Advice from experienced Moms

NatureLovers · November 2014

For you ladies that have school aged kiddos, how do you balance a newborn and your kid(s)? My niece was originally going to stay with us for like 5-6 weeks or so, but I just had a feeling it was going to be longer. My sister finished her training at her new job (today is her first real day, whoo-hoo!), but as the new person, she gets the shitty schedule, 2pm-10pm. That means my niece would have to have a stranger babysitting her from 3pm-10:30pm, and she would only see her Mom for a few minutes in the morning on the way to school. I am not okay with this, and my sister agreed to leave her with us for the foreseaable future, in the hopes that she can score a better schedule at work that will enable her to care better for my niece. My niece is thrilled to stay with us, as she's very happy here. So there's that.

My only concern is how to balance a new born with an elementary schooler. Every morning I get my niece up, washed and dressed, make her breakfast, pack her lunch, and drive her to school. I'm done with her by 8am and pick her up at 3:15pm. Is it feasible that I will still be able to accomplish this with a newborn? My hubby is going to take 3 weeks off when the baby is born, so he can do the school drop off/pick-up for me (thankfully the school is literally two blocks away). My SIL and MIL are going to come visit for about 5 days in January, so they can help out too. There is always the option of asking my MIL to stay longer if necessary. I'll be having a c-section, so I'm assuming by 3 weeks post surgery I should be able to move around pretty easily, right? Am I being naive in thinking I can manage? Anyone feel free to chime in.

NatureLovers · November 2014

Oh, and for those concerned about asking my MIL to stay longer, I actually had a long talk with my SIL about this. I was frank in that I expressed concern about her being overbearing or judgemental, and pushing things on me, etcetera. My SIL actually said that her Mom was not at all pushy or judgy after her baby. It turns out that my uber crunchy MIL only BF'd her for 4 months before switching to formula, so when my SIL supplemented she had nothing to say about it and helped with the bottle feeding. She said her Mom was a lot more hands off than she expected and it seems that she understood the value of letting her figure it out, and just focused more on cooking/cleaning/laundry, which is exactly what I was hoping for.

aerotigergirl · November 2014

This sounds do-able with a newborn. After my c-section with DS, I was ordered no driving for the first 2 weeks (in addition to the no picking up heavy stuff, etc). So, it's good that H can do the drop-off/pick-up routine at school with her in the beginning.

Do you have much additional school-related stuff to help her with? Does she have homework that she needs help with, etc? Again, it sounds totally do-able, but you will (probably) be a little sleep deprived and maybe a little low on patience in the very beginning.

NatureLovers · November 2014

aerotigergirl said:

This sounds do-able with a newborn. After my c-section with DS, I was ordered no driving for the first 2 weeks (in addition to the no picking up heavy stuff, etc). So, it's good that H can do the drop-off/pick-up routine at school with her in the beginning.

Do you have much additional school-related stuff to help her with? Does she have homework that she needs help with, etc? Again, it sounds totally do-able, but you will (probably) be a little sleep deprived and maybe a little low on patience in the very beginning.

Yes, she has daily homework, but it's simple 1st grade stuff that either myself or my H can do with her, it takes about 20 minutes. The only guilt inducing thing is that I had a parent teacher conference last week. According to her teacher, she is operating about a halfway through Kindergarden level, vs halfway through First Grade level. I suspected as much due to helping her with her homework. The teacher says she does not feel she has a learning disability, she thinks it's due to having zero ongoing education over the summer, and a lack of rigor from her prior school, and gave me tons of resources to help her get caught up. Problem is finding time to do it with a newborn. Even now it's a struggle, because my HG is so bad some days that all I want to do is just lay down and not be bothered. So we might not make as much stride in this area as I was hoping for, but we'll do the best we can. Getting her caught up in school is another reason why I'm glad she's staying with us.

NatureLovers · November 2014

deleted- double post

NatureLovers · November 2014

TRexsMum said:

My best advice is to prep as much as you can the night before. Zigz backpack is packed each night - books and gym clothes and lunch. All she has to do is get dressed and eat. We are fortunate that she is a bus student and her stop is next door to our house. She has already said I can stay home in the warm and she will say goodbye to me at the door so I don't have to bundle up the baby. Anyway, it's very doable. It has to be or moms wouldn't keep doing it.

That is a very good point.

aerotigergirl · November 2014

@NatureLovers - I think, if you're already accustomed to sitting down with her for 20 minutes to work on homework anyway, adding another 10-15 minutes of supplemental help sounds doable at night. It's really awesome that you're so invested in helping her get caught up. She's lucky to have an aunt/uncle who care so much about her!

