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ckarris1 · November 2014

I work in a hospital setting and share an office with a few girls. Since I told ,my two closest girls there I was pregnant, they have gradually distanced themselves from me, leaving me from conversations, coffee runs, etc. It's not like I've been annoying in any way- I work just as hard, try to relate the same as always, never complain, and even feel afraid to talk about anything baby related. I try not to let it bother me but I spend 10hours a day with these girls and I feel like it's just ruining a big part of the pregnancy experience for me. I have nobody to share anything with at work, nobody ever asks how I am. Maybe I'm being too sensitive. I've tried bringing it up but nothing came of it. Their excuse was that they are just stressed out and preoccupied lately about other things. Any advice? How can I get these girls to be excited for me or is that a lost cause?

Sugarplum0217 · November 2014

I don't think you can make anyone excited for you. Sometimes it's hard for women to be really excited for someone when it's not something they are into. I work with a bunch of young women and I too have noticed some of them distancing themselves from me. They are into going out and partying and doing crazy things, I am obviously not.

I think the best you can do is be interested in how and what they are doing and if they ask you every now and then, you can share some exciting news, I just don't think they are interested in the day to day of being pregnant. I would talk to friends who have kids outside of work and also on the bump, we obviously know and share in what you're going through.

Christina80xoxo · November 2014

^^ I agree 100%

And I'm an Internet stranger, but I'm happy for you!

ngolimento · November 2014

You are at a different stage in your life than they are. They can't relate to what you are going through, and are young and self involved so they distance themselves. It isn't a personal thing, and very common.

Try not to focus on 'making them happy for you'. You can't force people to emote to your satisfaction.

same1b · November 2014

I work at a pretty big company and tbh before I got pregnant I would distance myself from my pregnant coworkers too. It was not out of malice of any kind...its just that what we had in common kept dwindling. I felt bad talking about going for happy hour or last nights party or even weekend hikes/camping trips. And before having kids, a lot of kids stuff is just boring!! No one really cares about strollers, breastfeeding, attachment parenting, diaper choices, etc until you are in the thick of it. Even now I try to keep baby conversations at a minimum. That's what girlfriends, sisters and moms are for

. Like some pp said, ask about their lives if you wanna maintain a good work relationship and that's it.

mermaid1113 · November 2014

I am dealing with something similar- worst part for me is they also happen to be family. Definitely feeling purposely isolated and I don't know why. I hope your situation gets better.

chaysefaith · November 2014

Idk, I kind of feel like your pregnancy is the same as your wedding - no one cares as much as you do.

Do you need your coworkers to be excited for you?

JenLa21 · November 2014

I feel for you, one of my closest friends is always a little weird around me when I'm pregnant. I never understand it because she would always ask when we're gonna try to get pregnant, after my first she was always like "have another!" But during my last pregnancy, and this one, as soon as I tell her I'm pregnant, things get weird and distant between us. She barely ever asks about my pregnancy, and I feel funny about it so I actually try not to bring it up so not to seem like it's the only thing in my life.

I think some people are just uncomfortable with pregnancy. I have another friend who says this flat out, and I respect her for it. She's just has a hard time with her lifelong friends being pregnant, it seems weird to her lol.

just playing devil's advocate in their defense... once you've experienced the excitement of hearing the news, and you've gotten all the questions out of the way, When are you due? Do you know what you're having? Have you thought about names? Aside from How are you feeling? There really isn't much to talk about unless you yourself know anything about being pregnant, or raising kids. So they might just not know what to talk about with you.

ST3WD · November 2014

Peledreamsofrain said:

You are at a different stage in your life than they are. They can't relate to what you are going through, and are young and self involved so they distance themselves. It isn't a personal thing, and very common.

Try not to focus on 'making them happy for you'. You can't force people to emote to your satisfaction.

I agree with most of this. The bolded bit rubbed me the wrong way. I understand a majority of young people are like, but it was assumed of me with a pregnant co-worker one time. She had shared the news at one of our daily meetings and was a bit overwhelming with how often she brought it up. I asked my manager to keep our shifts apart since I had dealt with a loss recently and it made work unbearable. My manager agreed, but then an hr rep approached me later. Apparently the pregnant girl complained that I was treating her differently now. (Difficult when you don't work together anymore, but I was still friendly in passing.) We had to hold a "peer-counseling session" so she'd understand that because she's pregnant didn't mean the world is revolving around her fetus.

I basically got stuck in a room with my manager, my hr rep, my pregnant co-worker, and a tape recorder. She complained for 20 minutes about how I was young and too naive to understand her little miracle and how she and her condition should be taken more seriously. When I finally spoke I just said that the constant pregnancy talk was a painful reminder of my recent miscarriage and I didn't feel comfortable in a professional environment that focused on private medical affairs. She stormed out and didn't speak to me again. She even transferred locations. It hurt because we had been close as colleagues, but I didn't want her to feel as if I wasn't happy for her. I figured it was easier on everyone to just work a different schedule for a while rather than ignoring her pregnancy chatter.

TL;DR Not everyone in the world is happy enough to talk to you about it every second of the day, but most people are happy for you or plain apathetic towards the issue. Either way, NBD.

There are plenty of internet strangers and other people showing support, so while work may not feel the same, do what you're there to do. Work, be professional, and try not to get so butt-hurt over trivial matters.

allachkat · November 2014

I feel similar not so much with the coworker thing, but the fact that my relationships with various friends have changed a lot. I feel like many of them are distancing themselves because they're at a different stage in their lives and don't know what I'm going through. I think this is normal. I'm sure I'll make new "mom" friends at some point and hopefully will get back in touch with the old ones in the future.

ckarris1 · November 2014

Thanks for all the responses! It definitely helps to hear that the general consensus is that its not about me and more about them just not being able to relate. I know neither of them want kids, otherwise Id definitely be sensitive to the fact that maybe they were having issues. They are just strong 'career' woman and still into the whole nyc party scene.. I just was having trouble being purposely excluded from normal things we used to do together (like getting coffee or talking about shopping or whatever)- all things that I can still do!! I never talk about being pregnant with them and definitely dont expect anyone to be junping up and down. Just an occasional gesture would be nice. Everyone else Im not close to at work has a nice thing to say here or there except them. Oh well. I know its their problem. Just hard to feel alienated throughout the daily routine when I am with these people for 10 hours every day

lisap0924 · November 2014

I can see how you would feel a little left out, but like many have said, I don't think your coworkers are being mean on purpose.
Pregnancy is such a wondeful thing but I feel it also has its lonely moments.

jack12trip · November 2014

I think PPs all have good points, especially about being PC. And agree also on the point of your "stuff" not feeling significant when you're not a Mom or expecting. I think it's natural for a coworker or friend to feel that way, even if you've made it clear you're interested in them and don't expect to be treated like a special snowflake.

You may wind up making some new friends and bonding with some Moms at work or elsewhere. I wouldn't waste anymore energy worrying about those two.

thejucheidea · November 2014

That sounds amazing. I wish everyone would just leave me alone. Work is for working, not socializing, but my coworkers don't seem to understand that line of thought.

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