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Late Term and Child Loss
lexusolsen
member
Warning- "divine intervention" video
lexusolsen
member
Ok so I saw this while on my break at work today. In it, a couple finds out that their baby, who had previously been diagnosed with a terminal defect was cured. They say because of divine intervention.
Before we lost our son Ben, my husband and I were at odds with the Catholic Church over things like gay marriage and abortion. We still went to church a few times a month and our parents are very active in the catholic community. We were considering finding a church that was more welcoming (that's the best word I can come up with. I might change it later).
Now, I feel like God abandoned us. Dh says he doesn't believe in God anymore. If people like this think that God choose to save their baby, then what does that mean for people like us, who lost one or more babies? Does that mean that we or our babies aren't as worthy or faithful as those whose babies are saved? Are our babies taken as a punishment for something we did or didn't do?
I can't seem to make sense of God anymore. If he loves me and my family then why take my perfectly healthy son? I know someone else who was in a car accident just before we were. Her baby (further along than I was) is perfectly healthy. My son is dead. I can't make sense of this. I'm not trying to start a war. I'm just lost and I don't know where else to go. Any ideas?
Before we lost our son Ben, my husband and I were at odds with the Catholic Church over things like gay marriage and abortion. We still went to church a few times a month and our parents are very active in the catholic community. We were considering finding a church that was more welcoming (that's the best word I can come up with. I might change it later).
Now, I feel like God abandoned us. Dh says he doesn't believe in God anymore. If people like this think that God choose to save their baby, then what does that mean for people like us, who lost one or more babies? Does that mean that we or our babies aren't as worthy or faithful as those whose babies are saved? Are our babies taken as a punishment for something we did or didn't do?
I can't seem to make sense of God anymore. If he loves me and my family then why take my perfectly healthy son? I know someone else who was in a car accident just before we were. Her baby (further along than I was) is perfectly healthy. My son is dead. I can't make sense of this. I'm not trying to start a war. I'm just lost and I don't know where else to go. Any ideas?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Warning- "divine intervention" video
Eta here it is. https://sfglobe.com/?id=17391&src=share_fb_new_17391
Sorry that's all I've been able to come up with.
TTC since 10/2010
IUIs # 1-5 = BFFN
IVF # 1(July 2012) = BFN
IVF # 2 (November 2012) = BFP (MIssed MC D&C @ 8w3d on 1/10/13)
I have to keep reminding myself that God didn't do this to us to get back at us for something we did wrong. He knew that this was going to happen, That this was Mary's journey (Even in spite of His love for us). He has tried to keep us close to him in order to help us make it through this horrible, devastating time.
It's still a struggle sometimes as I get so mad at Him for letting this happen but I know that God can take my anger and if I have my anger to direct at Him, it's not going to a bad place.
I'm so sorry this is a struggle, but I pray that He will bring you peace and knowledge that He is still with you and wants you to lean on him even more now.
***sig warning***
I am also Catholic, and have also been struggling with how I feel about religion and God since losing our son. I don't have any answers, but when prayer came up in one of my support groups, someone shared something that I found simple and profound, so I thought I'd share it here. Basically, one woman said that she didn't believe in miracles anymore, and had a hard time praying, because she didn't know how effective it was. Another person in the group said "God always answers prayers, but sometimes the answer is 'no'". That really stuck with me, and I think makes me feel a little better? It's hard to describe.
When we were in the NICU with our son, I could literally *feel* the prayers from the thousands of people all around the world praying for us. When Q died, I felt like, what is the point of praying if all those people were pulling for us, and we still didn't get a miracle. I still don't necessarily see the point of prayer, and am working on my faith.
Me 32 (Stage IV Endometriosis, short luteal phase) DH 38
Married 5/2010
January 2014- DS born healthy at 35.4 weeks
February 2014- DS passed away due to complications from adenovirus
February 2015- Rainbow baby DD born at 36.3 weeks
My chart: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/42fd32
I just want to say thank you for this discussion. I have really struggled with my faith and who God is but I have recently found a peace with it. It's really hard for me to put into words "why" or "how" but some of you have really put into words what I couldn't and I really appreciate it.
I believe that God is in control. I don't believe he caused our losses, as flutteryfly88 said, but rather allowed them to happen. I believe He has a plan, and it is good and perfect. I have faith in His goodness and can trust His plan for my life. I hate that that plan included my son dying, but I can have peace knowing that God is in control. He cried with me when Colton died, but reassured me with knowing that Colton will never feel pain, or fear, or hurt. I know that I will see my son again some day, and that this time apart is just the blink of an eye in the scope of eternity.
Bad things don't happen just to "bad" people, they happen to everyone. That has become very obvious to me since our loss. God does not promise an easy life if we believe in Him, quite the opposite. He promises we will have trials and tribulations in this life, but that in the midst of that, He will be there to hold us close. Everyone has something - some trial, some pain, some struggle. Losing Colton was just part of our story. I hate it. I absolutely hate it. I would take financial troubles, or illness, or just about anything over losing my son, but that decision was not up to me.
And the reassurance that God is in control? I feel His constant comfort, and love, and peace. From when I was pregnant (back when losing Colton seemed impossible), and could feel Him telling me that He loved Colton, He held him in his hands, and that this baby would change my life forever, to the reassuring comfort and worship songs running through my head in the midst of the c section, to the support and prayers of our friends and family these past 14 months. Psalms tells us that God knew Colton before he was conceived and he was beautifully and perfectly made. The days of Colton's life were known and counted before they came to be, and his death was no accident or surprise, it just was.
And, this. All of this.
Edited to try and fix the quote box.
I have not been overly religious in my adult life but was brought up Catholic. Up until my son's death, I strongly believed in God but did not care for going to churches because of personal issues where I began to see how corrupt and money hungry some were (yes - I did try multiple churches and religions). DH has never believed in God.
The only thing that I now truly believe is that my son (and other close family and friends that have gone before) are in heaven. This may be a coping mechanism but neverless. I take comfort that he was strong until the very end and is now pain free. This doesn't make anything any easier.
I can not bring myself to believe in God at this time. I may in the future return to my beliefs but my son went through way too much for me to even think about it....