I totally agree with what @TRexsMum said re: doing everything you can the night before. DS is only 3yo, so not an elementary school kid yet, but we both work full time so he does go to daycare, and this is one of the things that helps us the most. Getting his clothes ready the night before, as well as lunch packed for H and myself (DS is provided lunch at school) helps so much. And when he was a newborn, I did all of the bottle prep the night before so all I needed to do was grab it from the fridge on my way out the door in the morning.

Also, if you're able (I know you may not be feeling up to it) to find the time now, I think preparing meals and storing them in the freezer helps a ton when you've got a newborn. And crock-pot meals, too. I double this up, in fact. I just do all the crock-pot prep work and then store it in ziploc bags in the freezer until the night before I want to cook it. It relieves so much stress not having to try to get a healthy dinner done when you've just got home from work/school and you're going through the evening rush.

NatureLovers · November 2014

@aerotigergirl just today I had a freezer delivered so on my "good" HG days I can start making freezer and crockpot meals. Thank you for the advice! I need to get better about prepping stuff the night before. I feel so crappy most of the time that it's a struggle. I will be so glad to be done with the bed rest and nausea!

csjsmom · November 2014

I had a horrible time recovering from my c-section (it was an emergency one, not planned) but I was able to walk a couple blocks around 2 weeks after. With T3's. But still if you have another week with help it should be ok. I'll be taking my kids to school pretty much right away this time (hoping for another VBAC). I figure I'll rest lots during the day while they're at school.

kellimark · November 2014

I too think you will be fine. I held my son mostly the first few weeks because of reflux and other issues but that shouldn't get in the way of taking care of your neice. Maybe have dad hold and bond with the little one while you're getting your neice ready for school in the morning.
I didn't have a c section but had emergency surgery 4 weeks after delivery and was walking around with in two weeks. Hope that helps!!!

NatureLovers · November 2014

TRexsMum said:

And the best news is, it's instantly over once baby is born. I vomited through my whole delivery. 6:13am she was here. 8am I had a bowl of chow mein. Hahahah. I was instantly starving and not sick. You will be able to do it afterward, hun. I promise.

That is what I am banking on! Pretty much all the online stories I've read said the same thing, that as soon as the baby is out it stops immediately. Please God let that be how it happens for me!

kellyfo14 · November 2014

Nothing to add, just you got this Mama!

Edvent · November 2014

It's a lot but it sounds like you'll have a lot of support which will be great! I think everyone recovers differently but my csection recovery was a piece of cake (hence why I'm choosing a RCS this time). I was off of narcotics and just on ibuprofen the day after surgery and just took ibuprofen for about a week. I was out and about two weeks after and feeling pretty much back to normal. Like I said everyone is different, but just because you're having a csection doesn't doom you to a rough recovery. Your niece is a lucky little girl to have such a loving aunt!

4littlebears · November 2014

When my 3rd was born, it was october and my oldest was in Kindergarten. Drop off was easy because you just pull the car up and let them go into school by themselves. So baby just stays in the car. Pick up, I have to get out of the car to get them. That was cold, but I took a warm blanket with me and either carried my youngest in the infant carrier, or put her in the sling I was using at the time and just really wrapped her up. I left space for her to breathe, but she was really warm in there. It's feasible. Is it more effort and work to take a newborn with you, yes. But it's manageable!

tripletoe · November 2014

I have no advice, but I wanted to say you are a great auntie! @NatureLovers

NatureLovers · November 2014

Thank you ladies, for the compliments and advice!

I love my niece to pieces, so unless we were in truly dire straits we're more than happy to make this sacrifice for her. And she love, love, loves my husband. She follows him everywhere. It kind of broke my heart to realize that even though she has a bio Dad, my hubby is the first real positive male role model she's ever had.

I've been planning her birthday party this week (she'll be 7), and it's so cute how excited she is about it. She's never had a real birthday party with friends, so she can't wait. I'm taking cupcakes to her class on her actual birthday. Then the next day, a Saturday, she's inviting 10 friends to one of those paint your own pottery places for a Hello Kitty themed b-day party. The kids will get to paint their own pieces, and we'll have decorations, balloons, snacks, and cake, plus she picked out a new Hello Kitty outfit to wear. She's SO excited.

GirlWithAnchors · November 2014

If this is how you treat your niece I can only imagine how incredibly lucky your baby is! I think PP have covered the bases so no add ons needed

BookitBoo · November 2014

That is Awesome! She's going to love her party

elleswarth · November 2014

I join you and @ExcitedMama2‌ with the first grader and a newborn situation! In the mornings I can just drop off and watch her walk in, but have to retrieve her in the afternoon which I'm not looking forward to with a newborn and frigid temps, but like other posters have said, it can be done! Congrats on being awesome aunt of the year - your niece is so lucky to have you and your H in her lives!

snowbaby1214 · November 2014

My youngest is in first grade and I find that she is more willing to help out this year than ever. She likes to help make the lunches and we pick out an outfit the night before. She can get her own cereal in the morning and I only have to help wash her hair in the shower (no baths for her for a few months due to my mammoth gut). I walk her over to the bus stop. She gets her own backpack ready the night before. This is a great age to help her assert her independence. I feel that this has been the biggest transition year in terms of growing.

