When to Tell Work?

amelyse39 · November 2014

I'm almost 7 weeks & I'm struggling over when to tell work. Originally I was going to wait until 12 weeks but I've been really tired lately and late to work and over the past week, nausea has hit, especially in the afternoon. Not to mention, horrible heartburn. My manager is my dad's age and I work in a small department so I have a good relationship with him, but he tends to tell people things that he shouldnt which worries me. I also can't seem to track down any sort of maternity policy, only FMLA and short term disability leave, so I dont even know when I legally have to notify work or anything else.

When did you tell work?

kreardon11 · November 2014

In all the companies I've worked for maternity is through STD.

I would wait until 12 weeks. I know it's hard. I started dry heaving mid-conversation and ran to the bathroom today at work.

amelyse39 · November 2014

What's the point in waiting until 12 weeks? I mean, there's only so many excuses one can come up with for being chronically late/leaving early/trying not to throw up in your cubicle....

Mama-Bear · November 2014

Tell when you're comfortable. Some wait until 20w, some tell the day they find out. At my last job (in 2006) a co-worker/friend found out one Sunday and spilled the beans the next day.

amelyse39 · November 2014

Mama-Bear said:

Tell when you're comfortable. Some wait until 20w, some tell the day they find out. At my last job (in 2006) a co-worker/friend found out one Sunday and spilled the beans the next day.

Haha wow, I dont think I would spill the beans that quickly. I think I might wait until after Thanksgiving but it depends on whether or not this nausea gets worse. I'm not going to be dry heaving in my cube and pretending everythings okay lol. Also, I travel internationally for work and it would be nice for my coworkers to know why I've been turning down some trips.

kgille921 · November 2014

I think that's a personal choice. Legally you don't have to say anything until 30 days before you intend to take leave. (Fmla/std). However, telling them sooner could help you get the reasonable accommodations you need to not get written up for fatigue etc...

NoeliaV · November 2014

re: the maternity leave question.

My office uses FMLA as their maternity leave policy. I'm free to save up my sick days (it took 5 years to save enough to have my leave fully paid with DD) and carry over as many vacation days as allowed per policy, but that's the same as for any medical leave. Nothing special for pregnancy/birth.

I spoke with HR first to get my ducks in a row. Legally, they are not allowed to say anything to anyone else without your permission. Then, when I was ready (around 14w), I told my manager.

I'm not sure when I'll tell this time. I was thinking after Thanksgiving (13w), but now I'm thinking even later (17+w).

awheeler4311 · November 2014

I told my boss right away. It doesn't help that I had just started this new job and I had to be like oh btw I'm sorry for dry heaving and looking like a hot mess constantly, I'm pregnant. Lol. I told my coworkers at 8 weeks bc my boss outed me in a meeting "...is there anything you want to share...?" At least he is excited and understanding. There's no hiding it when you spent 8+ hours with people all day...

finchfeeder80 · November 2014

kgille921 said:

I think that's a personal choice. Legally you don't have to say anything until 30 days before you intend to take leave. (Fmla/std). However, telling them sooner could help you get the reasonable accommodations you need to not get written up for fatigue etc...

Thanks for that. I was curious when I was actually obligated to say something to HR. I'll spill the beans next week after my u/s on Monday to my team lead and work friends, but I wasn't sure when/if I had to actually contact HR itself.

amelyse39 · November 2014

I'm a little surprised there's not a maternity leave policy or really anything about it in the employee handbook. I know that I get paid maternity leave but that's really about it. I work for a fairly large company and found the UK maternity leave policy but nothing for the USA. I also dont even know who to meet with in HR, since my company is so large!

littlechemist · November 2014

We have to do open enrollment for our 2015 insurance before December-ish, so HR will definitely be finding out in the next few weeks! I'm glad they can't tell anyone though... just not ready for that yet. My manager will also probably find out sooner than the rest.

janat1717 · November 2014

I told my boss right away but he is pretty cool. Not sure yet when I'll make it "official" I'm thinking after 15 for sure

amelyse39 · November 2014

littlechemist said:

We have to do open enrollment for our 2015 insurance before December-ish, so HR will definitely be finding out in the next few weeks! I'm glad they can't tell anyone though... just not ready for that yet. My manager will also probably find out sooner than the rest.

Why do you have to say something during open enrollment, @littlechemist?

NoeliaV · November 2014

amelyse39 said:

I'm a little surprised there's not a maternity leave policy or really anything about it in the employee handbook. I know that I get paid maternity leave but that's really about it. I work for a fairly large company and found the UK maternity leave policy but nothing for the USA. I also dont even know who to meet with in HR, since my company is so large!

Who did your hiring paperwork? That should give you a start in the right direction, I think.

blastocarrier30 · November 2014

amelyse39 said:

littlechemist said:

We have to do open enrollment for our 2015 insurance before December-ish, so HR will definitely be finding out in the next few weeks! I'm glad they can't tell anyone though... just not ready for that yet. My manager will also probably find out sooner than the rest.

