Diary of a mad pregnant woman

Re: Diary of a mad pregnant woman

• jaymee1021 member

  November 2014

  Sorry I know how annoying that can be! Me and my hubby had the same argument a few months ago about the stupid xbox one he eventually have up realizing it was not feasible with me not getting paid for my time off. Hope you guys figure it out don't stress not good for you and baby!

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• xc1148 member

  November 2014

  I don't think it's hormones, I think it's a reaction to your husband making poor financial decisions without/against your advice. The consoles are expensive, it's nice of your coworkers to try and relate but it sounds as if you're actively trying to save money, spending $400 on something isn't the brightest idea.
  

  TTC since June 2011

  DH: perfect SA

  Me: 30, moderate endo, unexplained infertility

  IUI or IVF in December

  
  

  
  

  
  

  

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• pinklepop member

  November 2014

  Yeah Im thinking your anger is a lot more than hormonal. Sounds like you feel betrayed and disrespected. I dont think this was his greatest move. Hope you guys can work through it.

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• mlee116 member

  November 2014

  xc1148 said:

  I don't think it's hormones, I think it's a reaction to your husband making poor financial decisions without/against your advice. The consoles are expensive, it's nice of your coworkers to try and relate but it sounds as if you're actively trying to save money, spending $400 on something isn't the brightest idea.
  

  I agree.  You're not just being hormonal and he's not just "being male." You're upset because he went behind your back and made a bad financial decision that could negatively affect your family.

  
  

  I would be really upset if DH did this.  It's not that I never expect to buy himself anything, but we discuss it and budget for such expenses ahead of time.  

  

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• feeshah member

  November 2014

  I am not one to defend the video game debate. I kind of hate everything about video games but u also knew DH played them way before we ever got together. DH got the Xbox One when it first came out and then proceeded to park his happy butt in front of it for HOURS (he has calmed down a lot) But it's his thing. That's his hobby and he gets to talk to friends who across the country. I don't particularly like it but he doesn't like my crap TV shows I have to watch, the fact I'm in FB/TB all the time, or "need" to get my nails done/hair did etc. We had to have many conversations about what I need, what he needs, and how to compromise. We make time for family stuff and for each other but he needs his outlet.
  
  I do agree that it's fucked up he went out an bought one behind your back. I would be livid. But I can also see where just saying "No! You can't have that" would make someone go and buy the damn thing out of spite. Maybe have a calm talk with DH and break down how he made you feel going behind your back? Also break down the finances and show him why it wasn't the best of purchases right now with LO on the way? I hope it all works out.

  
  

  
  

  November Siggy Challenge: How I feel in the Third Trimester 

                

  
  

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• mlee116 member

  November 2014

  I do agree with @LadyThrice in that I would not return the X-Box behind his back.  If you two sit down and agree to do that, fine, but otherwise it would just be tit for tat and is going to do nothing to address the real problem.  And it will just drag this argument out even further.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  

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• SissynJitters member

  November 2014

  I would be mad that he did it behind your back.

  
  

  DH and I had the same argument about upgrading from the 360 to the XboxOne.  I didn't see that it was necessary, but he did. Plus, I didn't want to spent the money.  Same week that we had this argument, he received a small inheritance from his Pap Pap.  So I said do whatever you want, I was just sick of having the argument.  

  
  

  To make matters worse..instead of buying a new one, he decided to send money to some internet stranger to buy a used one with accessories and games.  WTF DH!  It all worked out in the end, but seriously grated my nerves.  I worry about money always and he doesn't at all.  However, he manages our money and got us out of credit card debt so I feel like I don't have much leverage when we argue about things like this.

  BFP 5/6/12 MC 5/23/12

  BFP 7/22/12 DD born 4/9/13

  BFP 4/11/14 EDD 12/18/14

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• RicKeyBaby member

  November 2014

  I apologize for calling other gamers losers.....that was just the bitterness coming out, on my part. Also, for generalizing men. I will sit down and talk it over with him now that I feel more level headed and read through all this advise. The main problem was the disrespect of going behind my back to make a big purchase when I clearly said no.. like someone said that probably fueled his deceison, and he did it out of spite. He has a lot of expensive hobbies and I keep my mouth shut for the most part, but this one just got to me.

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• LiliansMama14 member

  November 2014

  Yeah I definitely see where that's annoying. And I'm going to agree with pretty much all the other ladies and say that you two should have a talk and figure out where his head is. With that being said, my husband is the only one working and he has been since I found out I was pregnant. Since he makes all the money he also makes all the purchases. However, even though some of them are useless or down right stupid since were not used to haveing to budget our money he still asks or checks with me before he does and we always weigh the pros and cons.
  
  I hope you guys can find a good median and get things worked out.

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• LizaMcCracking member

  November 2014

  I don't agree with one spouse making all financial decisions. That defeats the purpose of marriage. No matter who is bread winner or bringing in all income period, I think it's a partnership. Large purchases should definitely be discussed and agreed upon before anything is done especially with another life you are mutually responsible for on the way. DH and I actually try to have as much communication as possible even when buying little things.
  
