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is this a language thing or a cultural thing?

alli2672alli2672 member
edited November 2014 in Working Moms

Or an attitude thing or an age thing? 

We are currently hosting an aupair from Mexico.  She provides 45 hours/wk of childcare in exchange for room and board, a weekly stipend, and use of a car, cell phone, etc.  She is very sweet, and I don't have a lot of complaints about her.  However, anytime I ask her to do anything, she either doesn't respond at all, something like "mmmm" (meaning she doesn't want to go) or she says, "Okay, I will do it." (meaning she does).  This includes things that I think will be fun.  Last weekend, I invited her to go to a bonfire at a friend's house, and she responded with "okay, I will do it."

Today, I sent her a text that said, "I don't know what you are doing for lunch, but DS2 got a McDonald's card for his birthday, and he has been excited to use it."  Thinking that maybe taking the kids to McDonald's, not having to cook or clean, and letting them run around the playground might be sort of fun.  Plus he is really excited to go.  She responded, "okay.  I will do it." 

It just sounds like she finds everything to be such a chore, like she's the little engine that could, and it kind of drives me crazy.  But maybe it's just a language thing or a cultural thing.  I do think it's possible that she just doesn't think to say "That sounds like fun," or "I would love to go to the party" even if that's what she means.   

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Re: is this a language thing or a cultural thing?

  • alli2672alli2672 member

    Oh, she has no problems telling me if she has plans with friends.  It's more if she just wants to stay at home and watch movies that I get the "mmm" response.  I have no problem with her just hanging out at the house (in fact, I would usually rather see my friends than spend time with my babysitter), but I feel like kind of a heel just leaving to go to a party and not inviting her at all.

    But maybe I will start with asking her if she thinks going somewhere sounds like fun before I ask her to join us or take the kids.  Maybe that will give her more of an opportunity to say no.    

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  • skibunny59skibunny59 member
    kdc2007 said:
    sounds like it's a language thing. cut her some slack. 

    This!  If she's very sweet and you don't have any other issues with her then I don't really see the big deal.
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  • jlaOKjlaOK member
    I think it's a total language thing.  Phrases like "that sounds like fun" probably doesn't make sense to her.  She is probably just trying to be as direct as possible in giving you a "yes" or "no" to doing things.  If anything I'd address the "mmm" response and let her know that it's okay to tell you that she doesn't want to go to something.
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  • 2chatter2chatter member
    DS' teacher says "Okay, I will do this" in response to requests and at first it was off-puttingly formal; it was just an awkward construct.  I think it's an ESL thing; the subject - verb thing and tense thing has to be hard to master; I can only guess that I would rely on a consistent phrase when I found one that worked and seemed polite were I in her/their shoes.
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  • alli2672alli2672 member


    2chatter said:
    DS' teacher says "Okay, I will do this" in response to requests and at first it was off-puttingly formal; it was just an awkward construct.  I think it's an ESL thing; the subject - verb thing and tense thing has to be hard to master; I can only guess that I would rely on a consistent phrase when I found one that worked and seemed polite were I in her/their shoes.

    ahh...I can see that.  I am glad to know that you have experienced this too.  Her English is good, and she is good at hiding deficiencies, so sometimes I do forget that this isn't her first language. 

    And I can see in your situation it sounded very formal.  In mine, it sounds like a petulant teenager  i.e. "fine mom, I'll doooo it."  But it probably wasn't meant that way in either situation. 

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  • NLewis1NLewis1 member
    I think it's kinda cute lol (at least how i picture her in my head). When we spent time in the NICU , one of our nurses was from Mexico and she had funny little mannerisms like that and the way she would say things - I thought it was endearing though.
    Mrs. H
    Crohn's Dx: August 2008
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  • VitaLunaVitaLuna member
    edited November 2014
    I liken this to how I say "esta bien" when speaking Spanish. There are a million other ways to say it, but "esta bien" is my go to because that's the phrase I've used most and I don't think to vary it just for fun, you know?

    Also, if she was trained by an agency, this may have been part of their training (to be clear when answering questions, etc). I would address the "'mmm", though, and let her know it's ok for her to tell you no thank you. She may be hesitant or have been taught not to say no.

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  • Slb22Slb22 member
    I work with people from Latin America, Europe and Asia, and this is very common among them.  Sounds weird to us, but definitely just a language thing.   I also agree with pp that the mmm is probably a cultural/authority thing.
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  • ASmallWonderASmallWonder member
    My kids have been cared for by spanish speaking caregivers.  This is definitely a language thing. It sounds off putting to us but I guarantee she means it as "Sure."
    Formerly known as elmoali :)

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  • groovygrlgroovygrl member
    Totally language, "I will do it" in spanish is only 2 words and a common expression
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