Why do you have to say something during open enrollment, @littlechemist?

If it's like my old job, it's the only time you can add something to your plan. BUT I don't think that applies here. If I'm not mistaken (I might be, but we used this clause when I quit my old job and went on DH's insurance), under AMA you can make changes outside of open enrollment for major life events like if a spouse loses his/her job, someone dies, or a baby is born.

finchfeeder80 · November 2014

blastocarrier30 said:

amelyse39 said:

littlechemist said:

We have to do open enrollment for our 2015 insurance before December-ish, so HR will definitely be finding out in the next few weeks! I'm glad they can't tell anyone though... just not ready for that yet. My manager will also probably find out sooner than the rest.

Why do you have to say something during open enrollment, @littlechemist?

If it's like my old job, it's the only time you can add something to your plan. BUT I don't think that applies here. If I'm not mistaken (I might be, but we used this clause when I quit my old job and went on DH's insurance), under AMA you can make changes outside of open enrollment for major life events like if a spouse loses his/her job, someone dies, or a baby is born.

Correct. My job calls it "qualifying life events". I did it when I got married and added the hubs to my insurance. Babies are definitely qualified life events. Besides, why would you want to spend half the year paying for insurance for someone who's not here yet. If it's like adding my husband, you're going to need a birth date and SSN to add them as a dependent anyway.

amelyse39 · November 2014

blastocarrier30 said:

amelyse39 said:

littlechemist said:

We have to do open enrollment for our 2015 insurance before December-ish, so HR will definitely be finding out in the next few weeks! I'm glad they can't tell anyone though... just not ready for that yet. My manager will also probably find out sooner than the rest.

Why do you have to say something during open enrollment, @littlechemist?

If it's like my old job, it's the only time you can add something to your plan. BUT I don't think that applies here. If I'm not mistaken (I might be, but we used this clause when I quit my old job and went on DH's insurance), under AMA you can make changes outside of open enrollment for major life events like if a spouse loses his/her job, someone dies, or a baby is born.

Yeah, legally under the AMA, you can add a child or spouse to your insurance at within 45 days of a "life changing event" for the reasons stated above.

BabyList · November 2014

I had to call off work last Monday. I was unable to give the proper notice to call off, because the nausea hit hard as I was about to leave for work. I told my boss the next day, in hopes that it would be considered an excuses absence. I was 8 weeks when I told.

mamahawk12 · November 2014

I am extremely lucky that I work work for women who are also mothers. I'm fairly close with my direct manager so I imagine I'll tell her next week. She'll be thrilled. At this point, if something were to happen I would need a few days off so it's better she know anyways.

HChad · November 2014

I don't knew when to tell work. Hubby and I had been trying for 2 and a half years. I was working at a job I hated, by stayed because the insurance covered infertility. in September I was told we have "Unexplained Infertility". I immediately found a new job and quit the one I hated. I found out I was expecting 6 days after I started the news job. And now I'm a Contractor rather then a regular employee. Luckily it's a 9 month contract

sammi2884 · November 2014

I just told my boss yesterday and she was awesome. Its only myself and my boss that work together in my office and we are really close so I couldn't keep it secret any longer. She was really awesome and excited for me and we made a plan of when to meet with HR to see what needs to happen (since this is her first mat leave shes had to administer ever). I'm glad I told her and can be less secretive now but will probably wait another month or so before I tell other members of the team outside of the office that I meet with regularly.

jbartsy · November 2014

I told my immediate supervisor a couple weeks ago, and he has been wonderful. Told me to take my computer home every day in case I want to work from home if my m/s is too bad, and has no problem with me working from home on the days of my appointments.

I work in engineering with almost all men (and out of the few women there are, I'm the only one of child-bearing age) but they're all huge on family, so I'm lucky for that. I told my supervisor's bosses today, and they hugged me and said "we're gonna be grandpas!". It was adorable.

amelyse39 · November 2014

I told my manager just a bit ago and he was excited for me. He did ask if I was going to come back after maternity leave, which legally, I dont know if he's actually allowed to ask that, but whatever. I told him that was the plan (my plan is actually to negotiate working at home, which I dont think they'll have a problem with... or else I'll become a SAHM). But that's something I'll figure out with them in the spring.

It was good timing because he and my other two managers are meeting to discuss the 2015 plan in a month and he said he would make sure they cut out my travel schedule. He promised not to tell anyone except my other two managers, which I am fine with. He also told me who to talk to in HR when I hit 12 weeks and feel comfortable sharing the news.

bride92310 · November 2014

With my DD I told my boss pretty early on (5 weeks or so.) There were some complications at the beginning and I knew I would be leaving early, so I figured it would be easier to just let her know before I started missing a lot. With this pregnancy, though, I want to wait until closer to 12 weeks to tell them.

