Daycare Concerns (a bit lengthy..sorry!)

lilnessi · October 2014

FTM here and DD, (who 14 weeks old) started daycare last week. As this is my first child im not sure what to expect from daycare and whether or not what I am seeing is completely normal..which i really hope it is and i am just totally overreacting!

So DD is at a daycare facility where i am able to log on and see her day whenever i want, and as my job is primarily computer based, needless to say i am logged on almost all day. In addition they send home a daily report with how many naps, feedings and diaper changes she has had.

My first issue is that every time i see DD she is in a bouncer and so far today has spent 7 hours in there and for the past 2 hours i haven't seen anyone interact with her and it breaks my heart. This is pretty much where she spends most of her days. They do take her out of the bouncer, but this isnt for more than an hr at times when i have seen it...

Secondly, and this is something i have spoken to them about..she is not sleeping more then 2 hours combined. When she is at home she is on a schedule and gets at least 3 1.5 hour naps) I asked that they please try to rock her to sleep as she isnt able to put herself to sleep. The day after i mentioned this she did get a little more sleep but it has been the same since then..My DD is a very laid back baby and does not cry or fuss a lot..and I am wondering if this is why she is left to sit in the bouncer..because she seems like she is content. I maybe wouldn't mind so much if at least some of that time was napping..but she isn't.

And finally, she is EBF and has had a hard time transitioning to the bottle. She has refused to take it from me or DH but she is slowly coming along at daycare and sometimes eats up to 5oz at daycare (which is so little but better than nothing). What frustrates me with regards to this is the lack of their trying to feed her..they do try to feed her every 3 hours but and for an hr or so try to give her the bottle and she takes what she takes. I guess i feel like they should try more often to get her to eat more..

when she gets home she is so out of it and just blah and i attribute it to her being tired and hungry (as her personality on the weekends is so different). I guess I don't really know what is normal for daycare..I know she is young and in a group setting and I cant expect for them to cater to her needs, but she is so young (and the youngest out of the 10 or so children in the class) I feel like she needs a certain amount of interaction and sleep and food. But i dont want to talk to them and seem like the crazy or high needs mom if this is all normal or in the range of being normal, or if this is something that my DD will adapt to when she gets older..any input would be appreciated!

[Deleted User] · October 2014

You should never feel that your daughter isn't being care for properly or uncomfortable when she comes home at the end of the day. No concern is silly- schedule a time to talk to the office person or provider who is in charge of the room about your concerns and their plan for your daughter going forward.

Outside of that I have no advice seeing as how I quit my job and now SAH after sending my DD to daycare for two weeks due to issues with them :-/

singingirl96 · October 2014

Unfortunately this is pretty normal. Especially if a baby is always content, they get little attention.
That's why for little ones it may be best to have them in an in-home setting rather than a center.

Also, the camera can be your worst enemy... you're probably obsessing because NO ONE is going to take as good care of your baby as you are.

If you're uncomfortable with this set up and they're not offering a bottle more often or doing things as you want them to do, you may want to consider taking your business elsewhere.

My daughter wouldn't take the bottle at first either. It'll get better after 2-4 weeks. Eventually they get the hang of it. I bought "latch" bottles by munchkin and they did the trick

Good luck.

KatWAG · October 2014

Some of these were my biggest fears about daycares and why we ultimately decdied to get a nanny. I am notsure if its a state law of a federal law but DCFS in IL says that at most it should be 4 infants to one care taker. You said there are 10+ kids. How many care takers are there.

When we looks at daycare places, it seemed that standard practice was to move infants to a diffferent swing, bouncers, mat, what-have- you every 20 minutes so that they could be stimulated in a different way. So they 7 hours shocks me. I would be in the phone immediately and asking about that.

Although I do understand why they cant sit and rock your LO to sleep at each nap. There are too many other kids who need attention. Can you ask them to put her in a swaddle or sleep sack to her her?

How long have you been trying to give LO a bottle? That can be a hard transition. Have you tried different brands of bottle?

I would call the daycare and talk about your concerns, there are some things that I think are easily corrected. Others, I think are just the pitfalls of daycares.

Its only been a week, right? Give your LO, and yourself some time to adjust. And just for your own sanity, I would stop logging on to the webcam so much. You are going to drive yourself nuts.

