Ready for a baby...husband not so much! Any advice???

vdox12 · November 2014

I'm 28 years old and my husband will be 33 is a couple of months. I'm currently attending school and will be graduating in May with my masters degree. I'm ready to have a baby now, but regardless of the fact that we both have good jobs and own a home, my husband doesn't think that we are finally ready to have a baby. I believe that no body is ever 100% financially ready to have a baby (unless you have millions of dollars in the bank). Also, I don't want to wait too long to have a baby, because you never know how long is going to take to get pregnant. How do I approach this situation? Any advice is welcome...

strickland8052 · November 2014

I'm kinda facing a similar situation, but I think we've now agreed on a timeline that we are both happy with.

Talk to H about his fears, worries, and concerns. Ask him about what he would like for you guys to achieve/do before you bring a baby into the picture. Make sure he knows that you want to have a conversation about it to better understand him, not that you are trying to talk him into it. Once you learn more about what he wants, try to create a plan together. Be flexible and make compromises on what that timeline will look like.

This approach has been what has helped us. We created a plan to save X amount before we TTC. That amount is based off of research I've done into how much having a baby will cost with our health insurance, how much I'll lose in income during the first couple of months, and how much we will need for baby supplies and nursery. We have a plan for accomplishing this financial goal by saving the cost of daycare every month for a year. That way it is like we are practicing what our finances will be like when we do have a baby. Finally, we are also are planning a big international vacation beforehand, because that is something that H (and I) really want.

I still want a baby right NOW and H could still probably be happy if we never had one, but I think our plan has brought us closer together in our baby expectations.

CallMeShoes · November 2014

I think communication is key. Go over your finances together and ask him at what point he would feel comfortable having a child? Take it from there.

I'm in a similar boat though, so I know how tough this is. Part of me wants a baby RIGHTNOW and the other part knows that it would be much better for us to wait at least another year. DH wants a baby too, but he's much more logical and knows it wouldn't make sense financially, or for a few logistical reasons, right now.

Jags8 · November 2014

Don't pressure him. You can bring it up for discussion every few months. If it truly is only the financial aspect he is worried about, maybe make an appointment with a financial adviser to see where you're at. It may also be a good excuse for him if he is not emotionally/mentally ready. If that's the case, please please please don't pressure him. It will only cause fights.

This is coming from the 1/2 that was not emotionally/mentally ready for a baby until almost a year after my husband was.

runner76 · November 2014

I agree communicate and find out what it is he needs to feel ready..

lifeonthehill · November 2014

This was my H and I over a year ago.

Talk about your finances. This was a huge thing for H. I told him I wanted to sit down and really talk about it. I prepared a baby budget using our income now, health ins. information, suspected start up costs and the price of the ONLY daycare we have available. We went over it in depth. Decided it would be great for me to be a SAHM and that with a good e fund, cash saved for a new used car, and his debt paid off we could more than afford a baby.

He wasn't ready for a baby rightthatsecond but he was happy to begin the process of preparing. That was a year ago and we are 9 months from TTC and he was looking at strollers at target on his own today. It is an amazing feeling to know when the time comes I wont be dragging him into it.

Really talk to him about everything. Try and make a plan. If he isn't ready to make a plan bring it up again in a few months. Good Luck!

SanRemo · November 2014

Jags8 said:

Don't pressure him. You can bring it up for discussion every few months. If it truly is only the financial aspect he is worried about, maybe make an appointment with a financial adviser to see where you're at. It may also be a good excuse for him if he is not emotionally/mentally ready. If that's the case, please please please don't pressure him. It will only cause fights.

This is coming from the 1/2 that was not emotionally/mentally ready for a baby until almost a year after my husband was.

This response is not topic related. I just cannot stop giggling at this Gif. That is without a doubt, a dog being a master jerk.

ChristyM87 · November 2014

Have you and your husband discussed why he doesn't feel ready? I know that my husband felt better about trying once we had a decent amount in savings and I was less than 9 months away from graduating with my Masters.

housewifehobbyist · November 2014

Like Jags, I was also the one lagging on wanting a child (my husband always knew he wanted kids). Discussing babies in broader, as opposed to "our kids", terms helped me come around a lot. It made the big scary abstract idea of the responsibility of babies a little more realistic and feasible to me. I prefer lots of smaller talks and time to think things over though. I think raising the question of why he's hesitant and letting him think it over he needs to is a great way to start a conversation though!

MomToNeeners · November 2014

I'm with everyone else. You need to wait until you're both ready. My BF had baby fever way the hell before I did. We talked about it a lot before I was even on board.

It's a personal choice for everyone to make for themselves.

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Ready for a baby...husband not so much! Any advice???

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