I feel out of place.... — The Bump
June 2015 Moms

I feel out of place....

Seriously, everyone is talking about baby showers and telling people or being oooo and hhhhaa'ed around me.

I haven't said a word, 10w seems early to me. Plus, my first US and such is today. I am not even sure I want to tell anyone until I am close to 20w.

Is this normal? I know some are telling on here, and making babyshower plans. I just can't do any of that yet, this baby is wanted. Very wanted and welcomed, but all I can think about is MC. I think that is why I haven't told.
jlarcilla

Re: I feel out of place....

  • I feel the same.

    I have my mom, sister and my husbands family (we all live in the same house), and 2 of my friends. But other than that, I'm not telling anyone until for sure after the first trimester and probably wait until even later. And definitely no social media posts. 

    I'm 7w2d and don't have my first doctor's appointment until next Wednesday (at 8w2d). Sometimes I even wonder "am I really pregnant" since I haven't had any medical confirmation. Just 4 positive PT's and some symptoms!
    Married: 28 August 2014
    BFP #1: 11 October 2014
    EDD: 22 June 2015 -- updated DD: 20 June 2015

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    Kalynn85
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  • I'm the same way. The only people that know that I'm pregnant are my closets friends and my parents. DH 's parents don't even know yet. We probably won't make it public until after 24 weeks. When I was pregnant with our twins we waited until 15 weeks to announce it..and we lost them at 19 weeks. I cannot do that again.
    Kalynn85
  • Honestly, besides our insurance company and doctor. Nobody has a clue, we talk about telling people. However I say no and he understands, I can't see telling until we are 20w. I think my MIL behavior has also made It uncomfortable to even open up about it until it's a must.
  • I have suffered too many mc and totally understand. Sadly though I'm so very sick I'm pretty sure everyone will figure it out.
    Keep it to yourself as long as you need to its your special miracle you don't have to share.
    Kalynn85
  • kayladawn91kayladawn91 member
    edited November 2014
    Don't feel like this. Everyone has their own way to decide when to tell. I haven't told a soul, not even my mom or best friend. We may tell our parents and siblings around Thanksgiving when I'm 10 weeks, but then I'm definitely not telling anyone else (and our families better keep their mouths shut too) until I'm 14 weeks and out of first tri, so around Christmas time. Everyone is different. I'm a very private person, so I want the chance of MC to be drastically reduced before we tell and also I wanted to have our first US before we told anyone. Whenever you and your SO feel comfortable announcing your pregnancy is the right time to do it. Only you can decide that, and there's nothing wrong with waiting.

    Anniversary

    We love our fur babies Luna (2013) and Dozer(2014)!

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    Kalynn85
  • It's totally normal! For me it's easier to get excited in second tri, because the risks significantly drop, and let's be honest, we will feel better!

    Don't feel out of place. There are plenty of us who are right there with you. My first appointment isn't for another week and we won't even tell family until Thanksgiving.
    Lilypie - (bDmZ)Lilypie - (SUYh)
    image imageimage

    Kalynn85
  • There is nothing wrong with being private about it, but there is also nothing wrong with people who decide to share sooner. For me, no matter what happens, I want the people close to me to know - they're the people I would tell and call on for support anyways if I had a m/c. Also, I have to interact with too many people on a daily basis to just fake a smile constantly when I'm feeling like crap right now.

    Everyone's different, and that's ok.
    BFP#1: 9/21/13  EDD: 5/31/14 m/mc @ 7w6d on 10/27/13
    BFP#2: 10/4/14  EDD: 6/7/15  DD born 6/4/15💕
    BFP#3: 12/24/19 EDD: 9/6/20
    Kalynn85[Deleted User]catmagick
  • I have literally told 2 friends at work (who are also pregnant!) my aunt, and one of my sisters! I'm 9w 3d today. Not uncommon! I don't speak to 85% of my family, though, so that's a big part of it. But my MIL will be the LAST to know if I can help it! If she finds out somehow, even the water delivery guy and her dentist will know within the week!
    Daisypath - z1at
    Baby 1 - November 2009
    *loss* - March 2010
    Baby 2 - January 2011
    Baby 3 - June 2015
    Baby 4 - April 2017
    Baby 5 - May 2019



    Kalynn85
  • I completely understand your worry about MC I think about it everyday. This is a big reason why I'm not telling my grandparents, aunts, &uncles until Thanksgiving when I'll be two days shy of weeks. At this point I think about ten people know, but we waited until 6 weeks to start telling and we found out at 4 weeks. His family doesn't even know yet.

    I wish you a happy, healthy, & boring nine months. Remember today you are pregnant.


