It Sucks

wannabeamother · November 2014

So I took a hpt this morning and got my 14th bfn:( this is a result of my 3rd iui. MH sperm count was at 20 million post wash and I had two follicles and per usual I got optimistic....stupid I know. I just don't understand why it won't work. And every month just sucks more than the one before. I find myself not excited about anything. I'm turning 24 in a week and I just find it depressing and I used to love the holidays and I'm not into it at all.
I would give anything to be pregnant and have a healthy baby and I can't control any of it.

Sorry for the rant but it's been a difficult day and on top of all of this my sister has her baby shower next Saturday and I'm so excited to be an aunt for the first time but I wish so badly that I could be pregnant too. It all just sucks.

BethKate2 · November 2014

I'm sorry. BFNs suck. They especially suck once you've started treatment.

I have to be honest, though....the age comment kind of rubbed me the wrong way. 24 is far from old. I get that you're upset about this cycle, and I can completely relate to not feeling into your birthday or holidays because IF just sucks the life out of you sometimes. Just keep in mind that many of us are quite a bit older than you. I'm sure you didn't mean any offense, but it rubbed me the wrong way.

dominicandreamer · November 2014

:::Hugs::: to you @wannabeamother. BFN's suck especially around the holidays and times you're supposed to be especially excited for.

@BethKate2, I don't think she meant that 24 is old. We're all so different, in fact I don't think 24 is even the youngest on the board. Not that that matters either, no judgement. I took it as she was bummed that it happened right before her birthday.

BethKate2 · November 2014

dominicandreamer said:

:::Hugs::: to you @wannabeamother. BFN's suck especially around the holidays and times you're supposed to be especially excited for.

@BethKate2, I don't think she meant that 24 is old. We're all so different, in fact I don't think 24 is even the youngest on the board. Not that that matters either, no judgement. I took it as she was bummed that it happened right before her birthday.

Maybe you're right. Maybe that's what she meant. It's not how I read it, though.

It's CD 1 for me and I'm a miserable bitch today, TBH. I have very little patience for much of anything today.

wannabeamother · November 2014

@BethKate2‌ I didn't mean any offense. I'm just saying that for me I started ttc a couple months before I turned 23 and so i thought that i would become a mom @ 23 and so it's just a downer for me to turn 24 without a baby or being pregnant. @dominicandreamer‌ thanks.for the HUGS!

curve31 · November 2014

wannabeamother said:

I find myself not excited about anything.

I TOTALLY get this. I can't be excited about anything because nothing would be as existing as a baby.

Baby > Everything

I'm 8dpo of my 3rd IUI so I'm kinda expecting to be in your boat soon. Still holding out hope though.

BethKate2 · November 2014

iPutKetchupOnKetchup said:

Hey, @BethKate2‌ .. as a (newly) 26 year old, I took offense to what YOU said about her age. This isn't the pain Olympics and clearly IF doesn't discriminate based upon age. It is just as difficult for us "youngsters" as it is for those with AMA. It is no one's business in regards to the age in which someone decides to start a family, as I know you know, and battling IF is battling IF. The clock continues to tick for us all each cycle, and it fucking hurts. I know you didn't mean to offend, but I have to stick up for OP on this one.. dear diary post and all. And sorry about CD1.. you have wine, correct?

@iputketchuponketchup, I'm not judging anyone's age for starting a family. Like you said, IF is IF. What OP said was..."I'm turning 24 in a week and I just find it depressing." TTC aside, my thought was, "Twenty four is depressing? What about 32?"

I get it that when you start TTC, you expect to have a baby by a certain age. After the clarification, I understand that's what the OP meant...but it's not how I read it initially.

Like I said, I'm in a mood today, and posts like this bug me anyway. Can you imagine how bogged down the board would get if we all started new threads for our BFNs?

curve31 · November 2014

I'm gonna be 35 in 4 months. There is an added suckage knowing you don't get to try for another 10 years.

DharmaChick · November 2014

BethKate2 said:

iPutKetchupOnKetchup said:

Hey, @BethKate2‌ .. as a (newly) 26 year old, I took offense to what YOU said about her age. This isn't the pain Olympics and clearly IF doesn't discriminate based upon age. It is just as difficult for us "youngsters" as it is for those with AMA. It is no one's business in regards to the age in which someone decides to start a family, as I know you know, and battling IF is battling IF. The clock continues to tick for us all each cycle, and it fucking hurts. I know you didn't mean to offend, but I have to stick up for OP on this one.. dear diary post and all. And sorry about CD1.. you have wine, correct?

