Masturbation Encouragement Question

KMW08 · November 2014

My husband has never been the type of guy to masturbate on his own (Ive always found this odd). He will masturbate, but only if I participate. Sometimes this means I help out & other times I just need to be present.

Being almost 37wks, I have no desire to have sex or help him masturbate. I'm at a loss on trying to get him to masturbate on his own. I keep reminding him that after birth it's going to be a long time before we will be cleared to have sex again.

This is such a bass-ackwards problem to have haha! Any advice or thoughts?

JustJainey · November 2014

Got any sexy, alluring pictures of yourself that your H could use?

ssstephanie214 · November 2014

This reminds me of my new motto, "not my problem"

Seriously if you're not into it, you're not into it. His problem.

KMW08 · November 2014

ssstephanie214 said:
This reminds me of my new motto, "not my problem"

Seriously if you're not into it, you're not into it. His problem.

For clarity, he's not hassling for anything sexual, but with my loss history and frequently being benched, I know how his sexual tension builds.

I did smile at your motto though

I'll have to tell him that when the time comes!

narbuckle01 · November 2014

I second the gift basket idea. Or take some pictures of yourself for him. I just had this conversation with DH yesterday after finding a porn pic on his phone. He apologized again and again, I said I really don't care because I am useless at this point. I respect that he has a high sex drive and needs to exercise it. I think the important thing to remember is to communicate with your husband and express that you understand his potential sexual frustration and ask him what you can do to support him and he support you.

JustJainey · November 2014

Another idea - sexting him about some memorable sexy time you shared in the past which perhaps you could plan to re enact in the future. If you're graphic and paint a picture (so to speak) then that might be something he could get off on.

I feel bad that my DH has been "going it alone" for some time now. While we continue to be emotionally intimate with each other, our sexual intimacy is also important to me and not something I want to just ignore (even though I could totally do without it at this point). He has been very understanding - no comments or pressure even.

Cray, cray me sometimes thinks he's just not interested. But he hugs and holds me and I can see he is just concerned because everyday is some kind of challenge. Hardly a good time for *bauchicawauwau*.

silverwings72 · November 2014

I like what @JustJainey‌ said. Sexting is fun! Lol I also appreciate that you care. I find it easier to just let H figure it out on his own but maybe I should interact a little more. Hmmmm... Thank you for bringing this up!

Ineedmorecoffee · November 2014

Yeah, not your problem. I wouldn't help lol. I wish I had this issue. My husband loves his "me time" hahah

highbornhunter · November 2014

I came into this thread thinking the OP needed encouragement to masturbate $:\$ ">

My hubby doesn't either, and he's also not been interested in helping me soften up my cervix *nudge nudge wink wink* I told him it's going to be a long 6 weeks after the baby comes and he said that's okay, he doesn't mind waiting. I think he's just had too much on his mind lately between work and the baby's imminent arrival to be interested.

Your guy will or he won't, and that's up to him. Don't feel bad about not feeling like helping him either.

lesliegolem · November 2014

Sexting is a great idea! Also sometimes I just say sexy things to my DH when we talk on the phone and that gets the ball rolling. Then if I'm not up to things later, he disappears for about 15 minutes =P honestly I've noticed if we don't have sex and he doesn't mastrubate he gets crazy grumpy and frustrated. Like you said it could be at least 6 weeks after the baby is born before you guys can be intimate again. For me it was 3 months

I had a 2nd degree tear that didn't heal well. So don't feel bad that you don't want to but I would definitely try some things out that get him in the mood and fly solo.

Another trick that has worked is looking up porn for him on his phone or computer and "accidentally" leaving it up

takes the guilt away if your guy is feeling any and he may think its awesome/hot his wife looked up porn for him. Good luck!

jj0313 · November 2014

If he's not hassling you or initiating it with you I don't understand why you would push it? Or you sure he doesn't do it on his own? Mine does. I have no idea when but he confirms it happens. It's thoughtful of you to care but he's a big boy and can figure it out himself, IMO.

Signed apparently heartless wife in Oregon....

jj0313 · November 2014

I'm reading through these responses and feel like I'm taking crazy pills-you laides are all so much nicer than me!!!

jj0313 · November 2014

@lovebuggies1‌ in all seriousness, I think it's awesome she cares too. I've been with DH for six years so maybe not a "long" time but long enough that he can now keep his hands off of me.

Our relationship has changed in terms of intimacy over the years and it ebbs and flows which I think is normal. I don't think i would personally appreciate him encouraging me to maturbate but then I'm a woman. I'm no prude...I just think it's a personal decision that he could work out on his own if it's a problem. Now if he was complaining or trying to initiate things she wasn't currently interested in then I'd say go for it with all the above.

I do feel a little guilty for not caring about this as much as others appear to do-that's dead serious. No mocking.

sAAmFam · November 2014

Speaking of this. I've been married for 2 yrs and did not know my husband madturbated every couple of days! He just told me!! And that he will stick a porno in to do it! My husband is having a hard time having sex with me. He says it feels different. So I said what it's like kicking a hot dog down a hallway now???? He thinks he is gonna break my water and I am pretty sure he is grossed out by the mucus plug thing coming out. He knows too much!!!!

KMW08 · November 2014

No worries over here, no offenses were taken. There weren't any responses that even seemed remotely offensive to me.

We've been married for 6yrs and together for 9. Normally we have a very healthy sex drive/life and I agree length of relationships does affect intimacy levels from time to time.

I'm just aware of what's coming post partum. He is a grown man and can handle this on his own, I just want to reinforce to him that I'm completely ok with him masturbating without me.

I think getting/making him a porn package of source is a great idea. Magazines, pics of my boobs, porn, male toys will surely give him the hint

knottie1a39e7be857e3e96 · November 2014

I totally encourage it! Less work for me to do lol

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