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Baby shower sos

LDPorterLDPorter member
in 2nd Trimester
hi I'm 16 wks and a mom of a soon to be 9 yr old. My husband and I have decided not to find out what we r having. How do we plan a baby shower for that! We need one bc we have not one baby thing but not sure how to tell people to buy. Is not finding out the gender the best way to go... I'm having doubts
Thxs
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Re: Baby shower sos

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  • leela02leela02 member
    edited November 2014
    Throwing your own shower is generally (especially in this forum) considered highly inappropriate and tacky. If someone wants to throw you a shower, you will get an offer.

    Showers for 2nd, 3rd, etc. babies are unacceptable to many people. In some social circles they happen, and some think such a shower is ok if there's a large gap in age between children like in your situation. But if your family/friends follow traditional etiquette they won't offer or attend a 2nd baby shower.

    Finding out the sex or not is a personal preference between you and your husband, there is no right or wrong there. The main stuff that goes into planning a shower (guest list, location, food) doesn't really have anything to do with the sex, so nothing special needs to be done. The only things that could be affected by knowing the sex is choice of theme and decoration/invitation colors if you even care about avoiding blue/pink.

    Don't tell people what gift to buy unless they ask you for suggestions. That is very rude. It's their money, it's up to them how to spend it.



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  • jennypolkadotsjennypolkadots member
    Does anyone throw their own shower? I have only ever seen this on TB. I would be so incredibly embarrassed to tell everyone I was throwing a shower for myself, or even be involved with the planning and stuff. I can't imagine it.

    OP - everything everyone else said. Just NO. You got pregnant a second time (congrats!) so you and your H need to purchase what you need. Babies don't need much and almost everything can be found second hand. Beware of drop side cribs, used car seats (if it was your child's then it is too old to use...), and breast pumps. Other than that, you should be good. 
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  • taahirataahira member
    This isn't real right? So much of this post is wrong. :o3
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  • MrsPDXMrsPDX member
    Whatever you do do not bring this up on the baby shower board! You will get 78 replies tearing you to pieces...

    That said I agree with PP, you should not plan your own shower!

    If someone else offers, then great! In my neck of the woods second showers are perfectly acceptable. Just tell your host that the sex will be a surprise. They can incorporate yellows and greens into the decor. There is an option on online registries to select that the sex is a surprise. Then just register for gender neutral gear, clothing and what not. Guests can choose to buy you some of that or they could go with other necessities such as diapers, books...in which sex doesn't matter.
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  • janda426janda426 member
    LOL "we need one cause we decided not to keep any of our old baby stuff"

    I mean seriously LMAO. You ever heard of this thing called being responsible for providing for your own kid?
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  • allurah2014allurah2014 member
    Since these threads generally don't end well and are a dime a dozen, I will use this opportunity to test my sig.
    image
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  • AmstreagleAmstreagle member
    Considering op hasn't come back I'm gonna say MUD.
    If not you need to grow the fuck up and support your own child. You should be having doubts about this tackfest you've come up with. You sound like you are a snobby, manipulative twit and if you behave this way IRL I would not be surprised if the only response you got to your invites was to fuck off.image
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  • PrimRoseMamaPrimRoseMama member
    @etoille‌ : I ducking love you!


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  • adetheridgeadetheridge member
    MauiBliss said:
    shinyredsmartazz said:
    Whitfry said:
    Don't listen to these haterz, OP. Throw your own baby shower. Send out e-vites and make sure you assign gifts for people to bring to make sure you get everything you want. Another good idea is to have a minimum value for all gifts. $100 is pretty good. If someone brings you something worth less than that, they should not be permitted to attend your shower. I also reccomend requiring guests to bring a book instead of a card, and a pack of diapers as well. You're having a second child, you shouldn't have to actually buy things for it. Have your shower at a restaraunt and make sure not to tell your guests they need to pay for their own food (they might chintz out on gifts if they know in advance). Invite lots if people from far away. They will feel obligated to spend more on presents for you since they can't really come. And don't stop at one shower. Have one for friends, one for your family, one for DH's family, and one for work. But invite everyone you know to each party. Finally, post on the baby shower board for lots more useful advice on squeezing the maximum amount of financial support from people as possible.
    You forgot about not letting them come in if they don't have a gift. Yes, that has been done here. Entry fee and whatnot.
    I think having a "husband" shower is also good. While all the women are fawning over you, make sure the men get together but the men all need to bring some diapers and wipes as payment for sitting around drinking beer and watching television. This way, you maximize your gift potential AND the men get to feel involved!!! Boom, two birds, one stone.
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  • lexyraejaylexyraejay member
    edited November 2014
    BubblesMartin said:


    TheOrneryMama said:

    So you "need" a baby shower because you have no leftover baby stuff....

