need some advice

MinnesotaMomma91 · November 2014

As a few of you know my bf has a female roommate. Her and i do not get a long at all. I actually didbt give fucks about him living with her until last winter when she posted "happy birthday, you know i love you." On his facebook.

I dont know what her deal is but shes always treated me like something shes stepped in and lately its escalating and it has started ruining their friendship.

Im really uncomfortable with them continueing to live together but i dont know how to bring it up to bf without sounding immature or jealous. So i was wondering if any of you ladies had advice.

ST3WD · November 2014

I don't really have advice, but how long have you and your bf known each other vs. she and him?

MinnesotaMomma91 · November 2014

Me and bf have been together on and off for about nine years. Shes known him about four

ST3WD · November 2014

Oh... That's bull. Are you thinking about living with him yourself at all, or is it too soon?

MinnesotaMomma91 · November 2014

That was originally the plan but we were having some problems so.we decided to put off plans to live together/get engaged/start trying for another baby. Those plans are currently off the table for 6 months to a year.

20thirteen · November 2014

I had to think about this for a little while. I mean, the most mature you can be about this situation is to sit your BF down and say "I need you to know exactly how I feel about this situation, and why, without interruption. Your roommate ______ and it makes me feel ________. I think that you need to really draw the line with her, and when she crosses it, you need to tell her. I don't live here (yet), so anything I may have to say will fall on deaf ears to her and will only cause more tension between all of us."

ST3WD · November 2014

^^ YES. @20thirteen is a wise, wise woman.

When you have this conversation, see if she has any (valid) concerns with your actions? If you can show you're willing to make the situation improve as well, it might go more smoothly. I can be oblivious to others unhappiness sometimes, especially if I'm stressed.

Sounds like she won't have said anything constructive to him to make the situation more bearable for all, but it's worth a shot.

MinnesotaMomma91 · November 2014

Ive asked why she doesnt like me, all she says is that its because im a girl and girls are always mean to her and are catty and she just doesnt trust any girls.

This makes me not trust her. This is because the older i get the more i value my friendships with other women. You can relate to other women on a base level. I love my bf and my guy friends but i cant relate to them like i can my girl friends.

And if her only objection to me is whats between my legs thats not something i cant easily change(or want to change).

MinnesotaMomma91 · November 2014

Im really scared to bring this up because bf already feels like his friend got attacked when his best friend and his best friends wife came to visit.

His friend and his friends wife decided to clean the house to be nice(cleaning the house is supposed to be his roommates job and the house is always gross). Bfs roommate freaked out on them for cleaning to the point they packed up ready to leave before.bf got home from work.

Bf wound up convincing them to stay.but they called her out for acting like a bitch and it but bf in an awkward place. I dont want to do that to him

ST3WD · November 2014

AHDKSJKSFHSDLNDKDS, toxic bitch is toxic. (>.<)

She doesn't have a problem with other women. That's HER personal behavior and she expects everyone in the world to act the same way. When someone says something along the lines of "I don't trust X people because they ____" I know why I shouldn't trust them.

Does she work? Have any sort of substance abuse issues? Is she a trust fund baby? Does she come from a "difficult background" or a lazy home?

I just want for there to be some sort of underlying issue to explain why she's such a child. Does your bf feel like he owes her or needs to care for her? The fact that it's not just you with a problem, but other people have called her out, should have woken him up to her toxicity.

This is all setting off my warning bell flags, and I hate it for you.

MinnesotaMomma91 · November 2014

She works, isnt a trust fund baby, but shes from a broken home. Bf is fully aware of how toxic she is. But he has this sense of loyalty. Which that loyalty makes him so crazy attractive to me.

But that loyalty to his friend is hard on him. Its been hard on him being away from me and b, and she makes him feel guilty for wanting time with us when her boy friends practically lived here.

We talked a little this morning. In six months were going to revisit living together and in those six months were going to spend time together at my place just to keep the peace.

I know bf has called her out for her being a bitch to me and b.

ST3WD · November 2014

This makes me think she's never seen women interacting in a positive or supportive manner. Seriously, S.M.D.H.

And what's worse? SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TRY. AAAAUGH.

I need to sit her down and set her straight. And anytime she tries to place blame somewhere else? Or point out out how someone has wronged her? NOPE.

MinnesotaMomma91 · November 2014

She only tries with my bfs family. Shes really good at playing the victim and im to tired to make a scene over her bull.shit

Unknown · November 2014

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MinnesotaMomma91 · November 2014

Thanks driving home tonight i told him how i am feeling(calmly). What weve agreed on is that hell give her six months to get her own place and move out since shes starting a new job where she will make more money. In the mean time we will spend time together at my new place so that i dont have to feel uncomfortable and we can still have our family time.

MinnesotaMomma91 · November 2014

And before we left bf freaked out on her. B and him were cuddling and b said daddy again. She looked at them and made a comment about "thats not your daddy" bf flipped out telling her to fuck herself because he has been daddy since day one and bd would have to kill him before he gave up hearing his baby boy call him daddy.

ST3WD · November 2014

I'm so glad your talk went well.

More so that he stood up for his son and told her to stick it. I pray you two can stick to the plan and move on with your goals soon.

Unknown · November 2014

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MinnesotaMomma91 · November 2014

I was in to much shock to say anything. But i know how much it bothers him that he cant adopt b right now. He has always maintained hes bs dad and not bd.

Bf loves showing b and c off and bragging about his boys

Unknown · November 2014

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MinnesotaMomma91 · November 2014

becwheat said:

MinnesotaMomma91 said:

I was in to much shock to say anything. But i know how much it bothers him that he cant adopt b right now. He has always maintained hes bs dad and not bd.

Bf loves showing b and c off and bragging about his boys

I told DH the story (in a generic, no name, no mention of the board kind of way) and he was like "I dare someone to say that to me regarding Caroline! I would have lost my shit too. That chick would have been out within 48 hours."

Apparentley she started shit when he got home home. I got a text message about 11 telling me if she didnt have a kid her ass would have been out of the street last night.

I know hes giving her six months since they are friends but i know that nothing makes him more mad then people trying to tell him who is or is not his kid.

Funny side story-even his refers to b as cs brother saturday at cs birthday party she asked him if it was good seeing his brother.

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