I'm a teacher so my lack of energy and constant sitting breaks might give me away first, but I really want to wait as long as possible.

FitMamaInProgress · November 2014

Last time I told my boss at eight weeks but I miscarried at 15. This time, I have a new principal and I'm actually working as a paraprofessional and not a teacher at the moment. I am supposed to take over a classroom for one of the teachers leaving – we have three going on maternity leave – sometime between January and March. My new principal and other admin are kind of sneaky and I'm very nervous that they are not going to give me the classroom if they know that I'm pregnant. It's completely wrong of them because I'm not even doing till the summer but most likely that is what they will do. I have told two of the teachers that I work with because they know me way too well but I'm really going to try and hold off on telling anyone else.

babybooth · November 2014

I've been working my new job for 3 weeks now, my boss is an old friend and knew I was pregnant upon hire, but no one else knows at work. I plan to wait till the rest of the employees notice. However my friends and family are great support and we have had some complications and expect more so they have all known since week 6 when I went to the er, chances of it slipping at work is high cause we're comfortable with our friends and family knowing! Where I live you are required to report at 12 weeks as you are no longer considered possibly taking maternity leave, but expected to take it.

amelyse39 · November 2014

poohbearlove123 said:

amelyse39 said:

I'm almost 7 weeks & I'm struggling over when to tell work. Originally I was going to wait until 12 weeks but I've been really tired lately and late to work and over the past week, nausea has hit, especially in the afternoon. Not to mention, horrible heartburn. My manager is my dad's age and I work in a small department so I have a good relationship with him, but he tends to tell people things that he shouldnt which worries me. I also can't seem to track down any sort of maternity policy, only FMLA and short term disability leave, so I dont even know when I legally have to notify work or anything else.

When did you tell work?

QFP because you tend to dirty delete for no damn reason at all.

Awww...Pooh Bear I only did that once simply because I realized that I didn't particularly need the answer to my question nor did I care about it. Not to mention it was a "symptom" thread which you tend to police, and tell people not to post duplicates of, so you should be jumping for joy that someone deleted it before you had to jump all over them. Get over it already.

amelyse39 · November 2014

sensitivesally said:

poohbearlove123 said:

amelyse39 said:

I'm almost 7 weeks & I'm struggling over when to tell work. Originally I was going to wait until 12 weeks but I've been really tired lately and late to work and over the past week, nausea has hit, especially in the afternoon. Not to mention, horrible heartburn. My manager is my dad's age and I work in a small department so I have a good relationship with him, but he tends to tell people things that he shouldnt which worries me. I also can't seem to track down any sort of maternity policy, only FMLA and short term disability leave, so I dont even know when I legally have to notify work or anything else.

When did you tell work?

QFP because you tend to dirty delete for no damn reason at all.

Awww...Pooh Bear I only did that once simply because I realized that I didn't particularly need the answer to my question nor did I care about it. Not to mention it was a "symptom" thread which you tend to police, and tell people not to post duplicates of, so you should be jumping for joy that someone deleted it before you had to jump all over them. Get over it already.
The Bump never forgets!

Answer me this: if Pooh Bear is on here all day, every day policing threads and telling everyone when they post a duplicate thread, especially if it's related to symptoms, why does she care so much if I deleted a symptoms thread? Or does someone just want something to bitch about?

amelyse39 · November 2014

I was just letting you know how annoying your posting is. I also enjoy having something to bitch about. DD are rude and you are acting like a selfish child. Your annoying symptoms post could have helped someone who was having mild symptoms and I answered you nicely. I also helped you by demonstrating that the search function works perfectly fine and you could do that rather than posting a new special snowflake post that is exactly the same as previous posts.

This post is a little conflicted and doesn't make a whole lot of sense. You think my post was a "special snowflake" post but I shouldn't have deleted it. Rigggggggght. Bye

littlechemist · November 2014

amelyse39 said:

blastocarrier30 said:

amelyse39 said:

littlechemist said:

We have to do open enrollment for our 2015 insurance before December-ish, so HR will definitely be finding out in the next few weeks! I'm glad they can't tell anyone though... just not ready for that yet. My manager will also probably find out sooner than the rest.

Why do you have to say something during open enrollment, @littlechemist?

If it's like my old job, it's the only time you can add something to your plan. BUT I don't think that applies here. If I'm not mistaken (I might be, but we used this clause when I quit my old job and went on DH's insurance), under AMA you can make changes outside of open enrollment for major life events like if a spouse loses his/her job, someone dies, or a baby is born.

Yeah, legally under the AMA, you can add a child or spouse to your insurance at within 45 days of a "life changing event" for the reasons stated above.

This is true... technically I don't have to tell them yet, but now is the best time to ask all the questions about what changes we will need to make when the time comes. I guess I won't have to 100% come out with it, but the fact that we're (DH and I work at the same location) asking the questions, people will certainly start to wonder!

Thanks all for the replies - insurance always makes my head spin.

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