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Birth photographer & time off

sbride68sbride68 member
in 2nd Trimester
So I found two different photographers and am set that I really want a birth photographer. I thought my husband was on board with this but last night when talking about which one to choose he said he didn't think he wanted one because they weren't family and that would be weird to have them in the room. We had already agreed that we didn't want family because I am only allowed two people in the room. I had decided on my husband as one of them for sure and was tossing the idea of who else to have come in. I then decided that to save family feeling left out I would have a photographer not only to give me those moments to last forever but that would be my second person. I don't know what to do now. :/
Also then we got on the topic of how long husband would take off work once baby is born. He said he is only taking two maybe three days at the most and then go back to work. I don't know if it is just me but that doesn't seem like a lot. I was hoping for at least a week but he said he would go stir crazy being home for a week. That kind of hurt because this is our first baby and I have no idea how I will adjust to being by myself with baby. Especially right away. I won't have anyone to be here and help me. My mom has daycare and it is like pulling teeth for her to even get holidays off, my dad works at an elevator all week long, and his mom lives an hour away and works three hours south of her home as a nurse. Aside from the occasional visitor I won't have help if I don't feel up to moving a lot or have not recovered well. I'm ultimately afraid I will not be able to care for my baby the way I should. Am I alone here? Or does this all sound normal?
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Re: Birth photographer & time off

  • acoxwellacoxwell member
    We had a professional photographer come to our room at the hospital but was not present for birth.  It was just my husband in the room during labor.  If the photographer does birth photography regularly, they will not be in your way or awkward... this is what they do.  I think it is a great way to capture birth.

    As far as time off, my husband stayed home as much as possible.  I think he started going in to work after about a week, but it was only for about 4 hours at the most.  Those first few weeks are very hard and you need to talk to your husband about expectations.  If you don't have family around, he should be there.  Do you have a close friend you can depend on as well?  You will need people.


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  • sbride68sbride68 member
    I do know that he only has a couple days of paid vacation to take and we do need the money for our house payment, bills, etc. So I see why he doesnt want to take a whole long time off but I have money set back to cover my own wages for at least a month and a half or more. I do plan on the customary 6 weeks and will have some paid time off at work with vacation and sick time. My work does not offer maternity leave so i just have to go on FMLA so it is unpaid. That is why I have saved this money back so that we are still able to make ends meet that month. We could on just my husbands income if absolutely needed but I did not want to rely on that. But I feel as if i have enough saved back that he could stay off work for at least a week if he really wanted to. He has time off that he can take but after the two paid days it would all be unpaid so I can see why he worries about that. I guess it just makes me feel like he is afraid to or doesnt want to connect with the baby once it is born. And I am probably over thinking that part because he is very into the pregnancy and how I am doing and everything so that part may just be the hormones. Im not sure. I just dont want him to pass up the opportunity to bond with the baby like I will get to. We dont have any friends that live close that could be with me either. His friends all live an hour or more away and mine have moved about the same distance in all directions.  
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  • ashiscuteashiscute member
    I would talk to him.  My DH took two weeks off for each birth.  But he gets two weeks of paid paternity leave from his company.  That makes the decision very easy for us.  If he wasn't getting paid I would say we would have done things differently.  

    As for the birth photographer I would never want one of those so I'm on his side on that.  I had my mom and DH in the room and my mom took tons of pics of the babies when they were born.  They weren't professional of course but they were fine for me.  If he's uncomfortable with a photographer in there then I'd think about ditchint that.  
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  • jennypolkadotsjennypolkadots member
    How much is the photographer? I would skip the photographer and use the money to have him stay a day or two more out of work. Some things are just more important.

    I think he should have as much say as you do about the photographer. The birth of your child should be an intimate moment and maybe he isn't comfortable with a stranger's camera clicking away during the experience. Personally, I feel it takes something away from the actual moment as I'm always acutely aware if someone is filming/photographing me.

    I don't know your birth plan but most women stay 2-3 days in the hospital. He could take off the day of delivery, work the following days while you are at the hospital, and then take 1/2 days to spread out his time off once you get home. While you're in the hospital you will have a lot of visitors and constant support from nurses and the nursery staff. Consider this option. Don't assume he doesn't want to bond with the baby - it's clear the two of you need money and he is trying to make sure his job is secure and that you can provide for your new addition.
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  • capuletcapulet member
    I agree with PPs that if your DH is uncomfortable with having a birth photographer there, then you should respect that.  (And if you are concerned about finances, then that money is better used having your DH home for a few days anyway.)

    From the perspective of someone who had an unplanned primary c-section, I would not have felt comfortable being by myself for the first week after birth.  Even if you have an easy physical recovery, it's hard adjusting to life with a newborn.  You might not only want, but need, someone there for the first week, and it sounds like your DH is the only realistic option.  He doesn't have to be there every minute - if he's seriously worried about going stir crazy then he can go out for a couple of hours - but IMO the issue is not so much bonding with your baby (that will happen) as it is making sure you're taken care of and getting the help you need in those first few days.
    DD born 10/10/07 * DS born 11/25/11 * #3 due 3/9/2015
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  • SkrittensSkrittens member
    I can't speak to the birth photographer - but understand the husband issue.

    I would suggest your H talk to his friends to get their input. My H did that and after speaking to the guys as well as a woman who has 3 kids he went from not wanting to stay home at all to offering to stay home 2 weeks - when I only asked for one.

    It is hard for me to understand, but don't believe my H doesn't want us to do this together - he just can't imagine that we need to. I am very independent and strong willed and he can't imagine my needing any help. I think he thought I would spend the day in bed feeding and napping with the baby and his time would be more productive at work. Hopefully your H will come around. Good luck.
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  • allrightmeowallrightmeow member
    emmyg65 said:
    Sounds like you two need to talk.

    My husband is taking three weeks off work so he can bond with the baby and help me recover. Mostly, we want to figure out how to be parents together. It's not 1950 and I'm not the primary caregiver.
    Same.  DH took about 5 weeks off with both DD and DS.  
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