For those who know my situation, please help me decide (another funeral)

abby8279 · November 2014

DH's uncle passed away. His funeral is tomorrow. It's in the same town as my MIL lives. DH is going out of respect. DH's father passed away a few years ago and this is his father's brother. DH has only met his uncle a couple of times when he was a kid. I have never met this uncle at all. I do not want to go. I don't think I can stomach another funeral right now. And inevitably the conversation will shift to my cousins (since they were a part of his family too). My husband insists that he goes for the weekend with the girls. I offered to go or to stay home with the girls. But he says it's fine and that my MIL and SIL would love to see the girls so he will take them. I am soo torn because it's just weird to me to stay home w/out the girls. That has never happened. It's always me and the girls (I SAH and DH travels for work a lot). And I am a little paranoid sending them all off w/ out me. Not that I doubt that my husband can care for them, but I am just paranoid right now about things happening to my loved ones. DH says I need a break and I should take the weekend to just relax and do whatever I want. I don't know what to do.

Brandiewine11 · November 2014

First, I'm so sorry for everything you are having to deal with. <Hugs>

Second, if you can find something to do for the weekend to really be relaxed (get a massage, pedicure, lunch/dinner with friends that you haven't seen in a while, etc) then I say go for it. But only if you won't be stressed and worried all weekend.

If you think it will be more stressful to let them go without you, then go along. Can you stay in a hotel where you don't have to be around people all the time? You don't have to go to the funeral if you go for the weekend, right?

TJ1979 · November 2014

Brandiewine11 said:

First, I'm so sorry for everything you are having to deal with. <Hugs>

Second, if you can find something to do for the weekend to really be relaxed (get a massage, pedicure, lunch/dinner with friends that you haven't seen in a while, etc) then I say go for it. But only if you won't be stressed and worried all weekend.

If you think it will be more stressful to let them go without you, then go along. Can you stay in a hotel where you don't have to be around people all the time? You don't have to go to the funeral if you go for the weekend, right?

I was going to say exactly all of these things. Especially the hugs portion.

Into+the+Kitty · November 2014

If I was staying home, I would want my girls with me. I think that funerals can be traumatizing and confusing for young children, and they didn't even know him so they don't really have business being there. When you add in the trauma you guys have all been through recently, I think it could very seriously be too much for your two older, and your oldest especially. I would either be doing a hotel weekend as a family while DH went to the funeral itself or just staying home, but there's no way I'd be ok with my kids going to the funeral.

Hugs, Abby.

abby8279 · November 2014

I am relived that you all don't thinks its terrible for me not to go. No one is making me feel that way, I am just thinking that to myself. The funeral is 2 hrs. 15 mins. away. We have 1 really good reliable vehicle and 1 that is on the brink of junk. So we would have to ride together. MIL is happy for everyone to stay at her place. But she just moved and I haven't even been to her place yet but she has said it's small. DH told me at the funeral they would take turns watching the girls in different areas (out in the hall, side room, etc.) but now I am worried about it bothering them more than I thought. After telling one of my friends that I may be home alone she asked me to go out with her for sushi and karaoke (with a bunch of other people). I just don't know how relaxed I would be no matter what I do. AHHH!

abby8279 · November 2014

FWIW- DD#1 went to my grandmother's funeral. But not my cousins. There was no way I was going to explain that one to her. DD#2 & DD#3 went to both.

candlequeen · November 2014

Oh honey this is a terrible situation no matter what. I'm so sorry that you're having to make tough decisions. If it were me I'd stay home. If you'll be worried the whole time then go but not to the funeral. It sounds like you'd be uncomfortable at mil's house though. Prayers for your peace over this decision.

abby8279 · November 2014

Tell me how this sounds. DH goes with DD#2. That way my MIL and SIL get to see a grandchild/niece. I stay home with DD#1 so she is not bothered by the situation. And DD#3 so I don't have to worry about pumping and so she doesn't have to be hauled along. And if I feel like going out (since DH thinks that I should have a break) I can get a babysitter to go out for sushi w/ friends. What do you think?

Brandiewine11 · November 2014

That sounds like a good compromise to me! And I definitely think you should get a sitter and go out!!

km_md · November 2014

I just want to offer hugs. I'm so sorry for your losses and I hope that you can come to a solution that you are all happy with.

candlequeen · November 2014

Awesome plan! I hope everything goes well. >:D<

freezorburn · November 2014

Just sending hugs. I agree with Maple, there's no wrong answer here. Every family is different, and every funeral is different, and you know best what your children can handle.

FWIW, if DD2 goes with YH, I wouldn't be surprised if spending quality time with her turns out to be a great comfort to your MIL and SIL.

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For those who know my situation, please help me decide (another funeral)

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