Caffeine... — The Bump
June 2015 Moms

Caffeine...

utopiaqueenutopiaqueen member
edited November 2014 in June 2015 Moms
Hello June 2015 Mommies!

So....I have already talked to my doctor and many mommy friends about coffee consumption, but I thought I'd reach out to you for some advice!

I am kind of a workaholic and work a very out of the ordinary job as an actress doing professional theatre, film, voice over work, and audiobook narration.  I work from home recording during the day (which is wonderful, but also challenging during my sleepy first trimester), and have late night rehearsals every week night (home by 11PM) and during the day on weekends.

Before finding out I was pregnant, I was a heavy coffee drinker - a couple cups in the morning, and a few more in the evening before I headed out to rehearsals, sometimes up to a pot a day.  Once I found out I was pregnant, I was advised I could have up to 200mg of coffee a day.  However, I haven't had any caffeine yet, except for the small amount in my decaf coffee, and I have grown quite fond of decaf cafe americanos, even though I'm not a huge fan of Starbucks.

I'm rambling.  So...my dilemma is that I have been way less productive while working from home, napping when I need to, and have felt sluggish during my late night rehearsals.  I have no problem with the idea of having 1-2 cups of regular coffee a day throughout my pregnancy, and am very tempted to go for it.  However, my DH is very against it and doesn't feel comfortable with me having any regular coffee at all throughout my entire pregnancy.  I have had friends say I should just sneak it, but I figure it is just 9 months, I've gone for 9 weeks without it, and I can keep going without it. 

I am pretty sure I know what you will say - be honest with my husband and stay away from the caffeine for the 9 months....but boy, oh boy, am I craving a cup of regular coffee like a crazy person right now.

Are you drinking coffee during your pregnancy?  Are there any foods/beverages you really want that your DH doesn't feel comfortable with you consuming? 

Any thoughts/advice is welcome!  Thanks in advance, gals!
"Because you are alive, everything is possible." 

"Smile, breathe, and go slowly." 

-Thich Nhat Hanh


Pregnancy Ticker


Re: Caffeine...

  • Like you, I love Starbucks too.  I would get a double shot in my morning cup every morning.  For some reason after getting pregnant, I have not craved it!  I would always get a caffeine headache after a day or so without it but no headaches yet. 

    I think you are feeling tired, sluggish and unproductive at work because like you said youre a workaholic! Also, you are pregnant you are going to feel more tire than usual.  I read that one cup/day is usually fine.  I would be more concerned with your busy work schedule right now. So take it easy!
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  • Thanks Jen61811 - great advice!

    I should clarify - I have completely cut down on work since finding out I'm pregnant, and have been trying to take it easy during the day, but the late night 4-5 hour rehearsals are a killer, and I can't change that schedule until our show opens in late-November.  I have been sleeping and relaxing a lot during the day, maybe working a few hours here and there, but the late night rehearsals are challenging without a little caffeine to wake up my brain!
    "Because you are alive, everything is possible." 

    "Smile, breathe, and go slowly." 

    -Thich Nhat Hanh


    Pregnancy Ticker


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  • I'd tell my DH "I understand you feel that way. I've thought hard about it and done my research. But I'm sorry, you're not the one who is pregnant and having to do all of this, you don't know what it's like, and I have made the decision to drink some coffee. I hope you'll understand." 

    But... every marriage is different. For me I usually do what feels right even if it means going "against" what my DH thinks. ESPECIALLY in regards to being pregnant. He's going to have lots of opinions, but only you know what you need to do. 

    p.s. I agree that you may still feel totally tired out, even with coffee!

    Pregnancy Ticker



    mamahawk12adorebelcatmagick
  • I agree 100% with pp. Every marriage dynamic is different. My DH trusts my decisions and that I (as well as him) have our child's best interest at heart. I'm a huge follower/believer in "everything in moderation". Ex: I had sushi for lunch today. It was divine. No regrets. 