@iputketchuponketchup, I'm not judging anyone's age for starting a family. Like you said, IF is IF. What OP said was..."I'm turning 24 in a week and I just find it depressing." TTC aside, my thought was, "Twenty four is depressing? What about 32?"
I get it that when you start TTC, you expect to have a baby by a certain age. After the clarification, I understand that's what the OP meant...but it's not how I read it initially.
Like I said, I'm in a mood today, and posts like this bug me anyway. Can you imagine how bogged down the board would get if we all started new threads for our BFNs?

Agreed, that's not how I read it initially, either. I'm 34 and reading that someone was frustrated at 24 made me a bit upset - definitely not AT her at all, as I completely understand how any passing birthday is frustrating when you thought that you would be pregnant by then, but it was just a stinging reminder of my passing birthdays, too.

AF is visiting me, too. Beer is in hand (and stomach)!

Hugs to both of you. IF is a b*tch.

wannabeamother · November 2014

@BethKate2‌ If boards like this "bug" you then please don't comment. I get that hormones run high but I'm not belittling you or your journey or your age so please have the same courtesy. Everyone is dealing with the struggle of ttc and sorry I wanted to vent on the day I got a bfn and this is where I have women to relate with.

BethKate2 · November 2014

wannabeamother said:

@BethKate2‌ If boards like this "bug" you then please don't comment. I get that hormones run high but I'm not belittling you or your journey or your age so please have the same courtesy. Everyone is dealing with the struggle of ttc and sorry I wanted to vent on the day I got a bfn and this is where I have women to relate with.

Don't tell me where to comment. I'm not belittling you. If you think I am, please stick with this board because you'd probably be miserable on a lot of the other Bump boards.

You're free to vent, and I'm free to comment about how vents like this bug me.

wannabeamother · November 2014

@curve31 don't give up on hope yet! You're still in it!

Ann612 · November 2014

IF is IF, totally - the pain and struggle is the same. But denying that there is a rough "deadline" at play here, and that being older means less chances is just plain ignoring science. I'm 33, and even still, I never say anything about my age on here because I'm conscious of others who are older, and I realize that may rub them the wrong way.

But I can totally understand thinking you would be pregnant before the next age (whatever that age is), and being disappointed when you are not. So, hang in there OP.

BunnyBerry · November 2014

I started TTC at 23, and having IF at such a young age was freakin' scary - if I already can't get pregnant at the time I'm supposed to be in prime fertile condition, how serious must this be? And I was starting that early because we wanted lots of kids (3, 4, 5..?). It was heartbreaking to fear the loss of that dream just as it's heartbreaking to fear not having a 2nd or a 1st.

Now I am a few months away from 30 and still never a BFP. That, too, is freakin' scary. Every birthday is a mind game with myself to see age as just a number. But for how many people who said "you're still young" - which means little when you've been TTC for 3, 4, 5 years - I know that sucks and just makes it scary in a different way.

As far as AW/Rant posts, I've noticed that it's more typical of newer members, and that makes sense because they joined when things were so hard that they decided they really needed this community. It can take time to get in the swing of things and be able to hold on to these these and get support at the next check-in. (And to pick up on the norms here.) Personally, I'd rather scroll through a few more discussions each day instead of having our friends feeling alone and stressed when we could have encouraged them with just a quick word of care (or just ignored it if we're busy). I don't think those posters feel their pain at a BFN or whatever is any worse than mine.

dancerspose · November 2014

So sorry for the BFN. Be kind to yourself.

MustangChic · November 2014

@wannabeamother Sorry about your BFN. A glass of wine is good. A bottle is better. I hope your stay here isn't long!

@BunnyBerry‌ Thanks for sharing. Sometimes is so easy to get caught in our own struggles that we miss how badly others may be hurting. I'm sorry to hear your story, but I really hope it changes for you soon.

And hugs to anybody who might need one! (Yeah I'm in a crying/mushy mood tonight.)

wannabeamother · November 2014

I just want to apologize to anyone who took my op the wrong way. It was not supposed to turn into an age thing. It was me ranting and feeling sorry for myself. I usually don't start a post about a bfn but just needed an outlet at that moment. I'll try not to do that again and just stick to the weekly check ins about those updates. I'm still pretty new to this board and so I'm still figuring out the flow of everything.

@BethKate2 sorry for telling you to not comment... I'm usually not a confrontational person, guess i was rubbed wrong as well. And I would say some of my crazy bitchey hormones played apart in that.

Again sorry for the post and please know that I respect all of you and feel for all of our situations, we are all so different but all can relate to IF.

meredithcarole · November 2014

Sorry for your BFN.

@BethKate2 ((Hugs)) girl.

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