entire time. I am honestly not looking forward to my sons birth just because I don't want to deal with all the stress and annoyances that will come with the hospital and everyone wanting to meet him right smack dab after he is born. My DH says I'm overthinking and stressing over nothing, but to me it's not nothing.

k1911 · November 2014

Omg....I'm so sorry you're going through this. You don't need this added stress right now! You are completely in the right though and your husband needs to back you up here. YOU are the one giving birth so what you want, goes. Your parents and in-laws should be honoring your wishes 100%, not telling you how you should feel. I say you stick with what you want - don't tell them when you are going to the hospital when it's time, tell DH NOT to tell them either, and let them know when the baby is born and you are ready for them to come visit. They know it's what you want so there should be no surprises there. Your birth could be 20 hours for all you know, do they really want to be sitting there waiting for that long? Jeez. I would tell them one last time that you will let them know when to come when YOU are ready for them. If they aren't listening to you that's their problem and they can come when you are good and ready. Stay strong and good luck!

hiketheworld · November 2014

Tell your nursing staff that you don't want any visitors or to be told there is anyone waiting for you. Then turn off your phone and your DHs phone.

bustarmu21 · November 2014

I can't blame you for feeling that way. I had my LO yesterday and we had wayyyy too many visitors so far - especially at one time - and it definitely makes it a bit stressful and overwhelming - even more so if you plan to nurse him. I didn't really give it a second thought beforehand but now I kind of wish I did! Looking forward to being discharged so I can better control who comes to visit at home and when.

lesliegolem · November 2014

I'm so sorry you are going through this right now! This is definitely not what you need and I know they're excited but it sounds like they are being very selfish. What I would do is not tell any of them that you are going into labor. I would also instruct your DH that he is not to tell anyone. Lastly tell the hospital staff you do not want any visitors. Honestly if you haven't already don't even tell anyone what hospital you're going to. You are the one bringing the 6-10 lb ham into the world, you should be able to dictate how it goes down. Don't be afraid to keep standing your ground! And if needed tell them how they are stressing you out and its hurting you how insensitive they are all being if that would help.

BTW I am doing all of this with this pregnancy myself. I didn't think of this at all with my first and it was a complete nightmare. Too may people in the room, too many people overstaying and camping out or trying to come in while I pushed. My BIL even stole something from the room! But that's a whole other story lol. The point is with this one I told my DH he is not to contact anyone, post anything on FB, etc. Until we are home unless of course something completely unexpected happens. We may be calling my mother for help, she is also under instructions not to tell anyone which she totally gets after the last time. Good luck and I hope DH respects your wishes! You guys will need to go silent and just do your thing, let people know afterwards.

silverwings72 · November 2014

I think you need to sit down with DH and have a heart to heart talk with him. He needs to be on your side when it comes to labor and delivery. That's kind of his job as "coach." Maybe he doesn't understand how important this is to you, hopefully he will see how much it is affecting you.

Keep setting your boundary with DH and ask him for his help in making this a low key event. Your vagina, your rules. Period. Good luck!

Eta- clarification.

smboswell1 · November 2014

I know how you feel. I was induced on a Monday night. My family and SOs family showed up Tuesday morning and I didn't have baby until Wednesday morning. It was annoying. I wouldn't tell them you were going in!!

ColtiersMom · November 2014

I'm sorry you are so stressed right now.
Maybe your DH would like them there emotional support for himself. Such as being able to walk out of your laboring room and to the waiting room and talk for a little bit to family or not eat alone and not in front of you either.
I'm not trying to pick sides but esp if he's a 1st time dad he is probably freaking out on the inside and needs some support, just like you do.
Honestly, when I had my son I knew their was family in the waiting room wanting to see Coltier and I really didn't care. I took all the time I wanted with my son and husband before letting visitors come in:)...also, your hospital does have a time when all visitors have to be gone do you won'y have to worry about telling people to leave, the nurses do it for you:)

wallygirl · November 2014

I guess I don't understand what the big deal is. Make your wishes known but if they decide to come wait let them wait. You can't really control what others decide to do but you can control how you let it effect you. You dictate who visits you and when. So just let the nursing staff know you don't want visitors until you're ready. At my hospital only a certain number of visitors are allowed in the l&d room and they have to have arm bands to even be allowed in the locked ward. The waiting room is outside the locked area.

MissN06 · November 2014

I felt the same way you did but H's family will camp out and wait. For H he wanted his parents there so if for some reason he had to make choices they were there (his dad was told by the Drs to choose between H and H's mom due to complications and BIL is a SIDS survior). In the end I went with it for H and it actually was nice. They all stayed in the waiting room and were at the hospital for 11 hours. I was in labor and delivery for 14.5 before LO arrived. Turns out labor was really boring until pushing so I allowed them back 2 at a time to chit chat post epidural. My nurse & H was great about kicking them out before I started pushing. After 15 hours we let them back long enough to see DD so 20 minutes and then they left for the night and didn't come in until after lunch the next day, so we could have family bonding time. It worked out perfectly and surprisingly not as intrusive as I thought. Your nurses will be great at doing what you ask and for me H was way more calm about everything because the family was there if I or he needed them. 14 hours in when it was determined I needed a c-section it was nice to have my mom come in and reassure me and H to take a brief break to see his family and let them reassure him so he could stay calm in front of me. (Sorry for the ramble of my experience it was 24 hours ago and I am still hormotional about it. Not to mention taken aback by how much relief it was for me to have everyone there even though I didn't want them there to begin with)

Just remember if they do end up showing up you don't have to rush your time with LO before letting them in.

Edit for grammar because tired and hormonal make typing difficult.

lesliegolem · November 2014

@wildflower810 I love your posts!!! I feel like screaming out at a "hell yea!" after reading this last one lol

howin23 · November 2014

1. Don't tell anyone you're going into L&D.

2. Register at the hospital under private status so that if they call and ask if you are there, they are told no.

3. Turn off your phones.

Or just buck up and put your foot down

.

Bethyboo26 · November 2014

Just went through this myself. For 44 hours basically begging them not to come bc I didn't want to keep disapoint everyone.
In the end, they made a choice to wait, so they can wait a bit longer. By the time my baby was in my arms they were my last concern.

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