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Toddlers: 24 Months+
BabyNewbury2012
member
Advice on handling the not listening...
BabyNewbury2012
member
My 2.5 year old daughter does not listen to me. I do understand that it is normal behavior. I just am not sure I am handling it the right way. My husband and I both work outside of the home, she is in daycare 4-5 days a week. Those evenings are obvioulsy worse because she wants my attention and/or she is tired or hungry.
I would love to know what you all do in situations like if your child hits, or if they throw their toys across the floor, or if you are trying to get them in the car seat and they refuse, or if you try to get them upstairs for pamper change and they refuse to go.
Ive tried talking her into it, Ive tried being firm without yelling and she laughs at me or just plain ignores me. Ive tried physically carrying her while she is screaming but that just escaltes the situation. Ive also tried counting, like you have two choices you can walk or be carried and then I count to 3, sometimes it works.
Please help me. She is a good kid but she just does not want to listen to me or anyone. She talks to us and everyone in a very bossy tone of voice when we want her do to something. She is extremely independant and wants to do what she wants to do and when she wants to do it. I love her confidence and independance but cant she be confident, independant and still listen??? I want to nip this behavior early I just dont know how.
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Re: Advice on handling the not listening...
First and foremost, I will tell you the same thing I tell my husband. Don't look at this as "disrespectful behavior" because they don't really understand the concept of respect at this age. She's not misbehaving because she doesn't respect your authority. That will come later - this is just a toddler id/ego thing.
Okay so the issues (I do a lot of the same stuff as @leap08):
Not listening: Is this a distraction thing? Like she's not paying attention? When my son doesn't respond/isn't listening, I get in front of him and right at eye level so he's looking at me. Then I repeat whatever I was asking him to do. If I ask him to do something and he doesn't do it, I stop him from doing whatever he's doing (turn off the tv, take away the toy he's playing with, etc.)
Hitting: We don't do timeouts - I'm not against them, my kid just won't sit for them and I'd rather not get into a battle where I have to hold him down somewhere or chase him and bring him. But hitting is a no go. So if he hits we either remove ourselves from the situation, as in leave the room he's in. Because no one wants to be around a hitter. We can continue whatever we were doing when he's ready to stop. I also usually talk to him about the fact that it's okay to be frustrated and angry, but not okay to hit. And we talk about other ways to express our frustration/anger.
Carseat: This is an options one. He can get in, or I can put him in. We do a 3 count.
Diaper changes: This was a battle I wasn't willing to fight. I didn't set it up for a fight, we could do diaper changes whenever. He didn't want to go to his room, I'd bring the diaper to him.
I have found a lot of great advice on the Aha Parenting site/blog:
https://www.ahaparenting.com/
OMG! You guys are great! Thank you for taking the time to respond. I have been sticking with the 3 count and Im glad I did, she is responding to that quite well over the last couple days! I love the advice of getting at her level in front of her face when she is plain ignoring me/caught up in what she is doing, I am excited to try this. I also for the first time yesterday took away her toy after she threw it at me, she cried a little but I told her no throwing and she will get it back later. She did not throw anything else the rest of the day
yay!
I will stick with it, hopefully these things will continue to work for her. My mom is in town and has also noticed she does not listen well. She thinks I am letting her away with more then I should because I feel bad being at work all day and then coming home and having to "discipline" the whole evening. I didnt think I did that but maybe I do. Regardless I have made changes. Thank you all for your advice.
When she isn't listening to me and is ignoring me, I tell her, "Look at my face right now" and I get close to her and repeat what I asked/told her. I don't do it in an angry or scary way. I just say it very firmly and calmly, about a foot away from her face. Then I usually ask her to repeat what I said and I ask her if she understands what I said. This works most of the time!
When she throws a toy: the first time she does it I tell her we don't throw toys and she needs to be careful because the toy could hit the baby/break something/etc. The next time she does it I put the toy in time out. I take the toy from the ground, put it somewhere she can't get it, and tell her the toy is in time out and needs to rest right now because she was throwing it. This usually upsets her but I repeat that we don't throw toys in the house and give her a choice of another activity to do (color, stack blocks, read a book).
Is your daughter getting enough 1 on 1 time in the evenings when she goes to daycare?