    That said, if you miss it that much and find you really need it throughout the day, I'd remind your DH that you've spoken to your doctor, done your research, and you feel comfortable with your decision. And let it be. 
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    Bednarovaadorebelcatmagick
  • I'm in favor of what your doctor says. They're the professional........ Also it's your, working mommy, body. If it were me and my DH said that I'd kindly tell him to get a higher paying job so that I can slumber 24/7. Smile.
    ________________________
    Married my partner in crime 06/11/11
    DH: 29, Me: 28
    Started TTC 10/01/2013
    BFP#1: 03/05/14 | EDD: 11/11/14 | MC: 04/10/14 | D&C 05/01/14 [Molar]
    BFP#2: 10/15/14 | EDD: 06/25/14 | MC: 12/02/14 | D&C 12/04/14 [MMC]
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    jasa2013
  • Not trying to be snarky - but has your DH given up caffeine cold turkey, too, to even slightly understand how hard it is? Even if he has, he still can't possibly know the fatigue you're feeling, but it seems like he's the only barrier to you having a cup a day which is sometimes survival right now. Have him read up about first tri fatigue as a little reminder of what you're going through. If he's still adamant, then he needs to be supportive in some other way to help you get energized before going to rehearsal - a walk together, helping you make time to get more naps in, whatever. The fatigue will pass, just get through the next few weeks however you need to! 
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  • utopiaqueenutopiaqueen member
    edited November 2014
    You gals are so awesome!  Thank you SO much for all of your personal advice and experiences!  I'm glad to hear that being this exhausted is normal, too!

    LadySif - you're not being snarky at all - I love this, and it made me laugh!

    Yeah, I love my DH bunches, but he definitely hasn't given up caffeine cold turkey.  I think you're onto something here... 

    Thank you SO much!  I'm so glad to have your guidance and support!
    "Because you are alive, everything is possible." 

    "Smile, breathe, and go slowly." 

    -Thich Nhat Hanh


    Pregnancy Ticker


    LadySif
  • I still have a small cup of coffee or some tea daily (I work night shift). I also didn't have soda for about 2 years but it's currently all I think about so I'm having caffiene there too (still not more than 200mg, usually not even close)
    TTC: 1/2014 BFP: 9/24 EDD: 6/8/2015 Sorry for the poor man's siggy...ticker won't load regardless of how many tips I read.
    cmcards83
  • I've been drinking either 1 cup of regular coffee or two cups of "half-caf". The two cups is still only around 100 mg so I'm way under the allowed amount, but I FEEL like I'm getting my two cups in! Takes the edge off for sure! Maybe the half-caf would be a good compromise for you and your husband!
  • This is my 3rd pregnancy in 3 years. I don't drink regular coffee except on rare occasions (I used to all the time) and it IS hard to chase after 2 kids without the coffee in the morning. But I do have chocolate (not a little bit..) and I nap when I can. First trimester is so rough .. I fell asleep on the playroom floor yesterday and woke up to my daughter bouncing a toy on my face.. But I figure even if it's *fine* to consume up to 200mg, it's probably better not to if you can manage it. Also (and this is a flaw of mine and maybe not yours) I have trouble sticking to limits sometimes. So while it may start as one cup before rehearsal, for me it would inevitably turn into two cups before rehearsal or one before rehearsal and one in the morning etc. whatever you decide will be fine - moderation as always..
  • I seriously can't function at work without a cup of coffee, but I've been trying to cut back by not drinking it on the days where I don't go in to the office (some days I work from home). A cup or two a day most likely isn't going to hurt anything, and if it's a choice between that and suffering through work, I vote for the coffee. Show the research to your husband and explain that you're really not doing anything to endanger the health of your child.

    Mine doesn't drink coffee and I bet he couldn't even tell you how much or little I've had this week!
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • My doctor said to go for it so I am. I usually have a cup of half-caff a day and one small soda. It helps me get through the day!
  • You should read 'expecting better' by Emily Oster. She's an economist but she's studied all of the current research, and talks about safety of caffeine, wine, etc during pregnancy.
    Maybe if he sees it in print it'll change his opinion?


    BabyFetus Ticker

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    catmagick
  • amnat84 said:

    I think doctor trumps DH on medical advice. Seriously, men have no idea how hard pregnancy is. If we can safely consume 300 mg of caffeine a day, why not? If it makes your day even slightly more manageable do it.

    This. (Well, 200mg). There's no need to cut it or completely if you're exhausted. I still have a cup of yes every day, or a cup of coffee if I really need a pick-me-up. I definitely cut back, but even my DH doesn't want me to give it up entirely (for his own safety).
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    stinybean
  • My husband is not my boss, my father, or my dictator. My body, my choice. I would drink the caffeine and tell him about it. If he has a real concern I would ask him to provide the scientific source for his concern. I would be happy to explain to him my choice and I would show him the scientific research that helped me decide. We would discuss and debate it like adults. But, at the end of the day, I would never A- lie to him, or B- allow him to dictate my food/drink consumption unilaterally. Pregnant women are not children and should not be treated as such. I suggest that both you and your husband read "Expecting Better" by Emily Oster.