CNYBride05 · October 2014

7 hrs in the bouncer is long time. I'd def speak up (and look for an in-home DC). Good luck!

lilnessi · October 2014

Thanks ladies..yeah i know i think that the webcam isnt helping at all..the first day i thought it was great because it made me feel at ease because she wasnt crying.

There are 2 providers in the room right now but sometimes up to 3.

We have been trying to give her the bottle for a few weeks leading up to daycare but weren't very successful (DH travels a lot and DD wont take bottle from me) and we literally have almost every bottle and nipple type..but she hasn't really shown a preference (she is using tommee tippee right now).

I will talk to someone at the center tonight when i go to pick her up as everything you ladies have said helps put things into perspective.

jnnfrrose6 · October 2014

I would definitely talk to them about the time in the bouncer, but with only a week in, I'd give the bottles and feeding a little more time. There is a transition period for most babies. It will probably help with the napping to once she gets settled in, but if her nap schedule is important to you, make sure you continue to express it to them.

I wouldn't go running away yet from them. The ratio in the room sounds appropriated and there is a learning curve for them with your baby and your expectations as well. If you still have these concerns in a few more weeks, then it may be worthwhile to look into alternatives.

JustGoWithIt · October 2014

I agree you need to mention your concerns to them. We had VERY similar issues when LO started daycare in September. Some we are still working on, but things are getting better. I too was afraid to sound like the high maintenance mom, so what I did was prioritize my concerns & every few days/week I'd talk with them about one of my concerns, so I wasn't hitting them with 10 things at once. Obviously starting with the most important to you.

There is a learning curve both for LO and the providers, so definitely voice your concerns and give time for them both to work on it. 7 hours in the bouncer is a lot. That is one of my concerns for my LO also. I asked that he have tummy time or even floor time (on back to practice rolling/reaching) whenever possible. I think there is a rule about how many babies can be on the floor at any time given the space.

Good luck. I hope it gets better. It sucks. I know. If in a few weeks you do not feel like they are listening to your concerns, definitely find a new center.

oct-wedding · October 2014

Talk to your provider about your concerns and if they are not addressed to your satisfaction, look for another daycare.

Have you asked DS doctor about her troubles with the bottle? Keep trying to have DH or maybe a friend with children give her bottles.

As far as the bouncy chair you should ask to have DS do as much tummy time as she will tolerate followed by time on her back with toys and as little time in the bouncy chair as possible. My daycare got rid of the swings and bouncy chairs so babies are always on the floor mats on their tummy or back "playing". It is better for their development; I have a sibling who is a pediatric physical therapist and she suggests tummy time or mat time for babies.

Good luck and as many people may say, trust your gut.

lilnessi · October 2014

Thanks again for all of the feedback. As an update I spoke with the teacher when i went to pick up DD yesterday about not leaving her in the bouncer all day. She acknowledged that she had been laying there for quite some time today and explained that things have been hectic because they are in the process of transitioning 5 of the older babies out of the room. She assured me that this week was out of the ordinary and that next week when the others are out of the room it will be better, but that in the meantime they would make an effort to give DD more floor time.

She also said DD is getting better at taking the bottle and latches sometimes.

and @JustGoWithIt you are right..i am going to prioritize my concerns so i dont bombard them all at once. Next week i will speak to them about feeding her every 2 hours instead of every 3 until she gets the hang of taking the bottle. And then i will discuss with them about her sleeping (for them to rock her to sleep for one nap during the day if she hasn't slept on her own..as yesterday she only slept for a half an hr the entire day)

I am glad that they were so receptive to my needs and we will see how things progress in the coming weeks.

clwheel · October 2014

Glad to hear they were receptive!!! We are in a center but it is smaller. There are only 4 infants total and I think at least one is part time. We've had a few small concerns and I agree, going to them has helped greatly. Do you feel comfortable with the people? I would certainly give it another week if they have expressed that things will get better, but if you feel they aren't do not hesitate to start looking for a new one

Keep your chin up mama! The first week was definately the hardest. And don't log into the webcam so much!!

lilnessi · October 2014

I feel comfortable with 2 of the main teachers, they are the only ones that have interacted with DD (picking her up, playing with her, spending time feeding her etc)..but 2 of the others just seemed to ignore her..today so far (and yes im logged into the webcam lol) has been a lot better..she is currently doing tummy time! so so far so good!

jfletcher3113 · October 2014

Sounds like you handled it well. I agree with the other ladies that 7 hours is way too long in a bouncer.

