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I suppose I should intro instead of just 'lurking' all the time...

amieeyoungamieeyoung member
in Blended Families
I have been married to my husband for 3 years now, I have one son from a previous marriage (he will be 10 in Jan.), and am pregnant with a girl (due in Dec.). Custody is mainly mine, but we've went back and forth from time to time so I assume now that my ex has been staying in state for awhile we may adjust again. We usually get along now (though the first year or two were rough), and try and discuss and compromise on these things. 

My current husband finds being a step parent hard sometimes, and I can see where he is coming from. Also, he has never had a step-parent where as I had two so the concept isn't new. I always just looked at them as additional parents and still do. I try and be supportive of my husband, but also realize that sometimes I step in and/or contradict without meaning to and it is something I am working on. I think I was just use to being the sole parent for so many years that I do it by default sometimes. Thankfully it doesn't happen often and I usually find a way to make up for it (my son is pretty mature so I will simply say: you know P and I have talked about this and considered trying this ... etc.). 

On the flip side sometimes I feel like it is hard b/c we have different parenting ideas, I have to juggle parenting decisions between ex husband, current husband and me (not simple normal every day things but big issues etc.) and I am that person that is in the middle. 

My son and husband get along great and in some ways he is closer to my husband b/c he's been there day in and out. However, ex husband has being doing well the last year and a half so we shall see. I encourage him to have a good relationship with both.

I am nervous and excited about baby girl, but do worry about my son's adjustment to it. He is afraid he will be left out so I am going to have to make sure I have special time with him (he has a few extra curricular activities so I'll keep taking him to those), and find a way to blend in family time with all four of us. 

Sorry for such a long intro....
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Re: I suppose I should intro instead of just 'lurking' all the time...

  • alb2411alb2411 member
    Welcome!
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  • IlumineIlumine member
    One of the things that worked for DH and I with SD, was sitting down and writing up an extensive list of rules & expectations and their subsequent consequences and punishments.  

    Then you can vet the list with your ExH and come up with as close to a unified front as possible.  

    Once you are set, present the written list to your son so she knows what is expected and what will happen if he breaks the rules.  That really helps the Stepparent, because if they are the one at home alone when the infraction happens, the child cannot truly (though he/she will try) say you can't tell me what to do, you are not my parent.  

    Also, this will help you in the future with your mutual child.  There can't be backtracking on punishments or expectations if you have written rules.  

    file:///Users/Ilumine/Desktop/Family%20Portrait%20for%20gift.jpg
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  • amieeyoungamieeyoung member
    Ilumine said:
    One of the things that worked for DH and I with SD, was sitting down and writing up an extensive list of rules & expectations and their subsequent consequences and punishments.  

    Then you can vet the list with your ExH and come up with as close to a unified front as possible.  

    Once you are set, present the written list to your son so she knows what is expected and what will happen if he breaks the rules.  That really helps the Stepparent, because if they are the one at home alone when the infraction happens, the child cannot truly (though he/she will try) say you can't tell me what to do, you are not my parent.  

    Also, this will help you in the future with your mutual child.  There can't be backtracking on punishments or expectations if you have written rules.  

    That is a very good suggestions (why haven't we done this yet?) Thank you so much!!
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