  He is a huge gamer and I love art and music. We both have large purchases we want to make on a regular basis.... newest game or console, new brushes and canvases or music production equipment.... but we realize and talk through the compromises we have to make now that we are parents.
  
  I am sorry that your husband is having trouble making those sacrifices. I really hope your talk with him goes well. Stick to your guns and try to be understanding of his passions. Good luck!

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• cassiem51 member

  November 2014

  Omg I would be livid! I was upset with my DH for just pre-ordering the new COD behind my back. He's been bugging me about getting a PS4 but I think he's finally come to terms with the fact the we have much more important expenses to cover right now. I hope you can get through to him so he understands where you are coming from.

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• ColeyCannoli member

  November 2014

  As a gamer myself, I can see why he'd want the system because games are a great stress reliever and sometimes a way for friends to connect. It might not make sense to others but the nerves/stress of a new baby coming has made me more interested in my games for now. It's definitely not a man/boy thing alone. Still, if you discussed it before and agreed not to make that purchase, you are far from hormonal for being pissed off. Anyone would be livid.
  
  Clearly, you need to have a long talk about this. I feel like there must be something else up with him to spend so much behind your back for something you discussed you wouldn't get (it's not like he could even hide it from you). Maybe he needs a reality check about what a baby will actually be like.
  

  In memory of the baby Hufflepuff and all the angel babies of D14
  

  
  

  

  
  

  

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• hollieandaaron2012 member

  November 2014

  My BIL had a mini crisis every time it got got close to my sister giving birth and bought something expensive that wasn't needed. For the first child he bought a used Pontiac Firebird ( it sat in storage until they sold it) and for the second he bought a new 3000 stereo system for his little 2 door car he traded in his 4 door truck for.
  
  I encouraged my husband to buy things he wanted earlier in the pregnancy so that he didn't feel like he was losing control of anything. He traded in his mustang which was really hard because he has only ever owned mustangs and got an escape but I let the decision be all his. Then we bought kayak since he has always wanted one.
  
  Not to give your husband an excuse but I think men have some control issues with pregnancy since they aren't really involved in the growing if the baby and they have an oh shit moment my life is going to change.
  
  If he has never done this before I would let it slide this one time.

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• LiliansMama14 member

  November 2014

  misskilljoy said:

  
  

  LiliansMama14 said:

  
  

  Yeah I definitely see where that's annoying. And I'm going to agree with pretty much all the other ladies and say that you two should have a talk and figure out where his head is. With that being said, my husband is the only one working and he has been since I found out I was pregnant. Since he makes all the money he also makes all the purchases. However, even though some of them are useless or down right stupid since were not used to haveing to budget our money he still asks or checks with me before he does and we always weigh the pros and cons.
  
  I hope you guys can find a good median and get things worked out.

  
  

  I have never understood this mentality. I understand that everyone needs to do what works for them, but at different points in our relationship, either I or DH has been making money while the other hasn't been. We have still always made all financial decisions together. We have one bank account. We both spend money out of it.

  
  

  Though you said he still checks with you before spending money on trivial things, which is great! I've just heard of many couples where the mentality was similar to the first part of your statement, where because one person "makes all the money," they're the ONLY one who decides what to do with it.

  
  
  Yeah, I agree. Maybe I should have chosen my words better. We make decisions together and we also have joint accounts. But since we are newlyweds (just got married March 7th) and before we got married I have ALWAYS had to make my own money and pay my own bills, it's still a little weird for me to just go and spend money that he works hard to make. But that comes with marriage and we are respectful of each other and we're both good at making good money decisions.
  

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• Beevol member

  November 2014

  Every adult should have a hobby/hobbies as well as time to spend with friends, etc. That being said, the whole point of being married (as opposed to living together) is that you are financial partners in it for life. I'm assuming (hoping) that you both decided to get pregnant/have a baby and that you discussed finances when you decided to TTC or after your BFP. Grown ups need to have fun and grown ups need to stick to budgets - when those two things are not in line, my value system says that you sacrifice the fun for the sake of the budget. It sounds like you agree with me but that YH either doesn't or was acting out. Either way, that's a problem that is only getting worse when the baby is born. 

  
  

  Every couple gets to do money however makes them both happy. All of the money and financial decisions in my marriage are shared monies/decisions, but I get that other people have other ways of doing it and that's cool. Either which way, it doesn't matter so much what the rules are as much as it matters that both people follow them. From your perspective, he broke the rules and that is not OK. Maybe you guys are operating with two different sets of rules, or maybe you're misrepresenting the rules and he followed them but you don't like it anyway for some reason, or maybe you don't have any rules and it's wild west in your marriage. I don't know, but something is wrong and you have every right to be upset. 
  

  
  

  If my husband went behind my back and made a very substantial purchase after we talked about it and said that it wasn't in the budget, that would be a deal breaker for me. Like, we are getting counseling RIGHT NOW or see yourself out of my life deal breaker. That's me and my marriage though. 

  
  

  If he's acting out because you said 'no' and he's anxious about the new baby, then a couple's counselor can help him process his emotions and help you both with communication. If he's just too stupid to realize that budgets exist for a reason, then counseling can help with that too. If he respects you and your family so little that he doesn't care about your financial future, then you both need counseling and maybe some lawyers. 

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