    Kalynn85
  • @Kalynn85 I totally understand the feeling of fear and not wanting to tell anyone. So far we have only told people I trust to be discreet and sensitive, no matter what happens, and whom I would want to know if something went wrong. And also my boss and teachers because I had to explain why I haven't been out of the house. I keep wanting to tell--after all, this is the most exciting and important thing going on in my life right now!--but I am afraid (first pregnancy too) that something will go wrong and I'll have to tell everyone "never mind". If it helps, I'm told miscarriage is extremely rare. But for me, mounds of factual information do not compare to that fear of the one person that either doesn't hear the second news and asks heartily how the baby's doing, or does hear and says something horribly insensitive.
    Me: 25 DH: 26
    Married: 11/20/10
    Baby #1!
    BFP: 10/2/14 EDD: 6/1/15

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  • Thank you all! Seriously, it's so helpful to hear other's prospective on a situation. Just clear something up, there is absolutely nothing wrong with telling. If you are comfortable with it, I am happy for you andd support it.

    I do not believe it's wrong, for me I am just not ready. Today is my 10w-12w appointment, so I am hoping seeing the baby and HB will make everything more real.
  • We told our respective moms. I've had two m/c and my pregnancies are always high-risk. I figure that our moms deserve to share in the excitement and not just the fall out if anything should go wrong. I didn't tell anyone else until 20 weeks. Really, it is whatever works for you. :)
    Kalynn85
  • We have only told closest friend and SOs mother. I live witb my mom stepdad and my two kids bc I am a full time student and part time preschool teacher, now we are having a baby we have been looking to move out, but havent told my mom quite yet. We want to wait until xmas. Everyone is different Nd wants to wait til they are ready and there is nothing wrong with that! There is no one right time to announce!
    Kalynn85
  • Take your time this is your news.
    Kalynn85
  • You are not alone, in fact there was a thread a few weeks ago where many people were talking about waiting until Thanksgiving or Christmas to tell.

    For me personally, DH and I haven't told anyone and won't even tell our families until Thanksgiving. I'm not planning on telling others until I can't hide it anymore though.

    Life is a balance of holding on and letting go.

    BFP #1 05/19/14, EDD 01/19/15, MMC 06/12/14 

     BFP #2 10/10/14, EDD 06/19/15

    Kalynn85
  • I honestly think everyone has their own moment when they feel it is right. I personally spewed to everyone within two days of knowing. We had been trying for 3ish years and I just couldn't keep it in. My thoughts on MC are that if something tragic like that were to happen I would want the support from
    my family during that time and it would have been harder for me to explain the reason for my emotional state if they didn't already know we were expecting. I truly do think that it is totally up to you and how you feel about it though. One way is no better than the other. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
    Kalynn85
  • Someone on here made a comment about trying to remember that the majority if pregnancies go on to be full term and healthy. There is a much smaller chance of miscarriage. They had said that they were not going to let that small chance have them worry.

    With my first, I worried the entire pregnancy. I didn't enjoy any of it, because I was so worried about the "what ifs". After I have birth to my daughter, I said my biggest regret is that I didn't just enjoy pregnancy more.

    I try to just remember that today, for all I know I am pregnant, and I am happy.

    I think it is totally normal to be afraid and to not want to tell. I would really like my family's support if something were to happen with this pregnancy, and I would want this little blessing to be remembered. Everyone feels differently, and that's okay. You can tell people whenever you are ready.
    Kalynn85babydom2015
  • Only our parents know at this time. Only because I would want their support if something were to happen. Oh, and I guess SIL knows BC I'm supposed to be a bridesmaid in her wedding and now the custom made dress won't fit.
    We told everyone at 6 weeks with DD, and the next 7 were riddled with anxiety. We're waiting as long as possible this time.
     
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    Kalynn85
  • My US went well, they actually kind of freaked me out. They said my baby looked older than 10weeks, but after doing the fun math and a senior doctor looking at scans I am perfect. The HB was 173.
    catmagick
  • I want to wait till I know the sex of the baby to tell anyone other than my parents. I really want to avoid all they "maybe it's a girl" comments. I'll feel like a failure at the a/s if everyone is hoping for or expecting a girl you know.
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    Kalynn85
  • That is another fear I have, someone telling me what I am having and we both know it doesn't work on feelings. Hell I could be having a pizza from all the pizza I eat, plus my MIL and all her antics on top of my SIL's and thier views, if I can hold off 5 more weeks, I would be happy.
  • Not much to add to what other's have said but don't feel out of place. Just do what's right for you. 

    I'll be nearly 11 weeks when I tell my family this weekend. Each week I've been able to relax a little more - hopefully your u/s will ease your worries a little and let you enjoy this time.

    Me-37, DH-38
    Married in 2006, TTC #1 since Jan 2012

    Baby Boy born June 1, 2015

    He settles her in her home as a happy mother of children, praise the Lord! (Psalms 113:9)
    And the peace of God, which surpasses all understand, will guard your heart and mind in Jesus Christ (Philippians 4:7)

    Kalynn85
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