You are an awesome aunt, btw! She is very very lucky to have you! You've got this!

AggieMom0809 · November 2014

It better be doable! I'll have a first grader and a preschoolers on top of the new born. My extra help will only be here about a week, maybe an extra weekend. (As of now, it's looking like I won't have to have a CS which is a longer recovery.)

How we're prepping my 1st grader now: She gets up to her own alarm or on her own before it goes off (I got lucky in that she's a morning person). She gets herself dressed from the clothes she picked out the night before. I then serve breakfast. She brushes her teeth and hair. Then I go an fix her hair. She also makes her bed before she is allowed to play in the morning. There are times that she needs reminders to keep moving, but at least she is physically able to do the things herself.

We do all bathing in the evening so we're not having to rush in the morning. DD has very thick hair, so it would take way too long to also try to blow dry it in the morning.

While she's doing all of that, DS ends up waking up and eating breakfast about the same time. He then goes off to play or back to bed.

NatureLovers · November 2014

elleswarth said:
I join you and @ExcitedMama2‌ with the first grader and a newborn situation! In the mornings I can just drop off and watch her walk in, but have to retrieve her in the afternoon which I'm not looking forward to with a newborn and frigid temps, but like other posters have said, it can be done! Congrats on being awesome aunt of the year - your niece is so lucky to have you and your H in her lives!

Luckily her school has curbside drop off/pick up for both morning and afternoon, so I won't have to get out of the car with the baby. And thanks everyone!

mali3 · November 2014

My suggestion having a 2 year old and 6 year old is to teach the elementary school child to get up, dressed and ready by themselves. I don't think that is asking too much of a school aged child as that is what I do and my child handles it just fine.

I make lunch at night before I go to bed so it is ready in the morning.

My school age child has an alarm clock so when it goes off she is well versed in the drill, get dressed, wash up, brush teeth, brush hair, come down for breakfast...which I cook when she is doing this stuff. Can't Do Much About the dropping off part, but you will manage

I think it is important to teach the child responsibility once they are in school, they're old enough to get themselves ready. Now my 2 year old on the other hand...let's not go there lol

mali3 · November 2014

@AggieMom0809‌ didn't read your post til after I wrote mine, but we are in the same boat and sounds like we are operating the same way

NatureLovers · November 2014

To be honest, the fact that I'm so hands on in terms of getting her ready in the morning is more my issue than hers. If her clothes were laid out she can do it just fine. I just like to supervise to ensure teeth are brushed properly, hands were actually washed, etc. The only thing she truly needs help with is her hair. She's half African-American, so her hair is a bit hard to deal with.

AggieMom0809 · November 2014

NatureLovers said:

To be honest, the fact that I'm so hands on in terms of getting her ready in the morning is more my issue than hers. If her clothes were laid out she can do it just fine. I just like to supervise to ensure teeth are brushed properly, hands were actually washed, etc. The only thing she truly needs help with is her hair. She's half African-American, so her hair is a bit hard to deal with.

I had a really hard time letting go of a lot of the simple morning and even night time routines. Sometimes I wish I could go back to her being more dependent on me, but I know it's for her best interest.

moonfaerie · November 2014

I don't have a kid in school grades yet, but my oldest goes to preschool 3x a week. I agree with prepping as much as you can at night. Pack lunch, lay out clothes, pack school bag. Work with your niece so that she starts getting herself ready more independently. Like, with my 5yo, after breakfast on her school days she goes to the bathroom and dresses herself and sort of combs her own hair. Then all I have to do is help her brush her teeth.

I know being so pregnant (even without HG!) it's hard to be motivated to do extra things at night, but once LO is born, you will hopefully feel more up to it. I know for me, I feel so much better once the baby is out, even after a c/s and with sleep deprivation.

While I can't speak from real school experience, I can say that moms just do what we have to do. I was on my own with 3u3 three days after my third c/s, because DH couldn't take any time off and our families were unable to help out, and it worked out. It will all come together and you will find a groove that works for you. You've got this!

Disneygeek77 · November 2014

I set DD's clothes out the night before and make her lunch too. This way in the morning we aren't as rushed.

She also rides the bus. I think when the baby gets here, I will ask/ pay a neighbor kid we trust to help walk her down to the bus stop and walk her back every day. It isn't far either. Only a few houses down.

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