The sleeping and feeding may take a little time, so I think it's good to be a little patient there but there is no reason your LO shouldn't be getting more floor time and interaction. Maybe now that they know you are watching, they will be more interactive with her.

I have my LO in an in-home daycare and have no way to check in other than to drop by, so I think the webcam thing is awesome! I would totally be obsessed. Hahaha

All I know about my kid is that he's happy when I pick him up (although sometimes very tired) and happy when I leave him. And I trust the woman. So... that's all I really have to go off of. Nice that you have a way to actually check up on what's going on with your kid! I can see how it would be hard NOT to check the web cam.

Edited: Because spelling is hard.

Jillette98 · November 2014

NOT okay! I had something very similar happen to me when I returned to work. I watched my baby girl lay on a Boppy in a corner for an hour and a half with no interaction with anyone, and I could see she was awake because she was kicking (and possibly crying..... I don't even like to remember it). I pulled her out after four days at this place. The people were nice, but frankly the only interaction they had with her was to change, feed, and put her down for naps.

I pay a lot more now, and we are barely making ends meet.... BUT she is interacted with constantly. They read to the babies, take them outside when the weather is good, do arts and crafts projects with them (fingerpainting, etc.).... and she spends most of her awake time playing with other babies and interacting with the workers. 100% worth every penny!

You don't realize how much a baby is ready to learn at just 3 months, and it is so important to work with them on their milestones and expose them to new things. Almost ALL of their brain development occurs in the first 3 years of life, so for that slice of time spend what you have to in order to make the most of it. That's my theory, at least.

Keep looking.... I just don't think that your daycare has the right philosophies, and asking them to do more with her, etc. will likely keep falling on dear ears. Good luck, mama!!!!!

P. S. I don't know if there are any Primrose Schools in your area, but that's where my daughter is now. I LOVE it.

lilnessi · November 2014

Just wanted to update everyone. Everything has gone really well at the daycare. When i had initially spoken to the teachers there they said something similar to what @hampire mentioned, that they did not want her to get trampled by the older babies so they did not give her much floor time. Since then, the older/mobile babies have been transferred out of the room and she is getting a lot more attention and way more floor time. I am hoping that that week was just a quirk due to the transitioning of the older babies but I will keep an eye on things. Also..I haven't given up checking webcam all day as I feel like it is the only way to sort of connect with my LO when i am at work and it also gives me peace of mind! Thanks again for all the feedback! I am glad that i did talk to them in the end and voiced my concerns and that the changes i have seen have all been positive!

Samiiheehee · November 2014

I totally understand, my daugther just started daycare a month ago and was 3 months also. I love my daycare. They are really friendly they interact with all the babies fussy or not and the also rock her to sleep, also everytime I am in there she is doing something new and she always looks happy when I pick her up. If you don't feel that your daycare isn't taking care of your daughter the way she should be, take her out of there. Its okay to look like a crazy mom, until you are a mom no can judge. What I did was I went around to probably what was like 8 differrent daycares and I called more than that, until I just felt like it was right and talking to (judging) the people who would be watching her, I felt safer in picking the one I did what I also looked for was the environment, where she would be, how the place was set up and if it was corporation or not. My daughters daycare is a little mom and pop kinda place. I hope this helps, if not well just listen to your momma instincts, they know best.

Samiiheehee · November 2014

Oh ! I forgot a tip for ebf to the bottle here and there. If at home, breastfeed her on both sides but not as long as usual and have a bottle on the side. So when shes on the last side, unlatch her and slip the bottle in while her eyes are still closed. In doing this she will still think its the boob but this will get her use to a bottle. So when they try to give her a bottle at daycare she'll recognize the nipple feeling. Also rubbing on her check with you finger will get her sucking again on the bottle because it feels like a boob when you do this.

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Daycare Concerns (a bit lengthy..sorry!)

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