    That is no one's problem but yours. You decided to have a baby, you are the ones who should pay for that decision.

    If someone told me what to buy for their baby, I'd laugh at them and then not attend their shower.

    You find out the SEX, not the gender. That has absolutely nothing to do with a baby shower. Many people have neutral showers (this is not to encourage you to have a shower, it's still quite tacky).

    I'm pretty sure the OP is thinking if she has a "gender neutral" shower, she'll get less clothes and more of other baby gear.

    ETA: quote box fail!
    And if she's so concerned about getting stuff for the baby, a gender neutral shower is usually better for getting the essentials rather than just mostly cutesy outfits! But again, you don't throw your own shower!
    Lexy

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  • lexyraejaylexyraejay member
    Bliss+Berry said:
    lexyraejay said:
    ETA: quote box fail! And if she's so concerned about getting stuff for the baby, a gender neutral shower is usually better for getting the essentials rather than just mostly cutesy outfits! But again, you don't throw your own shower!
    @lexyraejay

    Just FYI, keeping the sex of the baby a secret, or hosting a "gender neutral" shower in anticipation of what gifts you might get is pretty tacky.  It's not as tacky as hosting your own shower, but its up there.  

    Also, I don't know how many naked kids you have running around your household, but as a mother of 2 under 2, it's my opinion that clothes are a necessity.\
    Bliss+Berry said:
    lexyraejay said:
    ETA: quote box fail! And if she's so concerned about getting stuff for the baby, a gender neutral shower is usually better for getting the essentials rather than just mostly cutesy outfits! But again, you don't throw your own shower!
    @lexyraejay

    Just FYI, keeping the sex of the baby a secret, or hosting a "gender neutral" shower in anticipation of what gifts you might get is pretty tacky.  It's not as tacky as hosting your own shower, but its up there.  

    Also, I don't know how many naked kids you have running around your household, but as a mother of 2 under 2, it's my opinion that clothes are a necessity.
    @Bliss+Berry My comment was made tongue in cheek, playing into OP's apparent gift-grabyness. On a practical note, I've found that clothing has actually been the least expensive line item in our baby budget - that's the angle I was looking at in terms of receiving lots of cutesy clothes as gifts instead of just buying the necessities myself.
    Lexy

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  • mamatobe1235mamatobe1235 member
    Bliss+Berry said:


    LDPorter said:

    hi I'm 16 wks and a mom of a soon to be 9 yr old. My husband and I have decided not to find out what we r having. How do we plan a baby shower for that! We need one bc we have not one baby thing but not sure how to tell people to buy. Is not finding out the gender the best way to go... I'm having doubts
    Thxs

    So much wrong here.   

    1.  A shower welcomes the mom to motherhood and since you are already a mother, you do not need to be rewelcomed.   It should not be the burden of your nearest and dearest to outfit you with baby gear simply because you got rid of it or whatever.  If someone wants to give you a gift, they will.  You don't need to invite them to do it.

    2.  A shower is a gift giving event, so you should not be planning it.  It's a gift that someone offers you.  No one offers, you don't get one.  It's not an entitlement.  It's probably about the biggest breach of etiquette you can make. Take the money you would spend throwing a party, and buy what your baby needs.
     
    3.  It's sex, not gender.  You won't find out your baby's gender for years to come.  Even still, if this were your first and someone had offered to throw your shower, knowing the sex is not a necessity.  Not everything needs to be pink or blue.

    4.  Gift giving is not rocket science.  You don't need to tell people what to buy.

    edited for clarity.



    Literally all of this. Ten points to bliss.
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