    This.
    ________________________
    Married my partner in crime 06/11/11
    DH: 29, Me: 28
    Started TTC 10/01/2013
    BFP#1: 03/05/14 | EDD: 11/11/14 | MC: 04/10/14 | D&C 05/01/14 [Molar]
    BFP#2: 10/15/14 | EDD: 06/25/14 | MC: 12/02/14 | D&C 12/04/14 [MMC]
    Current Status: RE appt 01/20/15 & Cleared to TTC
    Plan: Baby Aspirin, More (raw) folate, PNP, Iron, diet
    DX: MTHFR hetero C677T, ANA+ Homogeneous, Anemia. Ige sensitivities: gluten, egg, dairy
    All AL Welcome<3
    “Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”
    We will never forgot our angels<3


  • Well my dh doesn't get to tell me what to eat or drink, so... But coffe grosses me out right now, so until my sensitive nose passes I can't drink coffee. My dh understands that I'm the one that's pregnant and that I would never intentionally harm our children.

  • I love my coffee and have had a hard time giving it up... switching to half caff. helped... another thing that helps me get some late night work done is to go for a walk.  Even though I'm exhausted and cranky and don't wanna go, just walking a bit gives me some energy.  

    Good luck!  
  • I completely planned on giving it up the whole time, but around week 7 I decided to have a cup and all my headaches and fatigue vanished. I have just one cup almost every morning and it really does make a huge difference. I felt guilty about it at first but then I did a ton of research and realized that it's really just fine in moderation. I really hope your husband relaxes. We are all paranoid and worried about every little thing but we still have to manage and live our lives. There are chemicals and harmful substances in everything we touch. Good luck
  • adorebeladorebel member
    edited November 2014
    I agree with PPs! Although every marriage is different, mutual respect is key to almost all the successful ones I know. And I think too often "mutual respect" floats towards the woman accepting the man's opinion because our culture often sees men's opinions as "default opinions" and teaches women to be more accommodating in relationships. 

    For example, (working) women who want help cleaning the house are told by men to lower their standards of how often/well it should be cleaned (not to demand that men do it better/more often), and pregnant women let their husbands decide "no caffeine" (rather than arguing out the evidence), even though both of those situations are grey areas that require negotiation, rather than male accession. (I also have a dear friend whose DH made her wait until 14 weeks to tell anyone about the pregnancy and won't let her share names with anyone, even though she's dying for support and wanted/wants to, but out of "respect" for him, she's agreeing to all his wishes and not fighting for her own.)

    To be fair to your SO, I think it's hard for men to really imagine what it feels like to have so much pressure and responsibility for a baby inside you all day, every day. He may just want to be on the safe side, but we all want to do what's best for that child without losing our own needs and desires and sense of self. A lot of the obsessive rules around pregnancy can make you start feeling really anxious and overly cautious, like the host or vessel for the precious baby, rather than a working mom who needs her (perfectly safe) cup of coffee. 

    FWIW, I have a latte or filter coffee every damn day
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    catmagickcmcards83ktjohnson87
  • Maybe it's just me but I'd drink my 200 mg of caffeine a day (my doc ok'd it) and either;

    1- not tell my husband.  Men have no idea what we go through. Even if they try to understand, they never fully will, so they never fully will understand our needs during pregnancy either, so sometimes it's just a futile effort.

    2- tell him, and tell him it's off the table for negotiation. My body, my needs, see above. You won't ever fully understand no matter how hard you try.  Next topic.

    Pregnancy Ticker
  • Thank you all so much for this wonderful advice. My DH and I get along great and he is incredibly understanding, I just think he is trying to be extra safe during the pregnancy. I finally broke it down to him last night, and he agreed that I know my body and what I need, so I should do what I need to do.

    I think he was more concerned with my coffee consumption during the first trimester because of the baby's development, but he was much more understanding when we revisited this last night! I also agreed to compromise and take on less work during the day when I work at night so I can relax and rest a bit more.

    Thank you all for giving me the courage to bring it up again, and for making me feel much better about wanting some caffeine to get through the day!

    You are awesome! I woke up ecstatic to make my first cup of regular coffee, and am about to go make it now!
    "Because you are alive, everything is possible." 

    "Smile, breathe, and go slowly." 

    -Thich Nhat Hanh


    Pregnancy Ticker


    adorebel
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